I'll tell you right now, if I were totalitarian dictator of the world a lot of shit would be about to change. Some people might not like the changes I'd make... but dammit, the world would be such a better place. A lot of people would cry, but there would be one hell of a celebration in the streets.

Speaking of streets, this is item number one on my agenda... the roads. Holy shit someone was on crack when America's roads were laid out. I don’t give a damn how much it costs, or whose house I'm gonna destroy but we are going to a grid system. Also, roads will have one name, whenever the road turns, the name shall change. This may seem simple, but its so fucked up right now that I was able to take four 90 degree left turns and never leave a road called Highway 164 East... shit.

You are going to have to go. Yes, you. Bye bye.

North Korea... gone. They offer nothing to this world except a bit of question as to whether they will trigger a nuclear winter. I don’t know about you but this doesn’t make me too happy. That is why when I am totalitarian dictator of the world, I will strap a shit load of rockets to the entire fucking country and shoot it off to the sun. If anyone is too stupid to get their ass off of the country then we will be better off without their screwing with the gene pool.

You know what else sucks? Religious zealots. They are all going bye. In fact, they are going bye in a rather violent way. Actually, its been a few hundred years since we've had good old-fashioned witch hunt. So it's time to whup you up Salem style, Hezbolah. Anyone else who doesn’t meet my strict standards of non-extreme worship will be put to the question. That and there will be some sort of a reward for turning in your neighbors... like a Snickers bar. That would be sweet, I'd sell my mother for a Snickers... mmm.

California kind of blows, so I'm gonna trigger a beast of an earthquake. That San Andreas Fault can be a bitch, and if we get her riled up enuf, hopefully the state will sink into the sea, or float away into the ocean... where it will sink. If this doesn’t work, I will get Bugs Bunny and a hack saw, and let him cut it free of America, like he did to Florida that one time. What? That was a fucking cartoon? Shit... oh well, however it has to happen, California will meet a grisly fucking fate... heh heh heh.

I'm gonna fire a bunch of people. Mainly government workers. So you take the plans from the engineers and carry them down to the offices? Hmmm, you're fired. What do you do? Well, you're fired. I don’t like you... thus, you are fired. Why? Because, I hate worthless workers. Either you prove your job's worth, or you lose it. That way we save lots of money, and save lots of red tape... I hate red tape.

France fucking sucks it straight up its loose little asshole. Too much gooch-paste.

The fashion industry is getting a shakedown of epic proportions. Okay, so it wont be that epic. Mainly I plan to hunt down the innovator of the button fly and drop a flying elbow on him. I mean what was that fucker thinking? All it does is piss of decent men like me who go into a store and say "30x31... buy." Every time I struggle w/ five buttons instead of one, I just picture the day that I'm totalitarian dictator of the world... and smile.

I'm not a big fan of all that shit they wrap CDs in. It pisses me off... hardcore. If only we protected our national secrets that well, then the damn Russians wouldn’t have any fucking nukes. I mean come on, is it really gonna stop anyone with a knife from lacing straight through to the disc itself? Hell-the-fuck-no. Keep it simple.

Oprah, Rosie, Dr. Phil you will go straight to jail, you will not pass Go, and you sure as fuck won't lay eyes on an attorney.

There will be holidays when liquor will flow through the streets to young and old. All shale taste the nectar of the chosen folk, beer. On these occasions many an animal shall be lead to the slaughter. Very nice robots shall prepare this feast of meat and beer so no man need raise a finger on these grand days.

Yes, much would change if I became the totalitarian dictator of the world. Some should be afraid, but if you agree with these changes, then rejoice my friend, for you will do nothing but benefit from my takeover.