Hey Dere! C'meer once - you gots to read dis a couple-two-tree words on how ta talk like yer from Scansin, hey. Hit's a humdinger! Sit down witch'er brat an' brewski in yer blaze-orange and, cripes sake, in the spirit of Bart and Vince, take a gander, yahhey?

I gotsta say, doh, dat I got dis Dickshunary from a fren� of mine so I don�t know where it came from. Da stories and da editing are mine, doh.

1. AIN-A-HEY: placed at the end of a profound statement; as in "isn't it?" "Cold out, aina hey?"

2. BART: a Green Bay institution who doesn't need a last name; (see"Vince"). "Me and Dad saw Bart sneak into da endzone 'gainst Dallas! DAT was cold, aina hey?"

3. BELIEVE-YOU-ME: attached to the beginning or end of a statement,makes it more credible; as in,"Really!" "Belive you me, dat was REALLY cold!"

4. BLAZE-ORANGE: what deer hunters and cold-weather Packers fans wear at Lambeau Field. Also a popular color for jail uniforms.

5. BORN IN A BARN?: a sarcastic question which usually means you left the door open or could not correctly differentiate between an alewive and a 'schmelt'. Youse guys was dipnettin' for da schmelt in Lake 'Sconsin?!? What, ya born in a barn?"

6. BORROW: used in place of lend, as in, "Could youse borrow me a couple two-tree bucks, yahhey?"

7. BRAT: a sausage; a Wisconsin tail gate favorite; doesn't have anything to do with a spoiled kid.

8. BUBBLER: to the rest of the world outside Wisconsin's borders,it is known as a drinking fountain. "I gotta get me a drink, once. Where's da bubbler?"

9. BUDGE: to merge without permission; cut in; as in "Don't you budge in line for a brat, I was here first!"

10. BY to; near; as in "Let's go by One Eyed Jack's" or,"She'll come by da house tonight."

11. CHEDDERHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheesehead."

12. CHEESEHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheddarhead." ALSO a cool wedge hat, known fer savin' da lives of udderwize planecrash victims!

13. CHEESE CURD: small pieces of fresh cheese that squeak when you bite into them if der fresh.

14. COMEER ONCE: a request for the presence of anotherCheddarhead. "Comeer once and help me lift dis half-barrel."

15. COUPLE-TWO-TREE more than one; as in "Delmer and I drank a couple-two-tree beers."

16. CRIPES: a Wisconsin expletive. "Oh, cripes, what kinda play was dat?"

17. CRIPES-SAKE: a mild Wisconsin expletive. "For cripes-sake, dat walleye just trowed my hook".

18. CRIPES-SAKES-ALMIGHTY: a wild Wisconsin expletive. "Cripes-sakes-almighty, what da heck kinda pitch was dat what he smacked over da wall once. What a rubber-arm, hey?"

19. DA: substitute for words beginning with "THE" as in, "Da guy over dere in da Bears shirt dere."

20. DAVENPORT: What your mom called 'the sofa'; a couch. "Go sit on da Davenport once and I'll be witcha in a couple-two-tree minutes."

21. FAIR-TA-MIDDLIN: Not bad or great, just "O.K." "How'sit bitin?""Oh, fair-ta-middlin"

22. FISH FRY: a Friday night dining ritual in Wisconsin.

23. FLEET FARM: A Cheddarhead's answer to Bloomingdales.

24. FROZEN TUNDRA: Lambeau Field.

25. GEEEZ!: Another Wisconsin expletive. "Geeez, der goes da game. Throw a strike once a couple times, will ya hey?"

26. GOAHEAD (Alt: "Go'head"): Proceed; as in, "go'head and back up your car dere."

27. GOTS: used in place of "have;" as in,"I gots my tickets to watch da Packers play on da FrozenTundra."

28. GOL-DURN: Another Wisconsin expletive. "I smacked my gol-durn thumb wit da hammer der".

29. HEY: placed at the beginning or end of phrases for emphasis, as in, "Hey, how 'bout dem Packers?" or "Hows about dem Packers,Hey!"

30. HOWS-BY-YOU?: a greeting; the same as,"How's everything?" "Hey, ain't seen you for a while? How's the wife 'n kids?" "Good! How's-by-you?"

31. HUMDINGER: a beauty; as in "dat croppy youse caught up-nort is a real humdinger."

32. JOHN DEERE: a Cheddarhead's other vehicle.

33. LEAKER: (n) One who lacks the mental or physical stamina to continue partying. "John went home at midnight, da leaker!"

33a. LEAKER (2) One who lacks the bladder control to continue partying.

34. M'WAKEE: Wisconsin's largest city; located just down the lake (Lake Mitchigan) from T'rivers and Man'twoc. Also known as "Cream City"

35. N-SO?: a word inserted at the end of a statement; (sometimes pronounced as AIN-SO), used as a substitute for "isn't that right?" or "Correct?" "Kopps make good custard, ain-so" (also can use "aina" or "aina hey" instead. Linguistically probably originates from the German "nicht wahr?", "nicht?" or "gel?", which Germanic-speaking people use to substantiate a statement they feel is correct.

36. OH,YAH: Depending on emphasis, it's either used as acknowledgment (as "That's correct")"Koops makes good custard, hey?" "Oh, yah" or "Yah, hey!" or skepticism (That's bull!). "I once caught a fish dis big outta da Milwaukee River "Oh, Yah, you an' my mutter!"

37. PERT-NEER: (sometimes pronounced "PRET-NEAR": in close Proximity; just about. "Well, I pert-neer caught it".

38. POLKA: the national dance of Wisconsin. The best ones are Polka masses and Slurry Store Polkas (don't ask).

39. RUBBERS: protection for your shoes; also known as "G'loshes." "It's snowing pert near a blizzard; put on your rubbers and shovel da walk". S'cansin is the home of safe shoveling!

40. 'SCANSIN: the state where Cheeseheads are from.

41. SCHMEAR a card game;also a term used when someone gets beat in a game of Sheepshead.

42. SHEEPSHEAD: another card game. Also known as "Schaffskopf"

43. SIDE-BY-EACH: used instead of "next to each other." "We was sittin side by each in da bleachers."

44. SKEETER: Wisconsin's state bird. Usually preceeded by "Ouch!" as in "Ouch!" "Skeeter?" "Yah, hey!"

45. START WIT ME LAST: to forfeit your turn. "I dunno how to play schmear so good, so start wit me last".

46. STOP-AND-GO LIGHTS: what everyone else refers to as traffic Signals or stop lights. "Mayville only has one stop-an-go light." (Notice, in defense of 'skanin, dat des lights aren't just stop lights. Dey tell ya when to go, too, aina?)

47. UFF-DAH: (from the untranslatable Norwegian phrase) meaning varies with severity of incident-from "Oops" to "Criminey" to words following "Oh-!" often said when you make a really big "boo-boo" and are in 'deep doggy-doo'.

48. UN-THAW: to defrost or thaw. "I'm gonna go fishin' once da lake un-thaws" or "un-thaw dem brats and we'll barbie 'em up, hey?"

49. WHERE-ABOUTS: locality; proximity; as in, "where-abouts are youse-guys from?"

50. UP NORT: where Wisconsinites go on vacation.

51. UP-SIDE-RIGHT: rightside up.

52. VINCE: the other Green Bay icon who doesn'tneed a last name for instant recognition; (see "Bart"). Recently "Brett" and "Reggie" were also added to this category, "Mark" is is currently there, but will be leaving for six to ten years....refer also to wearing 'blaze orange' in Mark's case.

53. WIH-SKON'-TSUN: the way you can tell the speaker is not a real Wisconsinite.

54. YAH-HEY: affirmative, but can be added reinforce a request. "Da Brewers stink, hey?" "Yah, hey!"

55. YAH-SURE-YOU-BETCHA: yes, you are correct. "Dat girl der's a looker, hey?" "Yah, shure ya betcha!"

56. YOU-BETCHA: affirmative, as in "Yah-hey." "Taker easy, bud" "you betcha!"

57. YOUSE: (var."Yoose") pronoun, second person plural. "Where are youse guys from?"

58. YOOPER: someone from even further up-nort' than you.

LOCATIONS:

A) Skansin: Already covered

B) M'waukee: Already covered

C) Teensville: Somewhere nort of Mwaukee, der.

D) West Bent: Even fudder north

E) Winniecawknee: Where my folks and Aunt'n'Huncle live

F) SheBoyGan: Home of da best brats in 'skansin

G) Chicaga: da Cubs. da Bears. Lots of wind. People who like to pay S'kansin state troopers money so dey can drive faster. Sox fans used to come up to County Stadium to watch da Brewers play. I saw a Sox fan tro a glassa beer onto a Brewers' fan once. Da Brewers fan took de ol' gallon tub-o-beer dey used to sell. The Sox fan lost, donchaknow!

H) MinnieSoooDah: Sister state to our west, donchaknow, 'sept when da Vikings are in town.

I) Texas: What you have to pay for da privledge of livin' in 'Scansin.

J) Mitchigun. Udder sister state, to our east and nort. Yooper's are from up der, and it should be part of 'scansin, hey?

K) Kinikkanic, Okonomowoc, Butte des Mortes, etc. If you can't say them, you're not from here, aina? (Not that I could ever spell them!)

L) Mad Town (or Mad City): Where da Badgers live.

M) Camp Randall: Where da Badgers camp.

M) FonJaLac (aka FondyLac) Up on da bottom of Lake Winnebago (NOT da RV! What, chaborninabarn?), where my two oldest kids was born and where my Huncle works at Merc. Tanks to da Sisters at St. Agnes for bringin' dem into da world.

*"My clock is outta da way but I'll set it when we get der". (Told to me by an old landscape guy as he looked at his watch and compared it to da M&I bank clock).

*"Bleacher Babe Quiz"

Scene: Left Field, County Stadium -- out by Ukers Pukers

Da Players: Mary Gorman (not related to Gorman Thomas), Dave, and an unknown drunk (it was da bottom of da 2nd, donchaknow?)

Drunk: Hey, dats a fine looker ya got der, aina? (Points at Mary, who was nice, ya know?)

Dave: Yah, hey!

Drunk: Ya goof around wit her much?

Dave: Oh, no!

Drunk: Ya live wit her, der?

Dave: No, no

Drunk: Ya sleep wit her, den, aina?

Dave: Noppers

Drunk: Well, den, what do ya do wit her, der?

Dave: Um, well... I go to church wit her!

Drunk: OH, GEEZE! I gotta stop drinkin' so much!

*"We had our haus gepainted" (The classic "Milwaukee Deutsch", mixing English with the German prefix "ge-", indicating past tense.)

*"Cans you schwimming?" Do you swim? (Comes from da German "Kannst du Schwimmen?")

*"Hit da ball once a couple times, will ya hey?" (Yelled after Gorman Thomas of da Brewers struck out -- again -- with da bases loaded.

*"How come you don't hello me when you know me so good?" Heard by my mother on a "Souse M'waukee bus" once when a lady kept staring at another lady who sat down near her but didn't say anything to her.

*"You got more 'scuses den Steinemeyers got herrings". Go check your 'scansin history to understand this one!

* A Shorewood cheer everytime they played South Milwaukee (Don't ask me why):

"Souse M'waukee is da town

Where streetcars turn da corner roun'

And churchbells ring twiceBang!"

Another story:

(While not TECHNICALLY a 'scansin language story, it COULDA happened wit a girl from der; actually, she was from Brooklyn der, donchaknow.)

The Scene: A western college basketball arena, seating capacity 24,000 (at the time, the largest in the country). EVERY seat is FULL of fans attending an intense conference championship game.

Time: 20 seconds left in the first half. The score is tied.

The players: Two basketball teams, a couple-two-tree refs, 24,000 screaming fans, myself, and my date, a Jewish girl from Brooklyn or Queens or somewhere with the CLASSIC New York Jewish accent attending her first basketball game!

The Location: WAAAAAYYYY up in da nosebleed section, second row from the top, in da corner, in steel bleachers. If Bob Uecker could get in, he would be sitting HERE.

Accoustics: A yell from here carries across the roof AND around da walls AND down da steel bleachers AND down da cement stairs and floor, and is magnified by the cone-like corner. In other words, EVERYONE can hear what you say.

The home team passes it in to their star point guard, who begins moving back and forth, zig-zagging his way across center court. 12 seconds left. The crowd is standing, yelling their lungs out. He pauses at the top of the key. 8 seconds. He starts his drive into the lane, putting the ball on the floor with lightening-like stacatto dribbles. 6 seconds. He slams into another player. WHISTLE! The ref runs to the scorers table, starting to signal ... offensive foul? Defensive foul? The crowd noise dies. Deathly quiet, waiting for the call. SUDDENLY, an vocal explosion from right next to me careens through the entire arena, stopping the ref and the team dead in their tracks, and turning 24,000 pairs of eyes onto ME and MY DATE!

"SCAW A TOUCHDOWN BEFO DA INNING'Z OVA!!"