WORDS FOR ACHING HEARTS
If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to heaven
and bring you back again.
Our hearts still aches in saddness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
no one can ever know
We think of you in silence
We often speak your name
Your memory is our keepsake
With which we'll never part
Since you'll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
is where you'll always stay
GOD has you in his keeping

We have you in our hearts.
Not a day goes by, where I don't think of you, long for you, pray for you and dream of you. Some days it's a single tear, other days it is too many to count. I wonder if the hoping for you all my life was just preparing me for this even deeper longing. How I wish we had our chance. No longer can I hope for one day in the future to have some of your time and commitment. Letting the hope go is very hard to do, as I've hoped all my life for you. Even though I know I will never have you, I still grieve for the time long lost and the time I thought we'd get to, in the future.
How? I ask myself...How will I stop the hoping for what i will never have, but been so determined I'd one day recieve? How do I let go of the man I've always been chasing, hoping one day to catch up to...How?
MY HOPES ARE THAT MY FATHER FLEW A GREAT WHITE BIRD UP TO HEAVEN
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one still crying. The hardest times are when I'm at the kids house(where he should be). I wish he could see how close we've all come. I wish we were close when he was alive, so he could enjoy watching us love one another. I see James working hard with Keith, and I overflow with tears of sadness that he's not working alongside Dad. I look into Meagans eyes and wonder how she is feeling, not wanting to bring up Dad for fear of making things worse. I worry so very much about the kids. I wonder how they are dealing with it. I want to say more and do more and love more, but I know it won't help. I want to wrap my arms around them forever.
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1