You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -
     it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
     weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
                        -- Frank Zappa

     Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
     to keep your mouth shut.
                        -- Ernest Hemingway

     Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
     has taken out of me.
                        -- Sir Winston Churchill

     He was a wise man who invented beer.
                        -- Plato

     Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
                        -- Catherine Zandonella

     A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
     thank her.
                        -- W.C. Fields

     Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
                        -- Lady Astor to Sir Winston Churchill
     Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
                        -- His reply

     If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us
     stomachs.
                        -- David Daye

     Work is the curse of the drinking class.
                        -- Oscar Wilde

     When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
                        --Henny Youngman

     Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
                        -- Benjamin Franklin

     If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it
     makes beer shoot out your nose.
                        -- Deep Thought, Jack Handey

     Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind
     is  beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, 
     but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
                        -- Dave Barry

     The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
                        -- Humphrey Bogart

     Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
                        -- David Moulton

     People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they
     just like to pee a lot.
                        -- Capital Brewery,
                           Middleton, WI

     Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

                        -- Kaiser Wilhelm

     I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
                        -- Homer Simpson

     Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
     oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
     ingredient in beer.
                        -- Dave Barry

     I drink to make other people interesting.
                        -- George Jean Nathan

     They who drink beer will think beer.
                        -- Washington Irving

     An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time
     with his fools.
                        -- "For Whom the Bell Tolls",
                            Ernest Hemingway

     You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
                        -- Dean Martin

     All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
     just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
                        -- Homer Simpson