Peace March Riots

A rally for peace in Iraq quickly turned to violence in the streets of Washington D.C. late Tuesday night. Over a million people from across the nation gathered in the capital to send a message that "they did not support murder."

Unfortunately for many, an argument sprung up in the mob. Some people said that it was Bush's fault entirely, and another massive faction would not relent on a "if only a woman were president" stance. This argument soon turned to fisticuffs between a Buddhist monk and a large group of women wearing bandanas and chains.

Since most of the million people never even heard the original argument they just dove blindly into wanton violence. "It's a relief to punch someone in the face," a man in a suit coat named Howard Dean commented after decking a scrawny man who appeared to be Joe Leiberman.

Other hemp clad men and women set fire to stores and looted with a reckless abandon. "I used to hate material goods, but now that I'm getting them for free I love them more than life itself," one excited looter said as he came out of a Best Buy, arms laden with electronics.

Many people were heard shouting racial and ethnic slurs, which only perpetuated the chaotic riot.

"As far as we can tell, these people had lived their life devoid of conflict for so long that a void was created, and this is just the pressure equalizing itself," Professor Langwood of Georgetown University conjectured. "In fact, if the rioting hasn't reached campus I'm going to go start it."

Only the Church of Scientology remained unscathed in downtown Washington D.C. The last we looked, it seemed like angry men in drag and a cadre of Asian mystics were swarming the White House.

Those among the crowd who did not agree with the violence have been seen resisting by assuming the Full Lotus Yoga position with disapproving looks on their faces. Some people have seen others angrily eating tofu and softly saying disparaging comments and begging for love.

An invigorated Howard Dean was quick to show him some of the love he had earlier demonstrated on Joe Leiberman.