Tips for Making Friends on Elevators

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,"Shut

up, all of you, just shut up."

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peaking inside ask,

"Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours

upside down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,without

getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,

then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask

them to call you "Admiral".

8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce,

"I've got new socks on!"

9. Meow occasionally.

10. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

11. Walk on with a cooler that says "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

12. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one

of Them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

13. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other

passengers.

14.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your

beeper?"

15. Say "DING!" at each floor.

16. Say "I wonder what all these do" , push all of the buttons,

including the red buttons.

17. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

18. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the

other passengers that this is your "personal space".

19. Announce in the most scary voice possible, "I must find a more

suitable host-body.", then exit the elevator.

20. Just repeatedly sing the song "fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly,

fish heads..."