and what is the point...?
I often hear people talk about "wasting time." Usually this title is used to describe activities that allow us to indulge in enjoyment or fun. If I am out with my friends trying to enjoy their company and laugh with them then, technically, I am "wasting time." Or if I am lying on my bed reading "Rosshalde" by Hermann Hesse for a few hours, trying to get a feeling for what he's saying, one could say that I am "wasting time." I just think that this way of thinking is completely backwards and devoid of any understanding of what life can really be about...
This is becoming a recurring theme of mine, but I don't feel that our time on this planet was designed specifically so that we could create these hypothetical theories like politics or capitalism and pour all of our energies into perfecting them. I don't think that we "exist" to see who can acquire the most money or possessions, or to see who can keep their automobile the shiniest, or to keep our carpets spotless and our table-tops free of dust...
I see the world as a palette, providing us with all the colors that will comprise the substance of our lives and the materials that we must use to create those substances. It seems to me that so much of what we do is nothing more than a diversionary tactic, a way of keeping our minds busy and our mouths moving in order to avoid any uncomfortable silences. I see trees and hills and the sky and I know that they are there to stay. They were somehow intended. I see a Lexus and Elle Magazine and social heirarchies and I know that they are nothing but agreed-upon hypotheticals. They only hold meaning because we have all agreed upon it. We have agreed that having a high-paying job makes you a better person than someone who is poor and dirty. We have agreed that making enough money to buy a status-symbol vehicle is really an important thing to do. Somewhere along the line we seem to have forgotten what was important to us as spiritual beings...
I feel that the most realistic, important things we do in life will pertain to our emotional beings. I think that laughter is much healthier than a bottle of Ginko Belloba. I think that crying out of sadness or joy is a wonderful and beautiful experience, not something that should be apologized for or excused. Our bodies are falling apart a little more each day and eventually we won't be able to stop it. The same can be said of our cars and our clothes and our homes. That said, I don't want to be 75 years old and have to live with the knowledge that I "wasted my time" by pursuing wealth and prestige when I could have been creating beautiful memories and experiencing intense emotions that will last a lifetime. I don't want to have things that went unsaid or deeds that went undone.
It's incredibly difficult to do anything other than the norm in a society like ours. Everything is geared towards conformity and straight lines. We have somehow been socialized into mediating our own behaviors, keeping eachother in check through peer pressure and the need for acceptance. What if someday everyone suddenly wakes up and realizes that we are fools and have been doing everything wrong all along? Won't it seem like the most bitter irony to think that the impulses we felt to pursue our own lives as wide-eyed children were ultimately correct, but through our mature adult behavior we quelched all that desire? This never leaves my mind. I worry that I may be making a horrendous mistake by disavowing the importance of societal norms and capitalism in my life. I worry that I will lose all my friends and family because they simply won't understand or accept my feelings. But I have to shake my head and remember how I feel, and I think (and hope) that I am on the right path. I know that I am...
"... the light from the sea, the life is the blood (the most life threatening way...")
"The rain fell westward into my eyes..."
(note how they avoid the rain at all cost...)
