1.   Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2.   Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3.   You know stuff about tanks.
4.   A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
5.   Monday Nite Football.
6.   You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7.   Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter
8.   You can open all your own jars.
9.   Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10.  Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11.  When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every
    shot of someone crying.
12.  Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13.  All your orgasms are real.
14.  A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15.  Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16.  You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17.  You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
18.  You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19.  Your last name stays put.
20.  You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21.  When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone
    secretly hates you.
22.  You can kill your own food.
23.  The garage is all yours.
24.  You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25.  Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
26.  You never have to clean a toilet.
27.  You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
28.  Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
29.  Wedding plans:  you have no part in them.
30.  If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
    your friend.
31.  Your underwear is $10.00 for a three pack.
32.  The National College Cheerleading Championship.
33.  None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
34.  You don't have to shave below your neck.
35.  You don't have to curl up to a hairy butt every nite.
36.  If you're 34 and single - nobody notices.
37.  You can write your name in the snow.
38.  You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
39.  Everything on your face stays its original color.
40.  Chocolate is just another snack.
41.  You can be President.
42.  You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
43.  Flowers fix everything.
44.  You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
45.  You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
46.  Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
47.  You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
48.  Foreplay is optional.
49.  Nobody stops telling a joke when you walk into the room.
50.  You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
51.  You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader guy is
    coming by.
52.  You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
53.  Car mechanics wil tell you the truth.
54.  You don't give a rats ass if someone notices your new haircut.
55.  You can watch a game in silence for hours without even thinking "he
    must be mad at me."
56.  Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
57.  One mood, all month long.
58.  You know at least twenty ways to open a beer bottle.
59.  Same work, more pay.
60.  Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
61.  You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
    adjustment.
62.  Wedding Dress $2,000;  Tux rental $100.
63.  You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
64.  If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
65.  The remote is yours and yours alone.
66.  People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
67.  ESPN's sports center.
68.  You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
69.  Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
70.  You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
71.  If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your
    friends you've changed.
72.  The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
73.  You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the
    mood.
74.  If something mechanical doesn't work you can bash it with a hammer and
    throw it across the room.
75.  New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
76.  You don't have to rememebr everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
77.  Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
78.  Baywatch.
79.  There is always a game on somewhere.
80.  You can pretend you don't know how to cook.