Susan's Homily We have all come together today to honor and remember my mother. She chose to go quietly, without a fuss and to those who knew my mother, that is just what you would expect. She was a private person with a quiet manner. But during our last few weeks with her she made a strong and powerful statement about the preciousnes of life .. each and every day that she was able to remain with us. Although it's been a sorrowful time leading to today, it hasn't been all sadness. This past year, I got the chance to see another side of my mother, to see her as a person, not just a mom. I was continually amazed by her strength, courage, and most of all, her sense of humor. Our family has always managed to get together despite the distances that separate us. This past year those get togethers became even more special as we were made aware of our limited time with our mother. Although it's difficult to be so aware of someone's passing away, my mother made sure things carried on with the same humor as was typical of our family. She has never been one to complain or call attention to herself. An apt description I recently read, "She'll bloom where she's planted" is the perfect image of my mother. She always struggled to make things perfect for those around her and to make the most of every moment. During her illness, simple things becadme special. We all cherished her "good" days and had many happy moments. But my most treasured memory of these past months will be the image of my mother so surrounded by the love of family and friends. Although she received wonderful support through all her caring nurses and aides, it was in my father that she knew she had the best nurse in town. For despite her cancer, my mother "glowed" in my father's care. Her continual smile and upbeat attitude were evidence of that. As my youngest son said of my mom during her last month ... she looks like sleeping beauty ... I can't express it any better. Although we will miss my mother terribly, she lives on in all of us. Her strength, courage and love fills us all, and helps us move forward. **************************************************************************Uncle John's Homily MOM Thank you for having come to honor Betty, for a life that gave so many people happiness. What she was and did is known best by me and our children, but I believe also known to many of you who are not family. I say honor Betty, or "mom" as she was always called by not only our children but by me. I say honor her because she was a great person; a humble person and because of her humility a greater person. And today is really a day of celebration for a wonderful life that had to end at some point in time. She was 73, old enough to have seen me through several health crises, and with it all raise six children of whom we were both so very proud. They are grown up now, the youngest Chris is 31, and all happily married. Chris at 31 is the same age I was, as the youngest of ten children when my own mother died. I won't give the ages of the other five, not because it might embarrass them, but because I'd probably get them wrong: but in increasing age they are Kevin, Sue, Tim, Mick, and Cath. It upsets me when people say and act as if a life is not complete unless the woman has a career outside the home. What more important job is there to raise a family with loving care, and pass on to the children what that parent has learned is important in life. What better contribution to others: I stress others because Betty herself was so unselfish. What better contributions to others than to raise six children, that at this point in time have produced 12 grandchildren. People argue about the contribution of genes versus environment. All I know is that Betty has passed both on in abundance. She was only one person but each of the six children is 1/2 mom so there is the equivalent of three more Bettys. This is often forgotten. And there are to date 12 grandchildren, each of whom is one-quarter mom. That's three more Bettys. So her qualities and actual presence are still here, in multiple others. And each of these 18 persons is already affecting the lives of many others. I challenge any company CEO to make that claim. Betty was 73 when she died. If she had lived one or even five years longer the loss and sadness we feel today would still be the same. It is a fact of life that most children outlive their parents and have to bear the burden of being a survivor. But how much sadder it is if a parent loses a child, especially at an early age. Our family has been spared that and for that we are grateful. But eventually death comes to all of us. Betty was so patient with her illness. As always, she could find some humor is most things. I saw her cry just twice these last months, for about five seconds. You could get a smile out of her easily, up to the last several days before she died. In fact she was so upbeat that the kids had trouble judging her condition because she always hid the pain. They had to learn from me what her real condition was. I'd like to close on a lighter note. Many of you may not know that Betty was a very good athlete. Golf was her first love and she played it almost every day, even through winter. At first any winter day was playable if the temperature was not below 45. Later it was any day that snow was not on the course. Then the rule became any day when you didn't expect to lose more than two balls in the snow. It took a while but toward the end she was beating me so often I decided I'd enjoy the game more as her caddy and that is what I became and was for the last several years. She was a good bowler and I remember once when a neighborhood group asked her to fill in one day. She hadn't bowled for over twenty years but that day she rolled a 200 game. I don't recall that they ever asked her again. She was a superb bridge player and usually brought home the prize, as many of you here today can confirm. But ping pong was the game where she excelled the most. She became so good at ping-pong that toward the later years she could run me ragged. She was very competitive and would always caution me: "Don't play to let me win." And I never did. She used to drive Kevin wild when he was about twelve by beating him at ping-pong. Remember Kev, how mad you'd get and you'd throw the paddle after some of those games. But mom would caution you: stop losing your temper or I won't play you anymore. But the games went on. But it wasan't easy for a 12 year old boy to get beat at ping pong by his mother. But she wasn't a soccer mom: instead she was a 24 hour a day mom. I couldn't get her to take a vacation without the kids until Chris was about twelve, when he could stay overnight at his married sister Cathy, when we took our trip to Spain. Finallly I want to read something that I wrote 25 years ago when Chris was 6 and Kevin 11 and the other kids ranged in age from 18-24. I thought then that I might soon die from a serious heart valve problem. I wrote this letter and put it in the safe deposit box for someone to find after I had died. But of course God's ways are unpredictable. Just recently I retrieved the letter. But what I wrote then applies very much to mom dying first, with me surviving to care for her in these last days.Letter to Chris and Kev Dear Chris and Kev, I just got word today that I had a "heart murmur" and it reminded me of what I have thought about often: that both of you are still quite young and haven't had to bear much of the pain that life eventually brings, at times, to all of us. Life is usually a happy state and should be enjoyed; but one must be careful that we not let the loss of something we prize, upset us too much. It is harder to understand this when you are little, so I'm going to give you some advice. Even if it does not help immediately, you may be able to use it later on. First, be thankful for all the blessings you have received. As an example, my life with you is something that did not have to be. My own father died when I was two years old. Perhaps it was easier for me not to remember him. But I think it would have been better if I had been able to have him around a while longer. What is long enough? There is no answer. We gain most from our parents the first years and less as each year goes by. Kevin, I believe you get less from me now than you used to. You are becoming more yourself; you, Chris, get less from me now than you did when you were younger. You, too, are becoming more and more a distinct person, who requires less from me. You of course act like you need things from me; to put you to bed, to watch you build, to take bike rides with you. But of course you don't really need me for those things. It is just nice to have me around, in the same way it has been nice to have you around. But you will grow as a person and be a better person, as you gradually need other people less, and exercise all those good qualities which hopefully you and I together have worked on to make you a very special person. I have directed most of this first letter to Chris because I believe he has a greater need. But I mean it also for you Kevin. You are a very special person. The same holds for you, Sue, you Tim, you Mich, you Cath, and your mom. Notice I went up the age ladder: your needs to handle crises should get less, and your strength to handle them get stronger as you get older. My main advice is be good to each other! Love one another! Help one another! Try not only to make your own lives better but also try to improve and make happier the lives of others, especially your own family. As I have said before to you: the thing that will bring you the greatest happiness is to make others happy. It may sound like a contradiction but it is not. It will all come back to you. Christ said it would come back a hundred fold! Who am I to argue that number. Love: Dad This letter was weritten in 1972 when I first learned that I had a serious heart murmur. I wrote this letter in long hand and put it in my safety deposit box to read in case I died. Love to you all Dad