WHY GARETH IS A MUTHAFUCKING WANKER

 

 

Gareth Gates, such a big name in the pop world! NO! Only if you’re a girl, and if you’re a boy who likes our batty-boy, Gaz, you should be labeled a faggot! No joking, that’s what you are! (It had to be said!)

 

So what’s the wanker done?

 

A little less records sold, a little less dancefloor action…

Oh, dear god no!

Elvis vs. JXL went straight to number one, appealing to both our generation (a gr8 dance track, famed from its Nike Football adverts) and the more senior of the world (for instance, my mum loves it and blasts it out of our Peugeot!) whoever bought it, well done, it got to number one.

Where does Gareth come into this then?

BMG, the record company who released JXL’s remix are also Gareth’s record label.

AND?

Well, they’ve only gone and deleted A Little Less Conversation (no more are being produced) so GARETH can outsell it and get to the number one spot! WHY THE FUCK? We DON’T NEED SHITTY POP in our charts!

I’m sure all the women would have all gone out and bought Gaz’s new single, and perhaps some men living in Soho might have bought it, but this is PURELY A FIX.

 

Elvis turns in his grave again

The wanker has done it again. After ‘fairly’ (ahem) beating Elvis to number one, somehow SUPSICIOUSLY outselling the deleted A Little Less Conversation, Gaz does it again.

The prat has done none other than done a cover of The King’s WORLDWIDE famous song Suspicious Minds- and pretty much screwed up another all-time classic with his petty, girly voice.

I feel so sorry for Elvis, he wont be getting any sleep 6-feet under, and his wife Pricilla who is probably grieving over such an atrocity. RIP

 

Dear friend in shock

Our dear friend (and super model extraordinaire), Booty, is in a state of shock after discovering that National Gareth Day is on her birthday.

The bereaving Booty said:

“Who the fuck does he think he is, having his day on my birthday, one of the only days I have to myself?”

 

~Booty, our hearts go out to you~

 

Let us also take this time to remember Will Young, the bloke who so rightly won Pop Idol, whom all the girls forget, preferring gap-toothed Gareth to him. Poor man.

 

Jordan ‘affair’ is a load of shite- By George Best

Taken from his column in Night and Day Magazine (20/10/02)

 

“I have never heard anything more ridiculous than this supposed affair between Jordan and Gareth Gates. Its just another PR stunt- on whose behalf I don’t know.

Jordan needs the publicity, because, apart from her freakish cleavage, her constant presence in the gossip columns is the only reason she’s famous.

Gareth Gates needs it for his new record, although his PR team have denied the whole affair.

Can’t anybody let their work do all the talking for them?

I guess not when it’s no better than a load of manufactured karaoke. If you ask me, there’s more talent in a flea circus than in the pop charts these days

 

Well said my son!

 

GAZ GOES GANGSTA! 6/11/02

It would seem that the Pop Idol gangsta is now starting brawls in nightclubs (strangely enough it wasn’t in Soho) skynews.com reports: (and I provide any comments I feel appropriate)

Gareth Gates' good (batty) guy image has been tarnished after he allegedly caused a punch-up in a nightclub.

It happened when the Pop Idol star and some [bum]chums dropped in at Chinawhite's in London's West End.

A fight is reported to have broken out after the chart-topper demanded a little "space". (room to bend over)

"He was ushered straight to a table with his pals and made it clear that he didn't like being seated so close to other guests (heterosexuals)," a source told the Daily Mirror.

"He told his pal to sort it out because he needed some space. (as he wasn’t tuff enuf to sort it out)

"There was a scuffle and the next minute a fight broke out," the source said. “the boys were slapping eachother like little sissies”

"Security came running in and broke up the fight. They didn't eject Garteth or his mate but they did tell the guy who had been hit to leave."

The incident adds to a string of misfortunes in recent times for the singer. (including his record company ACTUALLY signing him!)

Gates' debut album has been knocked off the number one spot by David Gray's new release this week. (big up urself Dave Gray. Great Christian name as well ;) )

He was also recently dumped by Pepsi. (rumour has is Pepsi was the name of his last bf)

What can be said about the ‘Don’ of pop? Howzabout “GO FUCK A SHEEP!!”

 

 

 

 

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