I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from
having
been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway,
one day
he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full
of
ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized
that HIS
KIDNEYS
HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" But he
was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and
there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he
opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because
he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us
from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around.
His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers
get
together and distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe under the
leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true-I read it all last week in a mass
from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld
vacation
and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor
man
then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to
report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got
jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that
said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from
the hospital-the one, actually, where that little boy who is dying of cancer
is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an
e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for
every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a
bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it
to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people you will only have
OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have BAD LUCK
FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the
hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without his
lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly
shot as part of a gang initiation.
The End.