DREAMS

A dream slips through the eye of the mind

I know what to look for, but not what to find

A crack in the wall reveals a hole

An empty void in the perfect home

Green and blue, dark light surrounds

Stirring emotions, sincere and profound

A cloud in the sky, as seen from above

Visions of beauty, scenes of true love

Leaves and stones that dance 'cross the land

Planets are moved by unseen hands

Oceans that flow into rivers and streams

All life supported by invisible means

A dark spot hidden behind the eye

I know I'm afraid, but can't understand why

Shadows that swallow, then disappear

Leaving behind them their wretched fears

A thousand red eyes burn through me

I don't want to look, but still need to see

I close my eyes, but they open again

I feel they've forgotten my hard earned fame

And when you feel about to die of fright

And begin to think you'll never see the light

A warm hand on your shoulder awakens you

And a smiling face tells you the night is through

 

THE LOVE THAT COULDN'T GIVE

Asmile cracks the face of a long forgotten stone

As thought seep through, explaining the unknown

Dark eyes see the world in front of them

Like the tattered stitches of a poorly sewn hem

He let's the world fall apart at the seams

As long as he remembers once lost dreams

The universe will continue to flourish and live

Memories flood back, reminding of the love that couldn't give

A damn about the pain or guilt

That caused a delicate flower to wilt

And a gentle wind to die

And a broken heart to fly

Away, beyond the point of no return

A fire in his soul that will ever burn

Spoiling the taste of the sweet fall air

Ruining the smell of the angel's hair

An overwhelming sensation

Enough to topple the most powerful nation

And cause a God's hopes to falter

A force strong enough to alter

Time and space

And lead to an undiscovered place

Where one can live to grow and thrive

And create a world to stay alive

In amongst a savage order

To ruthlessly forge and expand a border

And establish a well-defined range

To live and die mingling with a strange

And demented existence

Clinging to life with surreal persistence

Forever staying locked inside

Constantly searching for a place to hide

Never sleeping, always in pain

Groveling to self inflicted shame

And soon will come crawling, looking for solace

Preaching you that he would call this

A nightmare

Then calling you unfair

When you send him back to face his fears

He will curse you through his bitter tears

And kick and scream

And swear you are but a bad dream

But you will continue to grow and live

And he will experience the love that couldn't give

 

VISION

Love Is the way to eternal dark

Or blinding light

Either way, It won't let you see

Hate Is the way to crystal clarity

Or is standing at the end of a tunnel

Either way, It's all you can see

 

UNTITLED

A far away voice echoes in your ear

And a faded image appears in front of your eyes

One threatens, and fills you with fear

The other shrivels and cries

 

SEPARATION

They bring you gifts

That you already own

Vast rifts

Swallow you're home

One voice says live

The other says die

Some yell fall

A few scream fly

Worlds collide

And send sparks flying

You try to hide

The tears you are crying

A terrible hurt

Tears you apart

They've always been curt

Right from the start

They call you names

But you will endure

Their cruel little games

Make life unsure

 

SILENCE

Silently crouching in the dark

Silently on his journey he embarks

Silently as the night unfurls

Silently remaining faceless to the world

Stillness surrounds him in a quiet haze

Stillness confounds him with it's entrancing gaze

Stillness, cold silver that shrouds the moon

Stillness freezes, chills with gloom

Sacred is the path he chooses to take

Sacred is the voyage he must make

Sacred are the travels no mortals have seen

Sacred is the passage no god dare dream

Cold is the frost that chills to the bone

Cold- alien in the place he calls home

Cold are the fingers of death on his neck

Cold and lonely, he continues his trek

In the end the grave tempted him

And in the end, he nearly gave in

In the end, he could continue no more

And in the end he found what he'd suffered for

A true friend waiting at heaven's door

 

DESTRUCTION

Destruction reigns supreme

In my darkest dreams

A blood red moon It foretells doom

Massive dragons - blue and red

Fighting demons head to head

Broken hearts and shattered dreams

Blood stained ground and muffled screams

Gunshots, fireballs

Ruined lives, and crumbling halls

Then sudden and profound silence

The aftermath of death and violence

A golden mist shrouds the sky

The silver birds no longer fly

The countless millions cease to live

The curse of life god will no longer give

And as the dying breaths of an unnamed child fill my ears

A piercing light breaks through my tears

I lift my head above the clouds

And as I awake I scream aloud

 

LAUGHTER

Laughter is the mother of all my endearing traits

It is darker then my hatred,

And brighter than my love

It is like a hunting tiger, lying in wait

It bounces loudly in my head

Around me and above

But there's something hidden in my laugh

Something I can't explain

That you do not wish to see

It may be written in my epitaph

It will reveal a hidden pain

But then my soul will finally be set free

 

HOLDING HER OWN HAND

She carries with her a darker side

The product of fears she tries to hide

The powerful acid of hidden tears burns her soul

And doubles the strength of sorrow's hold

Though she's blinded all others with her dazzling smile

I can still see the scared little child

The look in her eyes, the tone of her skin

Tells me of the demons she harbors within

Unspoken words telling more than she says

Unseeing eyes staring her way

Ghosts in her mind that mock and taunt

Make nightmares of the dreams they like to haunt

there's people who listen, but ignore all they hear

There's those who touch, but can't feel what is near

To some life outside continues in it's own little bubble

To me reality, long ago, collapsed into rubble

For her life stands still, yet still passes her by

Outside she's still happy, but inside she still cries

She's living with true, yet always blind friends

Unless she learns to be truly seen, she'll always be

Holding her own hand

 

HOLDING HER OWN HAND(REVISED)

She carries with her a darker side

The product of the tears she tries to hide

Deep within is a tear in her soul

And she's falling into the gaping hole

She's blinded all others with her dazzling smile

But I can still see the scared little chill

The slant of her smile, the tone of her skin

Tell me of the demons she harbors within

The look in her eyes just rips me apart

But I can not turn from this still bleeding heart

The ghosts In her mind that mock and taunt

Make nightmares of the dreams they like to haunt

There's people who listen but, ignore all they hear

There's those who touch, but can't feel what is near

To some life continues in it's own little bubble

Though reality, long ago, had collapsed into rubble

For her life stands still, yet sill passes her by

Outside she's still happy, but inside she still cries

Though I know for her it is hard to go on

When the only one who sees, does not himself belong

When living with true, but always blind friends

Without the knowledge to cope, can never reach the end

But she is still invisible to the blind with their heads in the sand

And unless she learns to make them see, she'll always be

Holding her own hand

 

FEAR

The wind floats under the wings of the geese

And rattles the monastery bell

The solemn toll may never cease

Bringing from my soul the dark wrath of hell

As the metallic voices surround me

The dark night's thunder screams

The ghosts of fear only I can see

That haunt my waking dreams

The howling cry of the midnight sky

The footsteps of demons upon my sill

And the broken hearts of the damned souls fly

As hate fires a furnace to melt the iron will

And as the feared dawn of man's next age

Pleases the hated

But fills the loved with rage

The minions of fear set traps that are baited

With the promise of release from their dark lord's cage

 

GHOSTS

For survival

For revival

For the life they gain from death

For the trial

For denial

For their dark undying breath

For delay

For decay

For their memories of today

For the deities

For their enemies

For the friends they turned away

For the end

For the send

For the season's last beginning

For the land

For the sand

For the devil's final willing

For the loved

For the damned

For the cold and clammy hand

For the living

For the giving

For the dead across the land

 

THE BLIND MAN

With dark blue eyes reflecting light

Observing all, quick and bright

The blind man looks, but cannot see

The better things inside of me

Of significant intelligence

Blissfully unaware of ignorance

He doesn't care about harsh words spoken

Isn't aware of promises broken

He isn't hateful, wouldn't try to steal

He is simply a victim of mismatched ideals

But who is more the victim?

I can't understand

The invisible few, or the blue eyed blind man?

 

THE ROSE IN THE SNOW

Once upon a time

In a long past land

Of death and hate and crime

That lacked a guiding hand

There bloomed a golden winters' rose

As rare and delicate as a fond memory

Locked in an eternal pose

It was strong, but was a fleeting prodigy

The one that once shone above the rest

That was beautiful, but lonely as perfection often is

With a golden light that glowed beneath the sunset

But was never meant to last for this

That was never meant to be so empty

 

DEMAS TRAGEDY

Dreaming as I lay by the fire

Each flame flickering, weaker than the one before

My soul freezing within, to a crystalline spire

As I lay thinking upon the floor

Sipping mint flavored tea, that's hot enough to burn

Drawing what life I can after Her death

Every breath more painful to take

Most difficult to imagine the hole She has left

Almost agonizing as I lay here awake

Sorry for myself, choosing the hard way to learn

Desiring nothing more than to see Her, touch Her, relive that night with Her

Emerald eyes caressing me with their light

Moist lips, crimson red, kissing me gently as we lay there together

And stay in each others arms, long into the night

Staring into the world, and the heavens above

Dew glistening upon the morning grass

Early in the newborn day

Meaningful talking had let the dark pass

Already she had to continue on her way

Starting into a cold world, devoid of love

Doing little but thinking of the next time we'd kiss

Every second waiting for the call that never came

Morbid details, the doctor's least favorite job was this

Ad-nauseam condolence "You'll live, but never be the same"

Simply in the wrong place at an unfortunate time was she

Damning God as I reach for the phone

Even now crying into my tea

Must apologize for giving up, and dying alone

A final goodbye note for coroner to see

Saddening farewell, one shot, tragedy

Demas stood there, waiting for me to come

Embroidered gown, woven from the purest love

Most beautiful sight this angelic one

Almost touching her silken hand, as white as a dove

Sunrise golden upon her face

Dancing with her once again

Enchanted by the beauty I had thought I'd lost

Milky smooth joy washing away my pain

At last reunited with the love I'd once lost

Savouring my time with Her in this Heavenly place

 

I hear

I try not to

But I must

It hurts

Being privy to what I should not

I can't act

The voice begs for it though

I mustn't

It cries for help

But if I respond

It screams louder,

Hurts them more

Then, I hurt

Because they shouldn't know

What it is

I hear

 

Silver moonlight frames the wings

blue, upon black, with crimson eyes

power incarnate, controlled with grace

Golden finch fearless sings

Green, upon yellow, with gilded beak

A balance between chaos, seem out of place

Platinum dragon, creation of fear

Ebony, upon Stirling, with bejewelled scales

Evil embodied, elemental strength

Iron cage traps the finch here

Flame, upon ash, with iron forged lock

Good, entrapped here at length

 

Cast no shadow upon the ground

Do not follow The love you've found

Make no ripples Upon the water

Lead no deciple To the sweet hereafter

Tread not here upon marble floor

Have no fear For the one you adore

Dream not of a life You cannot live

Think instead of the life

You continue to give

 

Sapphire eyes, ruby red heart

Her gilded cage, entrapped from the start

Sterling silver voice, garnet lips

Her tempered steel blade, that rests at her hips

Pearls for teeth, platinum hair

Her iron will shaken as she nears dragons' lair

Oriental silk for skin, diamonds for dreams

Her lungs burn from breathing the sulphurous steam

Emeralds for memories, aquamarine thoughts

Her star-adorned sword poised, vengeance for the terror the beast has wrought

Ivory fangs flash, coal black eyelids spread

Her weapon glimmers , and the nightmare is dead

 

Pictures on the wall

The vague remnants of a time

Now locked in eternal stares in the hall

Their teasing message so sublime

Dark thoughts pervade the wholesome

Images of fear revealed in the face of a terrified child

Halted in time, by the hate yet to come

Best left to hide in the wild

 

The

The need you want

The want you need

The hate you love

The face you read

The soul you search

The fear you bleed

The light you touch

The dark you seed

 

Ask

Ask why she lies

Listen to her pathetic cries

Dream her to death

Ask what he wants

Listen to their wicked taunts

Dream it away

Ask who they hate

Listen to the dark they await

Dream them to nothing

Ask when the fear arrives

Listen to them beg for their very lives

Dream this to stop

Ask where it ends

Listen as the will bends

Dream it again

Ask how it sleeps

Listen to the screams of those it reaps

Dream it into existence

 

Do you dream?

Of what do you think?

What is it that makes you scream?

In which shadow does the monster slink?

Do you hope?

Which flame do you sear?

For what in the night do you grope?

What in the dark is it you fear?

 

To wish

To love

To dream of flying high above

To want

To crave

To hope to live the life you gave

To covet

To treasure

To give away the pleasure

To lust

To chase

To leave this god forbidden place

 

When you are gone

Will you miss me?

Will life go on?

Will tears fall when you kiss me?

Will you cry?

Will you still want to leave?

Will you need to say goodbye?

Will you want me to grieve?

Will you truly want to go?

Will my world stay alive?

Will It's waters still flow?

Will the falcon still dive?

Or will you stay?

 

Let the dreamer dream the past

Will this nightmare be the last?

Back away from the moment

Is this vengeance heaven sent?

 

You have lost you're faith in nothing

 

The god that hath failed thou

Refugee of the here and now

Seeks forgiveness of those he scorned

Consider thyself now forewarned

The warlord that hath slain thy love

Thine savior doing nothing from above

 

Am I the only one you care for?

Am I the one you will always be there for?

There comes a time when you can reply

When you can say it will be you and I

But until that day is come and past

And sworn, with you I will breath my last

We will have to wait and see

Hushed and waiting patiently

 

Encrypted message of sorrow, despair

Body language, speaks it's fear

So trapped, encased, gasping for air

Silent grey eyes, stained with tears

Cry your tears

Release your fears

Deny the pain

Cry for the one

Release your gaze from the sun

Deny the loss

Cry to your anger

Release the terror

Deny the hate

Cry to the devil

Release the evil

Deny his control

Cry after the love dies

Release yourself as your spirit flies

Deny your demise

Cry as you reach the start

Release the caged heart

Deny it's over

 

And yet I am the odd one out Do you understand the logic that?

 

The water envelops those who dive into it's murky depths

With the icy cold grasp of a being too old to imagine

 

Maybe I shall come back to this later

And reflect on my thoughts of today

Maybe then it shall make more sense to it's maker

As he silently ambles on his way

Most probably I will have forgotten what I was thinking

Indeed I shall have to try very hard to remember

And will probably come to the conclusion that I have been drinking

Grasping at shadow cast by that last dying ember

Of memory

 

To get back home

From that place in which you roam

Your light blue eyes will

Stare to dark grey skies till'

You realize that this is the site

Where years ago you last saw light

But it is dark here

The ground that is stained by your salty tears

The tree that grows from a tiny seedling

Can not live on love that is fleeting

The field grass that is trampled by the lack of light

 

Too bad I'm lying to myself I was my cowardly self as usual

 

  Moonlight sonata playing softly to my ears

The wells in my eyes silently filling with tears

The melodious strains, powerful, but sad

They sing of a life I am cursed to have had

Those three simple notes playing over and over

So beautiful in the background speaking hushed to my wonder

I play it again The world I know Is a terrible place

The divine mystery that is Phallyn

Her thoughts hidden 'neath the wings of a raven

Her past is unknown to me

Her future I cannot see

So beautiful, yet startling, that she hides it

Behind her eyes a candle is lit It glows strongly, but with a frightened light

Flickering in the wind, yet not illuminating the night

 

The thoughts of today

The remnants of my dreams

My anger forced to stay

Locked inside, I want to scream

The sonnet of my life

The frustration of my mind

At your throat a sharpened knife

About to sever the ties that bind

The mystery that is me

The secret that I want to hide

Hidden away for none to see

In no one will I confide

The blood that is staining her

The flowering crimson on her hands

The fear that is restraining her

The guilt is tasting ever more bland

 

SILENTLY LOUD

As winter sets into it's nest, in place among the seasons

I sit and wait, and contemplate the rhyme behind the reasons

My faith in praying, rapidly decaying, behind my weary eyes

As I walk along, I'll sing my song unto the greying skies

My sister I see, resting peacefully, among the daffodils

Her soul released, her life has ceased, as she runs to greener hills

My mother in the mist, a knife to her wrist, a tear welled in her eye

An easier path, through an epitaph, yet I feel no need to cry

My father now, this I can't allow, but I stand and watch anyway

A gun to his head, one shot and he's dead, damnit what a depressing day

 

Peaceful dreamer of things to come

Lonely soldier, the lies undone

Empty locket, the lives disgraced

Dying people, the love's misplaced

Wanting, waiting, for that she needs

The careless warning he doesn't heed

Perfectly quiet, she sits there and waits

THeatrics of nighttime, entertain the debate

ThAt sorrowful demeanor

I'lL always be longing for

I wilL never forget

Of Thyne choices I regret

Of the New hope I have

 

The ghosts that haunt my mind demand

To live and lend a helping hand

They want and crave

A life to save

And so I can't deliver

I fear their retribution, as I kill my weakened liver

I need a way

To them repay

The life they helped me live

The life that I can't bring myself to give

My mind, it slides

In my writing, I'll confide

The words they quickly disappear

And so, slip back into the world of fear

 

No more tears of angel dust no more fear, of those mistrust

 

say hello, remain close to me, no goodbye suicide mystery the rat in your brain turns a wheel connected to your guts and all your faults are in me and all your faults in me what would you say if we lived on tv besides all the things they told you to and all the things they told you to and all the things they told you to and all the things they told you to we're stuck inside our own machines apparitions apparitions apparitions say hello, well is it strange where you are where you used to be are they laughing at you, laughing at you, the rat in your brain rules the world from the comfort of your living room tell me are we leaving soon the comfort of your living room tell me are we leaving soon? we're stuck inside our own machines apparitions apparitions apparitions we're stuck inside our own machine apparitions apparitions apparitions another morning

 

sorry for all the things I've done to you

darling why can't you just believe it's true

really didn't want it to end this way

with all of the things we really didn't mean to say

I feel sorry that it didn't work out

I really didn't know what you were all about

I apologize for all the unfortunate things that we said

all those memories coursing through my head

I suppose that we can never be that happy again

But I would like to believe that we could still be friends

It's really a shame that we couldn't get along with each other

It's really sad because for a while I thought that we loved each other

 

Another quiet day passes as all the others before

All those broken promises, and unanswered wishes for things we adore

Sadly it was never meant to be

But all the days, and all the ways that just weren't meant for me

Couldn't make up for lost time or things never meant to be

 

YoUHavELoSTyOUrFAIThinNotHinG ORhAvEYoUSimPlYFoRGoTteNALloFthEThinGS ThaTWeCoulDnEVeRpOssIBLyHAvEOrnEeD OrThaTweCoulDNeVeRDreaMToREaChTHaTlEveLoFgReed OrTheThIngStHaTweCouLddRAwWitHaPenCilWitHinK ItReaLLyIsPaTHeTicWheNyOUStoPtOthInK

 

do you really think that anything is truly tangible?

do you think that all the things we want or need could really be that manageable?

do you really think of all the things we feel and touch?

do you think they even really mean that much?

do you truly have faith in all of the things in which they tell to?

do you simply take in what they say to be unquestioned truths?

do you really want another life when the one you have is shit?

do you really want to hand your soul to some bible toting twit?

do you honestly think that you can convince the atheistic one

that all your preaching and hopeless prayers could possibly be more fun?

 

  you have lost your faith in nothing

 

Yearning for that one who's love I need

Optimistically hoping that I could be in her heart

Unfailingly trying to hide the pain of the wounds that still bleed

Half unconscious from the last battle that I fought

All of this just to prove to Demas

Visible gifts may not always exist

Entire grains of sand that I gave her from my past

Lack the characteristics of the wishes from her list

Over all else I valued those grains

Sought out from the ashes of nostalgia

That I rescued from the forgotten plains

Years ago in the shadows of the secret life blurred by anesthesia

Ours is a mission of mercy to the destitute

Underestimated by everyone but me

Realize that all of the sorrows of forgotten disputes

Failed to erase themselves from my memory

Alas you do not seem to notice the longing in my eyes

Irrelevant and ambitious I have to wait for you

Theoretically you will notice that which you despise

Hopefully your ignorance means you don't despise me too

In the end I suppose that I will get you or lost

Never really liked the odds in that draw

Not when the rules are to win at any or all cost

Outside where the rain is falling, cleansing wheat colored straw

The stars shine through holes in the clouds, and I feel at home

Here and now when all the hopes for the future

Invite the knowledge of love from the past I left alone

Never have I felt so happy without the joy another adventure

Grinning at the visage the girl I'll want until I breath my last

breath

 

In the end when it really doesn't matter

I'm the friend who was never really there

In the end when the shit will splatter

I'm the friend who really never cared

And it's their sympathy that you crave

And I never really gave

Any To the friend I never liked

Don't you know that it's never gonna be alright

And all the sympathy that they gave to you Is never really gonna do for you

And it's never, and it's never really gonna last

If the friend who never really liked you

Wants to lend a helping hand

If the friend who really doesn't want to

Wants to lend an arm to help you stand,

just one more way to help you land on your ass

And it's the suicide that you came to fake

You're swimming in the deep end of a shallow lake

With weights on your hand

And to the swallow that was captured

Don't you know you're in the claws of raptors

And the suicide pill that you came to take

Is never gonna offer you escape

And it's never, and it's never gonna free your mind

And it's never really gonna last, swimming in shadows of your past

And if the enemy that you came to save

Wants to give his life to you

And if that enemy who is feeling brave

Wants to give you your head too and serve it up to you

For it's the emptiness that you came to fill

With all the nothingness that haunts you still

With the shovel in your hands

And all the bullshit that you fed to me

Is coming back for all to see, can't you see

Well when that pill you took is kicking in

Running through veins beneath your skin

You know you'll never get laughed at again

 

Semi Suicide

Semi suicide and an incomplete job

Cherry flavored cyanide on the tongue of a slob

For it's a partly truthful smile to hide a fully bullshit lie

And it's a really thoughtful gift to hide a pretty half assed try

And it's a heavy metal milkshake coursing through varicose veins

Another midnight rider clinging to black leather reigns

For it's one more ninety eight pounder trying to kick you aside And another dying cowboy going for one last ride

B ack and forth, to and fro

In and out and then say no

And it's one last ride

Another semi suicide

Hack and slash, cut to the bone

Sever the cables on your cellular phone

Run and hide from the one you seek

The same old game you play each week

And it's another needle supper of solid food

And it's another crappy meal, feeding a crappier mood

Saline sugar courses out of your eyes

Why can't you see, it's just gonna be another semi suicide

Here and there and everywhere

Up and down and through the air

And it's the final ride Just one more semi suicide

 

I feel sorry for you I honestly do

You really are pathetic

And it really is prophetic

That you would do so bad

That you'd feel so sad

And I say I really wouldn't want to live your life

And she will stick it up into your heart and twist the knife

 

On and On

Searching for the one I want

Ever lasting ghosts that haunt

Hibernating through winters past

Reading over the spells she cast

Over me is seeking to free

Say that you will or that you won’t

Either that you do or don't

Hate all that we have become

Realize that you are the lonely one

Never coming home to me

Saline seeping from her eyes

Eat food poisoned by her lies

Hear all she has to say

Reap the fruits of those who strayed

Almost didn't go did you?

Sorry for yourself are we?

Easy to regret you see

Hardly simple to forget

Really you haven't got the joke yet?

Nearly missed the punch line too

Seriously I feel her pain

Early on she felt the strain Happy?yeah right

Rarely even had the energy to fight

Damned lack of motivation

Sort of ironic in its own strange way

Each and every single day

Hazy facts of lingering fights

Reliving each and every night

Only tactics of intimidation

Sehra, I apologize

Eager to recognize

Heavy weight we had to bear

Relish, please, the time we shared

Never compatible anyway, just tell me why

 

 

angel

Halogen halos, glow above the visage of a stainless steel angel

Her star adorned eyes twinkle mischievously in the light cast by her crown

As I walk towards this creation of an unknown sculptor,

I step into the frame of her shadow cast upon the wall of this run down, roach motel

The one that exists in the back of my mind in the forgotten dream of this ghost town

A dove lands upon the angels wing, his white body appears black from the shadows

His ebony counterpart on the wall pecks at my fingers as they caress the air

With a gentle persistence of a god who has worked too long on something he can not know

I stalk this flat, monotonous form, but it seeps through my hands like so many grains of sand

The dove, startled by this sudden accost on his twin, takes to the air

Again, the angel and I are alone, as I trace her face with my eyes and the longing in them begins to show

I walk towards the eyes that twinkle in the light of the halo, but I stop

Why do I want to touch this molded goddess? What can she bring to me?

I reach my hand towards her face with a longing to touch the statue

That I have never felt in the hundreds of times that I have walked past, but ignored her

My finger barely brushes her face, and the halo erupts in flame and anger, and I recoil in fear and mistrust

The fire extinguishes itself and I am left alone in the dark, cold recesses of my mind, with my back against the wall of an old, run down roach motel And I can't see the angel anymore.

 

I don't believe in god, or life or death, in family or in friends

I don't believe the life we lead is just a road that never ends

I don't believe in what they say as more than a pacifier for the weak

I don't believe in offers of shelter, nor is that the thing I seek

I don't believe in something higher, in my coffee or in my life

I don't believe in joy or bliss, in famine, hate or strife

I don't believe in suicide, in love or play or fun

I don't believe in them or me, or life after mine is done

 

A farcicle smile permeates the cracked and wrinkled face

Of a soldier of fortune, whose golden eyes seem out of place

Upon the sculpted figure that is too old to remember his own age

Who has seen enough of this earth to almost send him careening into a rage

And I take that lonely warrior's hand and lead him to the window

Where he can see that all the things he did before, will be forgotten by tomorrow

And he starts to cry, the memories dissappear with each liquid diamond that touches the earth

I feel the urge to run away from all of this and experience my own form of rebirth

But I decide to stand my ground against the foe that has worn down humanity's soul

Not unlike the sorrow filled soldier who is at my side, who shared my personal goal

And I wonder if there was ever a moment like this for him

Back when he first decided to side with fortune against odds this grim

Those thoughts are not for today, I remind myself as I help him to his bed, his grave

I hope that when I am in that state, I won't be able to remember all the lives I couldn't save

I shoulder the heavy wishes of those who depend on me

Of all other things I have to bear, these are the heaviest to carry,

for I can still hear their pleas

And I go back out to help fight an endless and hopeless war

 

Same old, same old

Life goes on

It's warm, it's cold

Sunday's gone

And now what have I got

Same shit, same day, new date

All the dreams are gone to pot

The early bird's a bit too late

He's the worm's meal now

I'm left to laugh at the irony

I don't bother asking how

But he's not getting my sympathy

And all the people in the sky

Will soon get the same in the end

I don't bother asking why

But I'm glad I'm not their friend

 

 

Someday, I won't want to smile at the sometimes child Anyway, I don't want to take all that for nevermind's sake You say, you don't want to last through anyway's past We'll pay, if we don't want sorrow in yesterday's tomorrow

 

It's your morning after your twilight disaster

I believe, in your foolish ideals and I don't want to leave your side

and I don't want to go away from your morning glow

something better than nothing if it's not alright

something's better than another day of hanging round here

some times if I lay awake, it'll all make sense, just another day in tears

something's better than all alone

if something's forgotten it'll never be known

round here I receive a call from you,

I rock back on my heels and you tell me there's something you just can't hide

and you say it's something you want to show

but it's something best savored late at night

and you tell me that you love me, that you never want to go

you whisper to me softly that you're glad that I know

something's better than being alone

some times if I lay awake, it'll never be shown

something's better than letting life go by s

omething's better than what I had and I think I know why

Walls fall around this room, the morning of hereafter

Sometimes I wonder why, while I'm hanging from this rafter

Nylon savior, rescues me from all I had to loose

Easier than going on, than forcing them to choose sometimes

Sometimes when I don't feel like hanging on or around what I can't save

I'll sit alone and watch something die that I once gave

A damn about

And thought I'd never do without

sometimes It's easier to believe in something, simple and obscene

It's a lot more fun than you would think to grieve for nothing, live in dreams

It's easier to die for one thing, not looking to be seen

sometimes and sometimes

Sometimes when I feel like pissing on or around the things I'd dare not save

I'll watch something living to spite what I never gave

A shit about

And knew that I could do without

sometimes Janice comes to visit someone, other than her mate

Sometimes on her better days she lives to thrive on hate

Nothing's that simple she complains, tears drain 'cross her face

Easier than hanging on and hanging 'round this place sometimes

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm missing the rounder things that I don't crave

I stand up and take notice of what I'd never save

To sit about

And know it's nothing that devout

sometimes It's simpler somehow anyway, seems so full and complete

It's different, sometimes it's better now, out on the edge of our seats

It's simpler to forget why and how, when the story seems so neat

sometimes and sometimes

 

Stuck in my mind with pink jungle chickens, and blue moon salamanders

It's much less fun than you would think, up in here when reality meanders

When something crawling in my closet hides under my bed

When something creeping under darkness climbs into my head

The party starts you're not invited, you're stuck out in the rain

Music raving, blood I'm craving stuck back in herein pain

I want to be you in the cold, outside with the stars and sky

You don't understand what's happening you just can't reason why

All you know is that you want to be in out of the storm

I'll trade places any day, trade cool nights for the warm

Now I'm laughing back at you, through my own blue eyes

Now you're stuck inside of me longing for the stars and skies

The morning after, we're all stuck inside our own identities

Hollow laughter, close to all available amenities

The days are better now that you and

I are gone away

When all the why's and how's have led us both astray

Saturday will come and all the songs we've sung, will they sound just as sweet

When all the where's of sound we've found our hearts such a lonely place to beat

And sometimes when I start to drift back into nothingness

Strangle hold upon my throat destroys the coming bliss of love

 

Silent screaming from above and beyond

My insufficiencies come crashing to the ground

Indescrepancies of some suicidal tendencies you've found

Opportunities have died, but all in vain

And all the falsities come back the bug me again

So I hide beneath the pillow, and hope that it's a dream

 

You're the lucky one who's never in too deep

Who knows to find the fun wherever it may sleep

So I push back up to yesterday and stumble to the ground

I look back down to where I lay and look what I have found

That maybe we're just dreamin' 'bout all the things we need

Someday you'll be leanin' into the arms of greed

 

You look like something has been bothering you

So I sit and stare, and wait for what I need to make you smile

Sometimes it's never enough to make your dreams come true

But it's nothing when you really know that Somewhere, there's a new dream for you

to call your own

and I know that it's hard to make things feel like home

when you're lost without a friend and somthings'll just never end for you

 

while you were in the stars with your Hollywood dreams while all the things you'll ever need are always what they seem to those of us with eyes to see what will come of life and living and human nothings, or somethings or miscalculated in-betweens then shall it all become all you'll ever dream of when your life is gone we'll all belong with who we didn't need. but some other people with nothing in between all the somethings that they breed will come to call on all the things that you will ever want for all of the sometimes rhymes lines, crimes and withering frosted dying orange vines in the fall of the winter that is just about to pass I'll turn and wave and you will know what it means to kiss a chunky, chocolate ass. but suicide and pesticide and varied degrees of concentration will bring with them a decree of semi-living alienation

 

In the morning, after you have left me again for the day

I sleep in my bed, alone and longing for what life won't bring my way

So sometimes I'll wait and see what will happen, or I'll go and find out for myself

Other times I'll sit and stare out into the sky, or leave my mind (reality) on some forgotten, dusty shelf

Haven't you ever stared at the clouds for no reason other than your own

Forgotten the world that persists in pulling you down to its level, where all the rats and local nobodies sleep in the gutters

And realize that they aren't real, they don't think, they don't dream, they don't live they just are

It has been so hard to find someone who realizes that they are more.

Not just the local rats, scraping by in there flooded-gutter existence (for lack of something better to call it)

but something real not something less than what everyone else perceives as a god,

but rather something more

Someone who knows that they are real, and not just imitating what they see in fantasy

but I don't think anyone else is real, just me,

and so I am resigned to a greater existence, although a seemingly empty one.

yet for some reason I think that I am more full than any other person that thinks they are something real, something more, but does not know for sure

 

Another morning long ago when you and I could live

I stared at the stars and wished that something would change our lives

But nothing I ever wanted ever went as planned

it just sort of crashed in a miscalculated insincere kinda way

I just guess I can't complain when what you ask is nothing

So I guess we just should move on and keep crying in the rain

And I never want to kiss your lips again

Never want to see the stars without some light to blind me first

Never want to taste the rain without acid burning on my tongue

Never want to taste my blood 'less the wound is gonna scar

And I never wanna hear a sound if it isn't from a gun

Seven and a half of something begging to be seen

Eleven coming down on something somewhere in between

Never want to be here if it isn't just a dream

Unless you wanted what you've seen

 

Black dragon, won't you kiss me with your golden tongue

Black dragon, you're heavy chested and too high strung

Black dragon, you're the only one, that I need

Thought I'd call you up the other day I heard you answer, but there was nothin' to say

Black dragon, there's just so many debts to pay

But you're just so lovely, words can not express

So many things won't come off of my chest

Black dragon, cure my loneliness,

Black dragon, come down from the stars

Black dragon, take away all my pain

Just don't understand about who we really are

I just don't wanna taste the rain

Black dragon, don't you know I'll lick your wounds

Black dragon, can't you understand I'm here for you

Black dragon, whatever pleases you, I'll do

Thought of givin' up and goin' home

But I couldn't bear to leave alone

So I'm kneeling here at your throne

Dreamt of givin' up and givin' in

Cut the loss, confess my sins

But somethin' brought me here this evinin'

Black dragon, kiss away my tears

Black dragon, take away the rain

Black dragon, wish away the fears

Black dragon, wash away the stains

 

In this world of kings and liars, we aren't blessed enough to live with our true minds

And in truth, all we require is a chance to search for what we will not find

Well, anyway, that's enough for all of us today, and I swear that I have not enough to say

 

Morning, kisses me softly

Something to share with me some light

Daydream, swallow me gently

'Cause what we both need can only be found at night

But I don't believe in anything you say, anyway

Well why don't you leave, I'm not in the mood to play, well anyway

Yelling and screaming as we both fall down it won't really matter when we hit the ground and you say, well anyway

Falling, whirling insanely Trying to find what does not want to be found

Calling, screaming mundanely

Asking to hide with whoever you think is around

But it's hard to grieve, when no one's passed away, anyway

I don't wanna receive all the shit that is coming my way, well anyway

Kissing the sky while it's falling down

Don't question why, just do it now, and you say, well anyway (Insert one minute-twenty-five second guitar solo here)

Evening, is falling again And I never did find a reason to taste the rain

Sometimes, when I look to sin I cannot confide in someone I don't believe in

But I don't trust in anything you say, anyway

And I don't wanna touch you cause I don't like the price I must pay, well anyway

Waking and dreaming as the world dies down

Tears falling blindly on some freshly turned ground, but you say, well anyway

 

Bitch! Say I, thing of evil

A bitch still if prof. or devil

Take thine mind from out this class and

Take thy form through that front door

Remove thine chalk from out thine ass

And quit this room through that oak door!

 

Because I don't want to give you a chance to prove that no one cares

Will I see your death and rest my head here upon the night's bosom

Where I will sleep, undisturbed for the rest of time

Free of the guilt of that pain that I have dealt to you and yours

Yet not free of this weary-making life of mine

Set here upon this isolated rock, frozen in the concept of time

Dreaming and waking and dreaming for just a little bit longer

Yet waking again just when my wishes are on the verge of being fulfilled

 

You say it doesn't hurt anymore

Heaven knows what he's got in store, got in store

I pray that I won't let you down

I'll learn to fly before we hit the ground, hit the ground

You say it doesn't matter, but we both know that it does

I believe the harder we try, the harder it is to get life the way it was

You don't know what it's like to be here

You don't know what it's like to live in fear

You couldn't dream what it's like to be me and I don't want you to

I don't want you to

Don't believe in any thing he says

Rules don't apply to us anyway, anyway

 

Nothing really matters 'cause you've let yourself down again

(He bound and gagged you)

Nothing really cares 'cause of all the times you've sinned

(He did it to you)

He forced his way inside, I know it's better left unsaid

(He took it from you)

Now you flirt with suicide, better off dead

And now you see, he took you from me

I don't know what to say to help you

There's a reason why, but as hard as I try

I cannot drag it out to save you

Now, there is no why or how

It's turning you inside out

I'm sticking beside you now

Nothing really belies in you

(He ripped your flesh)

Nothing would ever think to believe you like I do

(It's helplessness)

He forced away the only child, the only one I've loved

(He fucked you hard)

Now the only one you'll trust, is out of reach my love

 

We all want to hold in the everlasting gaze enchanted in the rapture of the sentimental sway but underneath the wheels, like the skulls of every cog the fickle fascinations of a neverlasting god

 

I know what it is that kills you now

I'll be your friend I'll show what it is that does it now

The means is not the end

I know you've never been here

I know your scared

I know what it is that gets you there

I know that you're not prepared

Grey snow is falling here softly now

Show me an angel

I know it's killing you gently now

You know it's just as well

I know that you shouldn't be here you're looking for the easy way out

I know they promised you something

But getting's what it's all about

Maybe it's not getting better maybe it's not working things out maybe they're making it better

But maybe's what it's all about

 

Laugh love and everything I've ever seen

it's just like they've never been

Suicide and cyanide sounds like something I would like to try, give it why?

Give it cause I'm feeling so empty

Give it cause I'm feeling sublime

Give it to you fast but still gently

'Cause you know it's just a matter of time

Stay here we'll get something better

I'm trying hard to just stay awake

Playing the role of a sexual predator

I'm trying just for your poor hearts' sake I'm trying just for your hearts' sake I'm trying just for your hearts' sake

Give me somethin to believe in

A little somethin to put faith in

'cause you know I can't believe in god

Give me somethin I can have

A little fuckin that'll last

Cause you know that I'm on my way back down

I saw my someone just the other day

I said I'd like to stay here baby, but I've got me better people to do

I like to do things in a little different way

Fuck today tomorrow start anew

It's a long road to something better now

It's an easy journey to believe in

If you gotta go you can drag someone down

 

  I met someone last night

A blossom of creativity, she seemed so much like me

Maybe it was the drugs, but I think it was not

We were translating Latin,

I was surprised by her It is so rare to find someone above the rest

Some of her works were incredible

I wish I had stopped to ask if she was interested in me

I would have liked to know

Instead I am left in suspense, my mind left to ponder at the hidden meaning behind her actions

Did the way she look at me mean anything?

Or did the hushed tone of her voice?

Did they mean something for the wrong reasons?

There is this odd tingling sensation I get when I think of her

Some massive release of endorphins similar to that in an orgasm

Perhaps, but what matters is it's there, not the chemistry that causes it

So beautiful, but not for her physical attractiveness, for I have seen far superior

(Though I am not so beautiful myself) but for something beyond all of that

I felt the connection, but was it one way?

My cynicism tells me that this is so, and my lack of faith is no consolation

I will likely never see her again, maybe there?

It was so dark that night, the shared body warmth lulling me to oblivion

It wasn't really necessary to be there, but I couldn't have dreamt of leaving her that night

I can't remember a word of her poem, just the incredible beauty of it

The warmth, the surprise I felt that someone could do something like that

To me

People are so mundane, it was truly a shock to see someone that incredibly gifted

Like myself

I didn't feel so alone

Then, as I do now

That she's gone

I'll probably never see her again

But, Maybe There?

It is strange... I feel so impacted by her that I would Develop a new directory, just for her In love, never to see any again?

Is it love?

 

You float black, unto the night that I cherish

Mystically wandering through the oblivion that I so long to be a part of

When you are there and I am standing longingly at your side

I kiss your neck, deep within my mind

Arms around your waist, heart around your soul

I revel in things of beauty, and to you there is no equal

So lonely without you that I cannot concentrate on much else besides the prospect of us

What can they comprehend about angelic seclusion?

You spend so much time alone, surely you must feel lonely at times

A vibration of sanctity, struggling with the prospect of never seeing you again

Left to fend myself, chest bare unto the world

And the angel that I pine for is no longer available because I waited too long

So I seek not a new saviour, but pray for a new opportunity with you

Is there the chance that I will be by your side again?

Body surrounding yours, mind around your being

All that I long to be is without hope unless I have my angel at my side

My alabaster saviour, pure unto the world, narcissistic games unapplicable to your sanctity

There comes to me a minor thought, lingering absently at the back of my mind

A wallflower of an inspirational metaphor, not making itself noticed

Yet noticed because it does not announce its presence

It is far from being anything of substantial consequence,

But hovers annoyingly just out of reach of being relevant

Dream a while for me Please?

 

  Lately, I'm feeling uneasy, but there's not a whole lot I can do

But pray for another opportunity, to say I'm in love with you

I swear I'm not going anywhere, I'll be there whenever you call

I'll come when you want me to take you there, and hold you whenever tears fall

My angel, on alabaster wings,

although I can't promise you all the finer things

You're my angel and whatever fate will bring our way,

I'll still love you at the end of the day

Lately, I feel a bit queasy, whenever I'm not there with you

A vision, of your god-like divinity, is all that keeps pulling me through

I promise not to cut you too deeply, but it's only a matter of time

'Till you say, ever so softly, your melodramatic goodbyes.

 

You're dragged down, washed out

The only thing keeping you from blowing your brains out

Is dying, is fading away

And I don't know what to say to make it all go away

That hurts To know that you're useless as far as they are concerned

That's life

To know you'd be better dead is eternally burned

In your mind, eternally burned in your mind

You're choking, on your own pain

As long as you've known them, they've all stayed the same

Now you're bleeding, and broke your own neck

When you slipped on the puddle of red on your back deck

And now we're both left here to die

Hanging from a rafter and wondering why

But it's gone it's gone and I know T

hat hurts to keep knowing you did it to yourself

Your happiness lies unclaimed on a long forlorn shelf

Drowning in your apathy, you know I'll always long to be

Safe in your arms, choking on your silver charms

And feeling alright as we both say goodnight

And knowing I"ll see you again

Knowing you'll still call me friend

Knowing we're forever in love

Sun down, on melody lane

As much as I smoke up, I just can't kill the pain

I wish I was safe in its ethereal grasp

As much as I would like it to, I know it can't last

Now I know I'm not safe in your arms

Choking down my apathy, embraced by your charms

Now I need some, I bleed some, I give it some more

And I know I'm too stupid to know what it's for

But I came home one evening, to find you hanging from the door

Now I know what it's for

Hanging from the door

Now I know what you're for

And I'm fading away

 

And you feel the sunlight strong against your eyes

A trillion watt halogen lamp glowing only for you

From where you stand, it looks like it's only you and the sky again today

It's vacant of birds, no down floating to the world below as it departs from its rest

The land is free of filth and the trials of human settlement

There are no notations that expose their fates

No dream-wrought explanation for their absence

And you like it here

Just you and the sky, the long day beating harshly into your eyes and heart

The trillion watts bearing down from beyond

Reach down, your hand in your pocket grasps the future

All that power, more than the trillion watt glow, but not as tangible T

he sealed fate that only you can alter

And you like that power, all for you

And you feel it here

And you don't owe anything to anyone, but they owe everything to you

They don't know what became of you, as you don't know what has swallowed them

And you refuse to take all that you have for granted

And all that you have is the absence of something

And the fulfilment that it brings

Just you and the sky, the sunset, the stars and the future in your pocket

You can feel the sky around you, the sunset as it kisses your lips

The stars in your eyes and the future in your pocket

It pulls you up and you apologize

You've woken up too soon, but stayed asleep much too long

There's no one here anymore, but there's no one there

So you feel the stars in the skies blending with the sunset

The hearts of all beating just enough to be out of sync with your

The trillion watt glow, barely pushing a million

The lights off in your eyes and the future's out of your pocket

And letting you see the stars overpower the skies

Through your own being

 

  My apathy is special, if I ignore you maybe you'll go away

One could hope that if I was a dreamer I would be a little better at it than you

Or maybe you'll stay and breath a little easier here than over there

Over where you do those irritating little things you do

That I never wished to be, doing a little adventure abreast of where we usually stay

The starlight in you eyes looks so strange

The melancholy gaze of angels working overtime within you

And you lay down your head, the quiet solitude

Nothing said

And it's good to be beside you, silky hair pouring over me like the heavens

Splash across the horizon as the sun sets in my mind

Who thought we'd ever get this far

Who thought we could ever be this far

The cherry lip gloss glances the stars off your mouth as your breath

Pours out over me, sour cherry smelling sweet

And strange

As the starlight in your eyes

The melancholy gaze working overtime without you

And dream together

THE starlight in your eyes looks so normal

The melancholy gaze of angels receiving their overtime

Within you

Sour cherry lips sweet on mine and cool

Pulse flittering against mine, the starlight

Glittering against our starshine

We don't owe anyone

Maybe it's best if we all keep this pent up inside

Feeling the overt sexuality taking us to where the stars shine

And the sour cherries grow only for us

And the sunset kisses our lips as we lay together

Under the stars and skies

 

And sometimes don't you have to wonder what our reasons would be And maybe what we could be in the future The past we shared together, Forgotten For something better

SSSSHHHHIIIITTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 SoSOMeTHinGthatHaSBotHeRedMeFoRaLoNgStrEtcHoFmYrEAliTyThEoNeTHaTiSlOOsEseLYbASeDonSoMetHIngQuiTeFarFRoMbEInGrEAlItyButNoTqUItEfArEnoUghFOrMyLiKINgMeAnDERiNgLooSElYiNToTHeMilDmAnOreDoBLivIOntHatHasEnVElopEDmEfOrSoLOnGthAtIwIsHtOtAkEyOUthereBUtITsEEmSsOMeTImESthATiWoULdNOtBeaBleToConVinCeYOuiFiTwasSomEtHinGthATiFelTiwOulDBoTHerTOtRY.butSomETimESiNmYweAkeRmOMeNts,iWiSHthAtIhADthEbaLLsToAppRoAcHyOUanDiREaLLywIsHThAtIcOULdFinDsOmEthIngBeTTerTOdOthAnTOlOOseLyPiNEiNmYaBsRtaCtMannERiSTiCwaYoverYoU.THEROCkANDROLLBANdTHaTiSplAyINgOnTHeRadIOreMinDsMeOfYoUfOrSoMeOddReASoNthAtIcAnnOtQuiTePLaCeMyFiNgERoNeVEnIfIwAnTedToWhIChIrEAllYdOn'TbEcAuSeItIsOhSoMuChBettERtOgOoNwIsHinGthAtYoUweReHerEAnDthAtIhADaNeXcePtioNaLLyCOLdBeerTHaTiCoUlDsPLiTwiTHyoUthEinTerEstINgWayTHaTiWouLdSoLovEtoTryToDoWItHsOMeBoDyEsPeCIallYyoUBUTyOuAreNoTHerEanYmOrEaNDiAmLefTtOfAnTaZiZEaNdMeMOriZEmYlinEsFoRiFiEvERsEEyOuAgAiNcAnYouReaLiZeTHeInCREdIbLedEgREEafPaINthAtIaMiNiNevERthOUghTthAtIcOUlDfeeLthIsWaYaGAiN,BuTiDoAnDiTiSaLLthANkStOyouBuTitIsPaInFuLiNaNeXtrEmElYaBsTraCTgooDsOrtOfWAybUtOnCeAgAiNthEquEsTIOnreMaInS...wILLiEvERsEEyOuAgAiN?mAYbeTHeRe.

 

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Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy 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Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melamcholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Melancholy Dreamers Die

 

Have you ever stopped to think about what you will become?

Dreamt of something higher?

Prayed for salvation?

Only She can save me, mystic and cryptic, protect me from myself

Only She would pray for me, longing and dreaming, shelter me from the world

I would be her angel, silent and unseen

I could be an angel, She'll repair my broken wings

Down here on Earth, where many fear to tread

Only She can see what will become

Foretell the aftermath of all the lies now come undone

Not too tragic to look at, not forbidden to touch

I've prayed for something to live for, not realizing it was too much

An angel has come to me

Despite my failings, She loves me

An alabaster saviour of the finest perfection, She mends my broken wings

But through it all, She's been there, standing by my side,

Saving me from the shadows

Thrusting me into the light, forgotten is the night

So dream a little, let your mind wander

Relax your hold on earthly tribulations that you so love to ponder

My ring of thorns bears witness to my martyrism

She protects me from the bland effects of life, but absorbs the force herself

I wish it wasn't so, that one day soon I'd realize I'd have to let her go

I can see the sorrow on her face, the thoughts of something ever after

Gone are days of blissful nights, graced with flights of laughter

My angel is fading and I can do nothing to stop the shadows from consuming our bliss

In a final gasp we stand, hand in hand, to face the coming metamorphosis

 

Throwing it all away for something that might not be behind door number three

So I choose porthole number two and what comes out is nothing new

But screaming about it won't make any difference to those of us who don't give a fuck

Realize it's nothing that serious

Polyethylene choke-chain, coke hung from the wire, dancing monkeys eager to feed their addiction

New aged hypocrisy swarming down on the innocent, plague strength locusts

Eager for their next fill of flesh

(They're vegetarian)

swoops and chokes out the pure

Eats them alive

Dance of the Magi, magical and ethereal naked bodies pulsating with illumination

Effervescent or halogen, or perhaps mercury vapour, but blinding

Plague of locusts drawn to their light and fade out through the blue-light bug-zapper

New reality of swarming insects, ants perhaps

Each with a human face, growing larger and clearer and screaming as I fall towards them

My blood streaming from my ears and onto them as they burst into illusional flames from the pesticide laced Type B negative oblivion

Slit me open, poor out my insides, turn them outside inside out back into you

Then, I'll find something better to do,

the eclectic reality of daydreamers seek thee out but never find you

They aren't looking too hard, It's better that way

Always leave some mystery behind your emotions and dreams and surreal after hours cut scenes

 

Just feel and all the sheep will follow Being here throng of crops blowing the gram across the addicts God tells them they never see the light Making my eyes strain as they focus on surreal abstraction Feeling so hollow Pesticide taking its stagnant toll on all who survey its deployment keep moving on Don't have the strength to fight liar don't know what the fuck I require, piss off Chase down the drain, feel the

What I believe is of no consequence fuckers going insane, heroine of drug users, needle propped against the arm What you feel is a little hapinstance a little deeper than it was meant to FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

Well fuck you Coursing through the blood soaked hallways, arteries through the heart; it stops and I stare Shit face liar Something to laugh about when I get home ShIt fACeD LIaR never see me smile choke down Choke on the agony you're about to feel the apathetic daydream we all set our watches by do you know how it feels Suck my fingers, see yourself about to kneel ? bow down MOthER FuCkER song too drowns out the lingering Keep suckin' liar sympathies Grrr!!!!!!....... being pissed makes me angry, being angry pisses me off Pass it off, feel some ambition flowing What the fuCk??????? Bite me expletive expletive, daydream futuristically The juices seeping, high flowing futuristically flow down and out now know what I'm all about, I'm not telling you Abstract realization, front line against temptation twice die be there I don't care anymore, fuck you do what you Sweating, hands slipping, sliding, wanna do I don't wanna know I don't wanna know mother fucker!! leave me out

Fuck you of it FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK them all I have the

Liar makings of a mass murderer, wanna find out for sure? fetish mother fucker Balance on my finger, feel the sorrow linger liar, you don't know Do you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Loco mo' fo' doesn't mean anything does it, never did fucking quid leave now liar don't wanna know you Don't fuck with me, it all goes downhill form here don't wanna be here fuck fuck fuck them all, don't deserve Don't you know what it's like to be me to die, too pricey a gift for their likes, spare a few, two will do Don't you want to bitch In love twice, never too see either again?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! maybe there Shit Faced liar shit faced liar, don't know what it's like, shit faced loco mo' fo' take it up the ass, be a man Drinking and killing steady blinking Dashboard light from the wrong side of a windshield doin 90 I'm just kidding or.... am I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Apathetic daydreaming henna swilling something better than us

We pray to your sympathetic mesmerizing then the killing one thing better than us

Understate the obvious overstatement that wears us down

And the people we become could never be the people who we are

I don't need this bleeding heart taking my life to supplment its own T

he trouble, understand, is we've got reasons that don't count

On us, smoke your cigarettes breath the laugh a minute vacation

It would be good to go away, just be and hang

Funny how we couldn't see at all until it was gone

But if there's nothing there to make us change,

Then if it's the same for you I'll just hang

Laugh and breath and chase it out until it fades and I don't feel like I want to be here Depth of the wraith and faith is not here for me, nothing's real nothing applies It's easy to believe, but it's a challenge to learn how to truly feel alive Wrathful olivine saviour is someone I could fall in love with and thrive Lavish indignation is what comes from the enlightenment of salvation Slim and clean and feeling as one, posh convenience and connotations of ambition Here and there is when I feel as if I'm set to go off And kiss somebody, feeling petty and impressionistic and thriving And someone out there must be like me, swears on themselves Just doesn't give a fuck about all the shameful fulfilment

 

One handed, nothing better to do, right hand only, now both, must keep them busy, keep them entertained, keep them from doing anything that involves them, cheap ass coke commercial underage girls, paedophile instinct kicking in and leaving me weak, try to fight it I win, it's all about control, all about perception, over eager perception, I wish I could create something beautiful, something perfect, something better than anything else, I wish I could free the feelings in my spine, I pine for something, what's the point if it's only sex, I long for the female touch, firm against my flesh, and soft against my heart, baring all, teeth included, in a non threatening manner, mannerisms make me wonder about myself... Am I human? or am I something more or something less as I cannot be equal

 

So many things I need to see, obligations to fulfill and wanton lust to divulge and obey, I know I don't really need to, but I feel obligated, it's going to be traumatic, vow of silence against everything and anything and nothing all at once. I'm getting frustrated, It's something I enjoy, but I'm just not in the mood for it, maybe I'll go for a walk.

Maybe there? A long adultery, this empty thing will rain down And I'm oblivious, I'll go insane and be down Save a light for me, I'll come inside when I'm done The truth is obvious, I'll leave my heart when I'm done When all the pettiness is through, and we're still wonderin' what to do now Will you still be with me hold my hand while I drown And fade it away, Left here still wondering what I can say It's never enough to last Choke the sympathy away from here, inside out and insane Masochistic fantasies, revel in the rush of pain Daydream, the monsters inside of my head Hear them scream, before they're all dead what would you do if I was gone.

 

The light drifts to the west, the shadows to the east, the clouds to the north, blue skies from the south.

Sometimes it's hard to tell where each is going, and if they're going has something to do with you.

Some days, I wonder about what bearing they have on my life; how each would fare if I wasn't there to mind them and stare.

The shimmering star that I saw once, but never again was able to find in the night sky, entices me to ponder thus.

Low, no answer can be gained of ponderous searching, through a metaphorical telescope, ever scanning the night sky.

The answers that are sought can only be gained from finding that star again, and asking of it: Does it think of me, wonder how I fare? Searching 'mongst the stars and skies hoping that I'm there?

Oh, the multitude of reasons keeping me alive, all for naught from longing that I'd find her 'mongst the stars and skies. Maybe there?

 

I watched you drown

Smiling all the way

Didn't make a sound

Just faded away

Now I want to believe

I never had a friend G

ot some disease

But it's not the end It's not the end Of me

Well I've never heard Of thee

But it doesn't matter you see

Cause I watched you drown

Fighting all the way

Couldn't make a sound

Just faded away

Now I don't believe

That I ever had a friend

You're a disease

Try to force an end

 

 Metaphor for a missing moment, locked inside and staring at the world. It passes you by, you just stop and stare, reach your lovely hand to it and it passes you by, but it's so difficult just to stop, just to let go

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKkjy;xse4iotfv8yg I?BH:JUO;lkj.,m/

A melodramatic, sad wisp of smoke spiralling it's way about my finger to beg forgiveness of whatever crime it was being punished for. the last dying breaths of a flame whose fate I decided, and chose to extinguish. It did nothing wrong, nothing I didn't want, yet I threw it away regardless.

 

Starcrossed

Now I know it's coming down the shit will hit the fan

Cut your ties, I'm nuking the town

It's part of my evil plan

Starcrossed, you never see it coming even when I point it out

Starcrossed I'm gonna take it out on you

Even when I told you so

You couldn't believe me right I know it's yes, you're certain it's no

So I'm taking you out tonight Starcrossed

 

She tastes the chemicals burning on her tongue

Knows that soon she'll find a life

Settle down and be someone

So why is she so in love with that knife?

It glitters in a most mysterious way,

Fascinating, the blood just washes away

Knowing that only she will know

She hates the hospital

Smells the moon shining it's last light

Before the bar she works closes down for night

Takes it all in stride, shuts her eyes and opens wide

Takes it in and then she goes away

Then she's flyin', she feeling

Her feet lift off the ground

And all the lying and the screaming becomes ambient sound

And then she goes away

Then she's flying away

She knows that who he loves is

Venus And he's leaving home tonight

She's feeling all alone

The starlight taunts her endlessly

Fascinated by her lack of faith

She finds it hard believing something that sounds so common place

 

now it's over now I know I'm obsolete,

now I know the antithesis too sugar is in itself sweet,

now you're coming, now I'm not,

now it's freezing, you're nonetheless hot,

now I'm useless,

now I know that all the lies we tell ourselves will never let us go,

now I'm tepid, full of steam, potentially explosive, now contained,

now I'm fighting, begging to be restrained,

now there's nothing, now I understand, that all the lies we tell ourselves are burdens in our hands,

now I know there's nothing more, now I know you're gone,

now they know what this was for,

but I'm still leaving, now there's nothing, here at all,

now a month, now a year that's all,

now I can see the dark cold light of hell,

now I see you in flames

now I see that what we want to be is nothing but a string of games,

now I can let it go, now I can tell myself the things I never thought I'd know

 

Down came your angel, her broken wings bleeding from the stars,

down came an angel, her eyes crying tears for you,

down came my angel, to suffer in my arms,

It's impossible, the fear we feel, so impossible to doubt in everything (everything)

Down came your angel, broken heart bleeding tears from her eyes,

down came an angel, feeling the pain we feel,

down came my blackbird, to suffer in your arms.

You got beat on, mostly for being at home, so mostly you were never there,

Me I'm waiting to see, what goes around when you come around to kill me,

Were you dead way before tonight?

We're not sick, we just need it for the weekends, and you wait for it and it's gone and nobody know that I loved you better than life. Let's die a while (just you and me)

 

Angel. Just you and me, alone in the night Medicine of a moonlight serenade making the heart grow fonder in absence

 

Who wants to blaze a fatty?!?!?!?! with all of us holding our breath, just a waste of fifteen bucks, two for twenty five, three for fourty ten bucks after that until you get to seven for seventy (ten each)

 

Our souls braced through our skin by the frozen night air.

Just you and me and the stars.

Just us three.

I can see your red hair glowing like it were a wild fire, rampant and warm in the still of the night.

Perfect and bright upon the black velvet sky.

Against the darkness that is me.

I have no energy of my own mingling with yours.

All I can feel is you.

And it is good.

 

Hello I've waited here for you everlong Tonight, I'm throwing myself into and out of the red

 

Now, here in the shadows.

Nothing else.

Nothing sacred.

A frozen place where angels fear to tread.

A meaningless bleakness too lonely even for the dead.

Not a star that shines here.

Not a place where we decay.

Not a dream that frightens us.

Not a nightmare that helps us drift away.

Imprisoned in the melancholy sadness.

Imprisoned alone and longing for you.

Imprisoned everlong, ever waiting for what I know to be true.

My head is full of drifting thoughts.

They are much too fleeting to make much sense.

I cannot tell anymore who my angel is, or if I even have one and I need to make amends.

My apathetic day dream monster.

Laughing at me from inside my head.

 

Angel

A frozen, moonless night. Devoid of life, devoid of hope, devoid of sustenance. Black and motionless. Comforting and consuming all at once. No stars shine, no clouds drifting by on silent wings; just the emptiness of eternity. I lay on my back upon the cold earth; frozen by the January chill. calmed by the silence that hovers over my life. And now I can finally hear something, though it seems less real than the ever present nothingness. It is the melancholy trickling of flowing water, and indeed, I can feel the warm moisture moving hurriedly across the flesh of my bare arms. It alarms me, yet soothes me just the same with its insistent pressure. It floods my senses, as it flood the frozen plain. Its tepid warmth drawing the frost from the earth and from my heart. Rising over my exposed limbs, and soon over my exposed chest. The fluid rushing over my ears, drowning out the silence and flooding over my soul. Finally over my face and eyes, my drifting in the gentle current. The water blocking my view of oblivion so that all I can see is her.

Angel

 

It's far too cold where I come from.

Nothing there to keep us warm.

Although I try to light the fire,

Others douse it out of fear of the unknown.

Don't forsake us. I beg of you: don't hold us down.

Please understand that I cannot bear the isolation of this cold and lonely town.

Upper-lower-middle-class. One colossal pain in my rosy satin soft hard-ass mind.

 

And now for something completely different...

 

Shards of memory pierce through the ever present, and often oppressive, reality of my life. It is a welcome escape, and is accordingly greeted with enthusiasm; for the shard is a very fond and pleasant memory. It is the memory of when I first fell in love...

I can feel the omnipotent music droning endlessly, and it seems mindlessly, with its insistent and hypnotic rhythm. The warmth of hundreds of people, hundreds of mobile decorations, as they move in time to the impressive rumble of the sound system. All of the cold energy of those lying jumbled on the decrepit furniture. Dozens of the people-ornaments; all of them broken from too potent a mixture of drugs and energy. I can feel all of them, living vacuums, all creating and imbalance in karmalitic space. But most of all, and most importantly, I can feel Her. It was an unexpected pleasure to have encountered her in this most eclectic of places, but a pleasure nonetheless. An extreme pleasure, for both of us. I had not seen her in weeks, and had been wondering since day one where she had disappeared too without leaving me a trace. It didn't matter at that time anyway, she was here, now and less innocuous than those intertwining people-ornaments.

 

I don't know what any... any of this. What it is. What it will be. What I have to do to know. It tends to make me. I don't know. It bothers me that I can't understand. What a thing to do. I'm just skin and bones. I don't know beautiful. I don't know. Anything I can do... I'm just so... I don't know. I wish that I could just breath the stars and maybe they could let me know. I... don't know...

 

Less conspicuous than I used to be

Less alive than the night that is me

Less of something I don't understand

Less than playing god But more than his master plan

Don't you miss us? Don't you ponder thus?

Don't you wonder where we'll land?

Don't you wish you could see... How hard it is to understand.

How do I approach you?

How can I be what I want to?

How long can I wait

How long can the dying god Bear the sorrowful wait?

But now... more, for wanting less

But even now comes bitterness

But you try to comprehend

But even I can't help My friend Angel.

 

How Do you heal a broken angel?

Do you kiss it better, hope for the best?

Heal it with prayer, tell it to rest.?

It's alright... Hoping it will heal... Hoping I can... heal.

Help me heal... My darling angel, are you able to understand?

All I want to do is help... All I want to do is save you.

Maybe then, you could save me a little.

Maybe then, what is it I want from you?

what is it I'm looking for?

Why can't I let you go. Heal yourself, and then maybe get back to me.

 

I'm sorry for all the things that I've done.

Sorry for what I wish hadn't happened.

Maybe we should talk for a while.

Maybe I scared you.

Maybe I let you see too much.

Maybe If I talked to you, I wouldn't be so unsure

Of myself

Maybe I could let you go

Or maybe let you come

It would be up to you

Maybe I let you know too much

I hate always being right

I hope that just once You could prove me wrong

 

Strip away the flesh, the fancy

See what we can find

Never coming back, maybe never left

See where I end up, see if I can stop

Strip away the hate, the envy

See if we were blind

Never coming home, maybe I can hide

See if I go bottoms up, see if I can rot

Never gonna stop, never going to end

See if we ever get caught

Don't turn the page, leave us out in the rain

Pour it down on us, let it feel like pain

A blood moon that lights our path

See if we survive until the aftermath

Don't let me go, never let me stop

Leaving it behind, a little more often than we ought

To help us escape the past.

Tell me when it's time to go

Let me know, baby, let me know

Nothing will keep me here but you

Nothing can seperate my mind from you

Never gonna let it stop

Baby never let me stop

All this craziness that keeps me alive

All this insanity that eats me up inside

No need to try to make me stay

I'll end up goin psycho anyway

The last train to never-never land

Just took a turn across my hand

Too low now to think of you

Not enough time to do what I want to do

With life and living large and lean

Kiss my lips and tell me I'm still clean

 

Day blends into night and I'm left here wondering where the line is drawn When I'm dreaming, or awake. When I'm here or when I'm gone Drawing breaths of some unknown sky With little comprehension of the will or the reasons why Dreaming the melancholy daydream, with my mind, the monster Wondering why I can't excape the life that leads me under Never will this day come again, but never will it leave And I wonder if I can understand why life and living makes me grieve For you can lead us to another world where nothing makes much sense And I can be your savior who stands by your side in medicated silence

 

Your name cannot be known or spoken

For we are well shy of being gods

Yet awe inspiring as any god could ever be.

 

I can't explain it. I feel nothing Though I know what I have to Put me down

I felt nothing that day. Do you know if I'm really willing to? Wake up and see

I've got the fever for the flavor of the pain Hey, you, what do you say That we're starving

I like to feel just for a fix When all things beautiful rot away But we'll never be put out

I know that life is for the taking Hey, you, what do you say Of misery and sex

But I know there's something You've got a life-span that's in my way Of mediocrity and cold

That keeps me here Do you think you're beautiful? (Slip some)

I found a conclusion (You're not) Heavy, but even I can carry it

And I guess that's something Just another fix, for the one you love A burden for the masses

But I ask you... If you cared at all, you'd let me drown But only I can carry it

What the hell am I doing You can't hear what I'm telling you Hey you said you would love to die some

Rotting my life away, just for kicks? I'll feel better Left here swimming in circles on a fishhook

when I'm numb swallowed, although I'm with everyone

and yet

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Introspective....

It is almost time for me to grow up, be responsible, move out, get a job. Time for me to start fending entirely for myself. I've always thought that I was more responsible than I should have been, but now, I'm old enough that no one can ever have any control over me. It seems, that without me even noticing until I was eveloped by it, I have been enthralled by freedom and binging on it. Losing all responsibility, when most people are just starting to develop it. I've done everything backwards. I have to wonder whose fault it is... is it theirs for forcing things upon me, or is it mine for my introverted and retrospective way of dealing with everything. I don't know. My life is confusing as hell, and I've given up alot over a very extended period of time. It seems I'm trying to get it all back as quickly as possible. I worry that it will not end when I need it to, and I'll be left holding the bag, so to speak. I kind of have to wonder how everyone else would have fared if I hadn't been there to be sensible and not let go. I wonder if I'll every completely be able to let go of my sense of responsibility and duty. Even in the throng of drug-induced insanity, I've had to keep my head while others excessed and didn't know how to deal with it I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been there. Maybe I over-exaggerate my importance. People probably would have fared just as well without me. I really am self aware. I know I'm tactless and have no social skills. I try not to be such a socially inept putz, but I keep on freaking people out. I don't know how the hell it happens. Things always seem like such a good idea at the time.

 

 Only with my heart in it's rightful place

There, upon the bosom of the night

Will I find my miniscule piece of life

Wherever I end up

However scarred I am by my travels

I will always come back

Unto the arms of the night who loves me

She loves me...

If only I knew what was to become of me

If only I could understand how the hands of fate will lead my life

If only I could comprehend the solidarity;

The sacredness between her wrist and my knife

What could occur that could poison us so

What is it that binds our thoughts to our own romantic deaths

What is it that takes our breath despite all we have come to know

The knowledge that knowing why we are won't keep us from our rest

But now I have to question why what is was meant to be

But never will I question why we live as who we are

But does it matter if we question the world, question life's sincerity

Or will it simply drag us under, perhaps place us 'mongst the stars

 

The mother of all that is

The mother of all that will become

The creator of cold, lonely life that we live

Worshipper of all the lies undone

Necromantic kiss of life

For life is a love affair with death

The perfect kiss of a heated knife

The perfect sorrow of our own sad death

Sing the praise

Of the chemical god

Know the price

Of worshipping loss

The necromantic kiss of death

That's keeping me alive

The palindromic scale of time

That's out of sinc with life

So dream a little, let your mind wander

Relax your hold on all the dreams

That you so love to ponder

What could make you wonder thus?

Can you cure this heinous lust?

Is it true that you can see

What makes me you

And you, in turn me

 

You walk backwards, into the shadows

You're watching me, and I catch myself staring

I look at you,

I wonder why you're hollow

You see my gaze,

I catch myself caring

I understand, as well as I can

You comprehend, but you don't care

I hold your hand, because I can

You hold it back, but you aren't there

You fill yourself, I fill myself with you

I can't let go, but can't hang on

I kill myself, kill myself with you

I won't let go, I'll love you 'till its gone

I catch you as you fall

I wish that I could see through the dark

I collapse into you when you call

You look at me, blankly, shrouded by the dark

 

Shadows... Cold and soft, yet warm and hard

A blanket to wrap you, earth to bury you

A fire to burn you, a heaven to welcome you

A velvet painting, true to life

True to a point, true to my heart

Rippling, pulsing, concealing the flow of time

Writhing, gasping, clinging to my mind

You could dance with me here

And no one would know

You could take my life, and no one would know

Shelter from the eyes of mourners

Shelter from the grasping hands of fate

You here, and me in your arms

I could be a blanket to wrap you, the

Earth to bury you I am a fire to warm you, a heaven that welcomes you

All if you would join me...

Hold me here

Here in the shadows...

 

 I take a deep breath in. It lingers there for a moment; the briefest moment in time, an eternity in my mind. The cold air swirls about the chambers of my lungs, drifting freely as some ethereal mist, gently poking it's ghostly fingers into the shallow concavities that decorate flesh of my insides. The air tantalizes my lungs, plays childish games of kiss and tell with the cells of my body and the black cigarette tar that clings to them. In the next instant it is gone. It rushes out of my mouth as though it has just been confronted by the being who's home it has invaded. Its retreat is slowed by the stolen heat and moisture that now burdens its shoulders. My breath passes freely into the frozen night air. It billows out in angst ridden plumes of steam. Every last water molecule is backlit by the lonely silver light of the moon, and each molecule of air pauses for a moment to congratulate its' counterparts on the success of their daring midnight raid, before silently dispersing into the heavens to be carried into eternity by the ever present breeze. I pause a moment further to contemplate the poem that has been written in front of me and inside of me. But poetry is not the purpose of my being on this eternally distant, otherworldly evening. In truth, I do not know my purpose for certain, but I am certain that I have one. I look solemnly down the bleak trail I have been travelling on. I look to the past, and see how short the distance is before the parts I have already explored, and sworn I would never forget, disappear into the encompassing arms of the shadows. It seems that I have been walking eternally, though I know I have only been travelling for but a short span of time. The uncertainty of the shadows, and their unwillingness to let me see where I have come from, seems to be an appropriate metaphor for my journey thus far. I never knew where my journey actually started, and in the presents of the past, I never really knew where I was. I look forward, into the future that awaits me. That direction is as hidden and mysterious as the trail behind me. My eyes cannot penetrate the endlessness of the shadows, and there is no way for me to conceive of what may lie ahead. I have a feeling, though, that it will not be the same as the lands I have already seen on my adventure. There will be many strange sights and sounds, many forks in the road with mysterious paths leading off into the unforgiving shadows. The uncertainty tugs at me. I am almost tempted to set up camp here, at this bleak spot on the endless trail, and maybe wait for light. I know deep within, though, that I cannot postpone any further; and that I have already lost much time as I pause to contemplate what lies ahead, and what I have left behind. Suddenly I know what my purpose is on this night, and I know enough not to think too long about it, lest the opportunity pass me by. I bolt headlong into the shadows. I run and do not pause a moment to think. The inky blackness before me parts as I pass through it, the cold silver moonlight granting just enough foresight to prevent me from stumbling into the many potholes that mar the surface of the trail. I can sense the currents of night and time swirling about me and tangling together in distorted eddies behind me. I can feel the branches of the forest clawing at my flesh as I rush past, grasping desperately at my skin, trying to slow my progress. I can feel the sting of the brambles as they tear ragged little wounds into my arms and legs. I revel in the rush of pain, the adrenaline and the scent of blood driving me onward, ever gaining momentum. I imagine the creatures of my past catching scent of my blood and giving chase. The poetry of my breathing quickens tempo until it is a hundred times faster than it had been. The sheer thrill of the speed drives me onward, and the pain of the forest on my flesh makes me want more. The silver moonlight can no longer keep pace, and I can do nothing now but feel my way along my trail; but I cannot afford to stop and consider what my senses tell me. I simply must go faster. And as the shadows deepen as I plow through them with reckless abandon, I suddenly know what it is that inspired me to run; for she is there. I can see the light of her face through the darkness; I can feel the warmth of her breath through the chill of the frozen midnight air; I can hear the music of her voice through the screeching fury of the wind as it flows past my ears; I can taste the sweetness of her lips through the saltiness of my own blood; and I can feel the softness of her touch through the stinging pain that torments my flesh. Yet through the awe and joy that I feel, there is a lingering weakness within. And I fear that I may fall....

Angel

 

Held above

drawn to where the fire flies

Held responsible

I'm the reason why the whole world dies

So ethereal

the way the light shines in your eyes

so believable

the way you shudder when you cry

and

Twenty years of wasted moments

twenty of them thrown away on you

Twenty tears gone down the gutter

twenty reasons why i wait for you......

to die

held below

drawn to where went i insane

held accountable

I'm the reason why you feel this pain

so subliminal

how you convinced us you were sane

far too trivial

the way you think is so inane

and

twenty years of hollow anger

twenty threats against your life

twenty bullets in your chest

twenty years of waiting for you to

die

held inside

pulled to where my body lay

made invincible

hypnotized by what you say

all that we gave up

all the bullshit games you play

twenty years of feeling sorry

twenty meteors fallen down

twenty years of being angry

twenty seconds 'till you hit the ground

and die

standing smiling waiting while you die

twenty people waiting for you

die twenty people

twenty seconds

took twenty years too long

for you to die...