| Goddess Trixie |
| I was so alone and confused, I did what the doctor told me,. I got a whole bottle of aspirin and a bottle of coke, and drank them all. I waited till the next day but nothing happened, in fact I was fine the next day. So in desperation, I kneel down beside my makeshift bed and prayed with all my heart to ask the Lord for forgiveness and I said if He will only make this baby, healthy and stay I would love him and look after him. I was no longer scared of what people might say about me. I accepted what the Lord had given to me and I was going to be there for my baby. The next day I left, took a bus and went back to the family that had taken me in before after the hospital. I told the mother that I was pregnant and I needed a job and a place to stay until my baby was born. They let me in. They were nice to me all the time. I am no longer doing house work but rather looking after and in charge again of their youngest daughter. I stayed with them until and after the baby was born. My baby became their play thing, for the whole family. They loved him so much. They were so nice to him. I was happy then at least I have a baby to love and he in return would love me. I looked after him pretty good. But when my baby was just about a year old, the mother asked me if I wanted to put my baby up for adoption, I ask why should I do that? She said, �Consider your situation. You're a mother who�s not married and your baby is born a bastard. I was shocked to hear it from her. But during my stay with them this second time, the husband suffered a major heart stroke and he had also been put under my care. He and I became friends. I know he loves my son but he is not about to take him away from me but his wife wanted my son to have a good home. And he told me, that they have a relative living in the States that doesn�t have a child so they wanted to adopt my son. They also believed that being a first born and a bastard serves as a good luck charm to those that can't have a baby of their own. They wanted my son !!!. I was hurt and I wasn�t going to give up my son. Now that I am no longer alone why should I give him away. My baby gave me a reason to live. So the night before they announced what their intention was, I had this strange feeling that my baby was the reason why I survived my suicide attempt. This was the reason, �to have a son and have me to look after him.� Someone that would need me. and someone that I needed as well. Nine months after my baby was born we had to leave, I just wasn� t going to let them adopt my baby and take him from me. I was no longer alone, now I had someone. I had and have a reason to live. God bless you all. I hope this experienced of mine, would reach and help those of you that have been there alone and have suffered the same. We can make it with the Lord�s help. May the Lord guide you ALL. There must be so many reasons why we are still here. Take a look into your heart. Don't give up. Love In Jesus Trixie |
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| Attempted Suicide |
| PART TWO |