Philosopher's song

 
                Immanual Kant was a real pissant
                  Who was very rarely stable
 
                Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
                  Who could think you under the table
 
                David Hume could out consume
                  Schopenhauer and Hegel
 
                And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
                  Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
 
                 There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
                   'Bout the raising of the wrist
                 Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed
 
                John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
                  On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
 
                Plato they say, could stick it away
                  Half a crate of whiskey every day
 
                Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
                  Hobbes was fond of his dram
 
                And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
                  "I drink, therefore I am"
 
                 Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
                   A lovely little thinker
                 But a bugger when he's pissed