So many times I
think, my life’s shit – because I’m so marginalised, alone, without love or
partnership, in a town full of small town eyes and minds and little insight; I
feel some times, in the depths of depression “the only thing that keeps me
afloat is my child, my studies or possibly my will for many things to come”…
Then I take a
look at other people and listen to what has gone on in their lives. For example, Ahmet,
whose wife died nearly a year ago and since then, he’s been stalked, robbed,
vandalised and targeted by the same hell-bent people – members of his wife’s
family who obviously hated him from the start and now would like him dead. Well, they’ve now managed to burn his small
humble home down… He’s still laughing,
as his best friend has just died in the hospital; it’s hard to tell what’s cover up and what’s really coping in his own
light-hearted way…
Crazy,
what life throws at people; always the ones that deserve it least.
Tammy, small, 4
foot 10 inches short, still physically rugged yet mentally fragile…!
Went under again
recently, through no fault of her own. Raped again; is it the second time or the
third?
Dear
soul/determined spirit; determined to be strong, determined to preserve her
mind and dignity…
It washed her
under for months; under the duvet, under its spell – locked in a closet of
despair.
She’s broken free
now, she’s rebuilding all over again; taking her life and power back…
I look at my life
again, full of day to day hardships, my health is uncertain, I have no family
and my son has no father who loves him.
We have each
other though, we have a beautiful home!
Jasper’s future is bright. The
world around him is grim and evil, but he sees only hope.
My work is laid
out in front of me! I have a marathon to
walk, but I’m almost halfway through to the finish.
I think, compared
to people like Ahmet or Tammy or even Jenny, who was
told her mother tried to kill her when she was a baby, I’m had it ok; I’ve
gotten off light apart from when I was stifled for years by family – yet I got
away, I got out…
I don’t believe
in luck; I believe in synchronicity, that things are the way they are for a
reason.
I think life
takes us through different patterns; different experiences that shape who we end up to be.
Shit can be
thrown at any one at any time and we all wade through it in different ways; we
all suffer in our own way.
We all grieve,
mourn, despair and ache in different ways and to different degrees, according
to the level of shit posted our way and according to how strong we are.
I think, that Ahmet would like to appear invincible, or at least, not
kept down more than twenty-four hours.
I think Tammy
gets beaten back, dragged down by the very demons that torment her.
Yet, Tammy always
gets up again and seeks out the best coping techniques for her, like her
Buddhism.
Jenny gets angry,
hurt, beaten and damaged and carries her shit around like an over stuffed pack
on her back…
Maybe my shit is
on its way – all packaged up neatly to be hurled at me hard some day, to
splatter all over my face, the kitchen walls – just to bring the whole house
down with a huge crash and maybe it’ll happen soon; but in the meantime, I’m
enjoying this time, this peaceful time, this steady current that carries me
through these days.
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