I guess you just never know how your life is going to turn out.
I mean one day you're perfectly healthy and the next you're not.
It's really quite strange. I guess mostly you just learn to accept
it and move on. It's really easy until people make comments that
they don't even realize may upset you. At first you may even blame
yourself or think that you apparently must have done something
wrong. Then you just get depressed and/or angry, and then you
may possibly even give up. I'm talking about PCOS otherwise known
as polycystic ovarian syndrome, that horrid illness, or whatever
name you choose to call it. It's good to see so many sights popping
up around the net about it, but I still don't think most people
upderstand. I remember when the weight set in. It was horrible.
I couldn't understand why I was getting so heavy, I don't think
anyone could. I remember the days when I could wear my friends
clothes, but that all ended around the age of about 14. I also
remember the pre-excessive body hair days.....Ah, the wonderful,
wonderful days those were. Now if I go one day without my beloved
pair of tweezers I nearly have a nervous breakdown.... Can anyone
see the hair? Oh my God, can anyone see the hair? If I am not
shaving, plucking, or complaining at least 1 zillion times a day
then my life just isn't complete.
I know what I forgot.... I forgot about all the tests and ultrasounds and everything else you have to go through and no one can still figure out what you have....Let's see: The excess hair runs in the family, the weight is because you're lazy and eat too much, irregular menstrual cycles is due to elevated stress levels or something else, depression....well, I won't go into that. I got every possible diagnosis except PCOS for 5 years. I should feel lucky that anyone ever found. The only thing is that I did the research. I knew what was wrong with me, but no one would believe me. Oh Dawn, you're just a hypochondriac. Well, ok, maybe I am just a little, but I knew there was something wrong with my body and no one would listen to me.
Ok, enough about the ranting. Once everything was all said and diagnosed. I went on the pill.... or should I say I went on several different types of the pill. Mostly because the pill seems to make my blood pressure elevate for some strange reason. I went on diets, weight loss programs, more pills, more diets, high blood pressure medicine, more diets and now back on a different pill. I still have massive hair growth and I am still overweight. I am starting to learn to live with it now. I really don't know what I would do without those tweezers.
It takes a lot of getting used to knowing that you have more hair than most of the men in your family (my family is pretty hairless which is why I was always so curious as to why the doctors thought it was just hereditary hair growth). My favorite thing to tell my family as to why I wasn't dating was because I didn't think any man would want to date a woman who was hairier than they were. (I was wrong about this by the way....Most guys seem to not really mind once you tell them what's wrong with you.
I am still pretty self-conscious about my hair and weight though. I think out of all the things those two bother me more than anything else. I wish for just one day to be normal, but I know that will never happen. I see women of average weight and no hair and I would like to be like them for just one day. I know there are methods out there, but most are very expensive and without insurance just aren't available. But, that's ok too because one day I will be finally be done with school and on my way to financial freedom.
So, even though this is a rant it feels good to get it out. I guess just sharing the story with other people who know what's going on is nice too. Until the next time.... I will be with my dear, sweet, precious tweezers and of course my weekly episodes of Lexx.
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