Disclaimers: Characters you recognize from The West Wing are not mine. All others probably are. The title comes from the Robert Frost poem Fire and Ice.
One more thing: This story will deal quite heavily with domestic violence the after effects it can have on survivors and those close to them. Any violence will be non-graphic, but I know this can be a sensitive subject for some. If it is a sensitive subject for you, I suggest you give this story a pass.
�Come on CJ, push!�
CJ pushed, then stopped when the doctor told her to. She�d been in labor for the past ten hours and the baby did not appear to be in a hurry to be born. The nurses had been taking turns trying to reach Jace for her but so far, with no luck. It was a Saturday, so she knew he wasn�t at work. She didn�t really want to think about where he could have disappeared off to for so long. When she�d asked him that morning what he was doing that day he had shoved her into the wall and informed her it wasn�t any of her business. CJ broke out of her reverie as she again felt the overwhelming need to push.
�Come on CJ! I can see the head!�
CJ continued to push, then felt enormous relief as the baby passed through the birth canal. She fell against the bed, exhausted, then began to silently weep happy tears as she heard her child crying.
�Congratulations Claudia, you have a baby girl.�
CJ looked in amazement at the tiny little girl that the doctor put into her arms. �Hello Mackenzie�, she whispered.
Three years later
�He says that and we might as well end the campaign now! It�d be professional suicide! There�s no way��
Jim cut Toby off, �Cool it, this is the way it�s gonna be.�
Toby shook his head vigorously, �No! Listen to me��
�I said that was enough. This is how we�re gonna do it.�
�But��
Suddenly, a new voice broke in. �He�s right. Lansing says that and everyone may as well pack up and go home.�
Toby and Jim both turned to face the intruder. A tall young woman stood just inside the door. Jim looked at her, �who the hell are you?�
The woman ignored him, �you have him say that and that�s gonna be the sound bite��
Toby was about to cut her off when he realized that she was agreeing with him. Jim had no such dilemma, �look, I don�t know who you think you are, but��
The woman finally lost her temper, �listen to us, dammit! You know what�s gonna happen if he says that? It�s the only thing the networks are going to play from now until election day. And the Republicans are gonna have Rayford on every talk-show they possibly can, saying how he would never propose to say such a thing. Lansing says that, and it�s over!�
Toby and Jim looked at her as she stood silently looking at the two men. Finally, Jim got up and headed towards the door, calling to Toby over his shoulder on the way out, �I want to see alternative language for that section on my desk in two hours.�
When he was gone, Toby turned to look at the woman, who remained standing by the door. �Um, thanks.�
She grinned, �No problem.� She stepped further into the office and held out her hand, �Claudia Samson. Everyone just calls me CJ though.�
Toby shook her hand, �Toby Ziegler.�
CJ nodded, �I know.�
He looked at her, �I don�t think I�ve seen you before, are you working on the campaign?�
She shrugged, �Sort of. I�m working on my Masters� at Berkeley and interning here.�
He nodded, �ah�, secretly amazed that a grad student had such an obvious grasp of campaign strategy.
Just then, another intern stuck her head into the room. �CJ, you�re husband�s at the front desk. He says he needs to talk to you.�
Toby watched as CJ�s face paled almost imperceptibly, �Okay, thanks Janice. I�ll be right there.� She looked back to Toby, �well, I better go��
He nodded, �yeah. Thanks again for your help with Jim.�
She was already almost out the door, �yeah�, she called back.
Toby looked at the speech in his hand that he now had to rewrite a major portion of. Sighing, he got up, ready to head to his own office and begin work. He stopped when he heard voices coming from towards the front of the campaign office. Most of the staff was away with Lansing on a campaign trip to San Diego, so Toby decided to go see what was going on. As he rounded the corner, he saw CJ talking to a man who was tightly gripping her right arm. On a near-by chair a little girl sat, coloring, apparently oblivious to the obvious argument going on. As he got closer, Toby could hear the conversation.
�Jace, I�m working, I can�t take her. You said that you�d watch her today.�
His grip on her arm tightened, �Yeah, well my plans changed. You have to watch her. Besides, it�s not like this is important, you�re not even getting paid.�
Toby hesitantly cut in, �CJ?�
The couple turned and looked at him and CJ immediately pasted a bright smile on her face, �Toby, hey, did you need something?�
He looked at the two, �Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me with the rewrite. But if you�re busy��
CJ shook her head, �no, I�ll be right there.� She turned back to Jace, sighing, �I�ll take her.� Jace released her arm, then turned and headed out the door without a backward glance. CJ absent-mindedly rubbed her arm, then, realizing that Toby was still watching her, headed over to the little girl, crouching in front of her. �Mackie, you want to hang out with Mommy at work today?�
She excitedly looked up from her coloring, �Yeah!�
CJ chuckled, �Okay�. Standing up, she bent down to pick up the little girl, �Come on munchkin.� Gathering Mackie�s things, she headed back toward Toby. �I hope you don�t mind. She won�t cause any trouble, I promise.�
Toby shook his head, �it�s fine.� He looked at the little girl, �hi�.
CJ looked at her as well, �Mackie, can you say hi to Toby?�
Mackie waved her hand a little, �hi�.
Toby chuckled, �come on, let�s get to work�.
�Dammit!�
Toby had been walking towards his office when he heard the exclamation. He poked his head into another room to find CJ futilely trying to type one handed. His brow furrowed as he noticed that her left arm was in a sling. �One handed typing not your thing, huh?�
CJ looked up from the typewriter, �Ha, ha very funny.�
�What�d you do to your arm?�
She looked at him sheepishly, �I tripped over one of Mackie�s toys and used my arm to break the fall.�
�And broke your arm instead?�
She nodded, �yeah�.
Toby couldn�t help but chuckle, �You weren�t kidding when you said you tended to be clumsy.�
CJ shifted, obviously growing uncomfortable with the conversation, �Yeah. Look, I really need to finish this, and as you pointed out I�m not typing my fastest right now, so��
Toby nodded, �Yeah�. He turned and was about to leave when a thought occurred to him and he turned back around. �You were fine yesterday, when�d you break your arm?�
CJ looked back up at him, �Last night when I got home from work.�
Toby looked at his watch, it was only seven in the morning. They hadn�t left the campaign office until almost midnight the night before. He sighed, exasperated, �and you came into work this early! Go home, take the day!�
She shook her head, �I need to finish this.�
�Don�t you have a typewriter at home?�
�Well yeah, but��
�No buts, get your stuff, I�m taking you home.�
�That�s really okay��
Toby shook his head at her stubbornness, �No more arguing. Get your stuff.�
Defeated, CJ got up and gathered her stuff, silently praying that Jace would be gone by the time they got there. She was afraid of what he would do if he suspected that Toby knew something.
Toby wiped off his hands, having just finished packing his office. The primaries were tomorrow and they all knew that they had lost. Finished with that, he decided to head over to where CJ was helping one of the other campaign workers pack. She was in there, putting the last of the things in a box. He stood in the doorway, "CJ".
She turned around and Toby immediately noticed the black eye, "Hey, Toby."
He tried to smile through his worry, "Hey. What happened to your eye?"
CJ turned away from him and continued working on the box, "I ran into the cabinet door."
Toby furrowed his brow, that didn't sound right, no matter how clumsy she was. "How do you run into a cabinet door?"
Sighing, CJ looked up at him and realized he didn't believe her. *Think, CJ*, she had to make him believe her. "I was slightly drunk at the time."
Toby obviously still wasn't buying it. "I wasn't aware you were in the habit of getting drunk in the middle of the week."
CJ shrugged, attempting to appear nonchalant. "It was our anniversary". At least that much was true.
Toby nodded his head in understanding, "Ah".
CJ let out a breath in relief, he'd believed her, "Yeah". Finally finished with the box, she turned back to him, "Did you need something?"
"I was just wondering if you wanted to go grab some lunch."
Nodding, CJ got up, "Sure". As they the left the campaign office, CJ wondered what she was going to do after tomorrow, when she would no longer see Toby every day. In the past year, Toby's friendship was the only thing that had made life bearable.
Three Months Later
CJ entered the crowded caf� and looked around for Toby, making sure to keep a grip on Mackie�s hand. She didn�t want her to get lost in the crowd. Finally, she spotted him at a table in the back and headed towards him. Although they had talked on the phone almost everyday since the end of the campaign, they hadn�t seen each other. Jace didn�t like it when she was with other men and she was too afraid to challenge him. But this weekend Jace was on a business trip, so she had finally agreed when Toby asked her to meet him somewhere.
Toby allowed a rare smile to cross his face when he saw CJ and Mackie approaching. �Hey�, he said, standing and giving CJ a quick hug, then crouching and wrapping Mackie in a huge bear hug, making her giggle.
CJ smiled back, it was good to see him again, �Hey�.
The three sat down to lunch and CJ and Toby caught up while Mackie made her presence known by making random comments from time to time. CJ was laughing over Toby�s latest story when she noticed the time. Jace would be calling soon to check up on her and she needed to get home. She looked at Toby, �This was a lot of fun, but I�ve got to get Mackie home now.� She rose and dug out her wallet.
Toby rose as well and reached out to stop her hand while getting his own wallet, �I�ve got it�, he said shaking his head.
She looked at him in surprise, �You sure?�
He nodded, �yeah�
CJ lifted Mackie from her highchair and glanced over at Toby, �Thanks�
�No problem�, he said, giving her another quick hug, then ruffling Mackie�s hair, �it was fun�.
She smiled, �yeah�, then took Mackie by the hand and left.
CJ sighed in relief when she looked at her watch as she unlocked the door. She had made it home with fifteen minutes to spare before Jace called. She opened the door and let Mackie in first, then turned around in horror when she heard Mackie gleefully cry out, �Daddy! You�re home!�
CJ looked at him with fear, �I thought you weren�t due home until tomorrow�.
Jace glared at her, �I got home early. Where were you?�
Before CJ could think up a plausible excuse, Mackie jumped in, �we went and saw Toby and had lunch and it was a lot of fun!�
CJ could feel herself begin to shake at the look of fury in Jace�s eyes and almost didn�t hear what he was saying to their daughter. �Really? That sounds great. Hey Mackie, why don�t you go play in your room for awhile, okay?� Mackie nodded and ran off to her room. CJ watched her, silently begging her to stay. She knew Jace would never hit her in front of Mackie. But as she raised her eyes from the direction of Mackie�s room to Jace�s face, CJ knew her shield was gone.
CJ cradled the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she opened the freezer door. �Yeah, it was great seeing you too, Toby.� She was silent as she listened to him on the other end, rooting around in the freezer as she did so. �Absolutely, we�ll have to do it again sometime.� There was again silence one her end, save for the sound of the freezer door closing. �Yeah. Talk to you later, bye.� After hanging up the phone, CJ put the ice pack on her wrist. Despite what she�d said to Toby, she knew she wouldn�t be visiting him again anytime soon.
Three Weeks later
Toby rang the doorbell, then waited impatiently for an answer. CJ�d been avoiding his calls and he was worried. It felt like something was wrong. Finally, someone answered. Jace threw open the door, �What?!�
Toby blinked, surprised at the greeting. �Is CJ here?�
�No, she�s not.�
�Could you tell her�� before Toby could finish his sentence, Jace had slammed the door in his face.
CJ pulled the door quietly shut behind her as she entered the dark apartment. She began to creep across the living room, hoping to make it to bed without Jace waking up, when someone suddenly turned on the light, momentarily blinding her. �Where have you been?!�
CJ blinked rapidly, trying to regain her sense of equilibrium and calm her nerves at the same time. �I was at the library studying, I told you I�d be there late.�
�You�re lying! You were with him, weren�t you?!�
Finally able to see again, CJ looked at Jace with a mixture of confusion and fear. �With who? I wasn�t with anyone, I swear.�
Jace stepped towards her, and before she could react, had grabbed her by both wrists, bringing them face to face. She could smell alcohol on his breath. �Don�t lie to me! You were with Toby! He came by this afternoon! How long have you been sneaking around with him, huh?! How long?!�
CJ was terrified. She�d seen Jace angry before, and she�d definitely seen, and felt, what his anger could do, but she had never seen him like this. Before she could say anything, Jace threw her to the ground. She curled up into a fetal position as she felt his kicks impact her ribs. CJ struggled not to cry out as the beating continued. She couldn�t risk Mackie coming out and witnessing this. Suddenly, the kicking stopped. Cautiously, CJ took her arms away from her head and opened her eyes. Jace was no longer in the living room. She didn�t know where he�d gone, and right then, she didn�t care. She just knew she had to get out of there. As quickly as possible, she struggled to her feet, ignoring the pain that went shooting down her right side at the movement. She�d worry about that later. She ran into Mackie�s room and grabbed her out of bed as gently as possible. She then ran back into the living room, hoping to get out before Jace came back. As she headed to the door, she saw Jace come out of the kitchen. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a glint of metal in his hand. *A knife*, she thought frantically. She dashed out to the car and put Mackie in the back seat, then got in behind the wheel, peeling out of the parking spot as Jace ran after the car. Once she was a couple of blocks away, CJ realized she had no idea what to do, or where to go. The pain she had previously ignored was now making her dizzy and nauseous. She needed to get both herself and Mackie someplace they�d be safe. Sighing, CJ knew there was really only one place she could go. She just hoped he was home.
CJ�s eyes filled with tears. �Jace. He was mad, and he threw me to the floor, and started kicking me�� She couldn�t get anymore out as the tears overflowed and streamed down her face. Toby sat, stunned. Suddenly, the past year went through his mind. The broken arm, the black eye, the bruises, the sprained wrists. He closed his eyes. He couldn�t believe he�d believed her excuses that she was just extraordinarily clumsy.
He looked at her, �Are you hurt at all, besides the bruises?�
CJ carefully nodded her head, the dizziness beginning to set in again, �Yeah. I think I broke some ribs.�
�Okay then, we need to get you to the hospital.�
�No! They�ll call the police!�
�I know, you�ll be safe there.�
She shook her head, �I�m safe here.�
�No, you�re not,� at her confused look, he gently took her hand. �CJ, how long do you think it�ll take Jace to figure out where you went?�
CJ�s eyes went wide with horror as she realized he was right. She had put him in danger. She couldn�t believe her stupidity. �I�m sorry�� she tried to get up to leave, but pain shot down her side as she rose and she softly cried out. Toby quickly grabbed a hold of her and helped her sit back down.
�You don�t need to apologize, but we do need to get you somewhere safe. You need to go to the hospital, CJ.�
She knew he was right, �Alright, but what about Mackie?�
He shrugged, �We�ll take her with us.� He gently but quickly helped her back out to her car, then went back inside to get Mackie, who was still asleep. Once everyone was in, Toby drove away.
Toby nodded, "yeah".
The doctor shook his hand, "my name is Dr. Simmons. Ms. Cregg suffered two cracked ribs and several contusions".
Toby sucked in his breath at the news, "Will she be alright?"
The doctor nodded, "She should be. However, she was near hysterical so we had to sedate her. She'll probably be out until tomorrow morning, you can take her home then. I'd suggest you go ahead and take your daughter home and try to get some rest then come back around 9 tomorrow".
The doctor was gone before Toby could correct her assumption about Mackie.
The Next Day
Toby entered CJ's room quietly, the nurse hadn't been sure if she was awake yet or not. She was. "Hey".
She smiled wanly at him, "Hey", then she furrowed her brow. "Where's Mackie?"
He stopped next to her bed, "I left her with one of my neighbors. I didn't think you'd want her to see you here".
CJ's eyes filled with tears, "I don't. Thanks, for everything."
Toby waved it off, "Don't worry about it. You ready to leave?"
She nodded, grateful to get out of that place, "Yeah".
TBC
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