AP Online
AP 10/01 2:55 EDT V055
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Seseme Street,
has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead,
including Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time friend,
room-mate, and occasional lover of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly
holding Maria hostage in a five floor tenement near Hooper's Store.
New York City Police SWAT teams have surrounded the building.
AP Online
AP 10/01 4:26 EDT V743
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Sesame Street muppet, is reported dead at
this hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City
Police. Kermit-The-Frog, Sesame Street Muppet on the scene, reports
that as police stormed the five story tenement building where the bird
was holding Maria hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at
them in a Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the bird
in a hail of automatic weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie Dawn, Oscar the
Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird. There is no information available concerning
Maria.
AP Online
AP 10/01 8:47 EDT V246
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet chemists,
have reportedly found angel dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird was killed
by Police early this morning after the bird went on a killing spree on
Sesame Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal, has survived
unharmed. Three muppets were killed by the bird: Prairie Dawn (a friendly,
pig-tailed muppet girl-child), Oscar the Grouch (a green garbage-can
dwelling grumpy muppet) and Bert (the famous gay paper clip collector
and pigeon friend). Authorities in the area report that the bad seed
was purchased at the local Hooper's.
AP Online
AP 10/01 11:15 EDT V543
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police are asking all motorists and humans to stay away
from Sesame Street today as tensions are running high among the muppets.
Many reportedly are outraged at the tainted food supply and at how the
police handled the hostage situation. According to bystanders on the
scene at the time, Mr. Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be allowed
to talk Big Bird down. Instead, police stormed the building with deadly
results. Ernie is said to be despondent at the loss of his good buddy
Bert.
AP Online
AP 10/01 17:25 EDT V927
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Seseme Street at five o'clock
this afternoon. As thousands of humans driving home took a sightseeing
tour of the scene of Big Bird's deadly rampage, muppets became enraged.
Hundreds of muppets, large and small, stalked the streets and surrounded
humans in their cars. In at least one case, ten muppets pulled a motorist
from his car and beat him with large, styrofoam numbers. Police again
arrived on the scene in force. At this hour, quiet is restored -- but
tensions are very high.
AP Online
AP 10/02 0:47 EDT V211
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police and fire units have been called to Sesame Street.
Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry muppets
ranging in size from only inches to seven feet in height are looting
Hooper's Store and firebombing the entire neighborhood. Orange and blue
firelight is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops, props, and
storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to the ground.
Muppets are taunting firemen and police from windows high above the
street with counting and alphabet songs.
AP Online
AP 10/02 9:24 EDT V482
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Morning light has brought an eerie calm to Sesame Street
after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most buildings. On the street,
lifeless, crumpled fur lies in mute testament of the night of wild outrage.
Unknown numbers of muppets have died or been shot to death by police in
full riot gear. Here and there, a muppet -- still animated with life --
can be seen staring at the wreckage, or sweeping vacantly at the rubble.
The Count was reported running down the street crying and yelling, "Ten,
Ten Lifeless Muppet Bodies!" No humans were killed in the rioting,
although several people reported rug-burns.
AP Online
AP 10/03 15:35 EDT V335
Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet
Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a mass
muppet funeral. The following is the complete transcript of his address:
"I come here today to honor a man I loved. A man who was loved by
millions throughout the world. Bert was a giant among muppets. His
paper-clip collection was viewed with awe by many of the world's leaders.
Just one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on Sesame Street for
the muppet vote, it was Bert who everyone turned to for advice. It was
Bert who told us all, 'Anyone who can hang as many paperclips together
as Bill Clinton, can certainly run the country.' I also come here today
to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature. His large size and
bright color alarmed many who first met him, but it was his innocent and
curious nature which taught us all to love him. Bird wouldn't have
wanted us to remember him, or to memorialize him, with violence. All he
ever wanted was for all creatures to 'just get along' with each other.
Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but it wasn't his fault. It was
just some bad seed."
