| MY OBSESSION WITH DAVID: A CASE STUDY |
| Janet (Not her real name) has been a David Dickinson fan for three years. It all started when she was home one day and decided to switch on the TV. "The next thing I knew I heard this quirky theme tune. 'Whats this?' I asked myself. And David appears on the screen all grinning and full of gusto. I was hooked immediately. At first I was cynical - it was a programme about antiques! But the way David was talking to the camera, it was like he was speaking personally to me. Then you notice the pin-stripped suits, the lion-esque mane of hair, and of course his wonderful way with the ladies...It was love." And it appears Janet, is not alone in this phenomenon which has now been called by doctors: The DD Factor. As David Dickinson fever sweeps the country, studies have been made into the sucess behind the man they call The Duke. "I started deliberately missing work." Explains Janet in her Swindon home. "I work for the local History teacher factory, and I would miss weeks of work altogether - simply so that I could watch David. Although eventually I realised I had to go into work, so I would record the episodes on my VCR...and have another 7 recording incase the others failed. I have every episode on tape now - currently putting them onto the DVD format. Or - hehehe, Digital Versatile Disc as David would say. At first it was the programme...but then I realised I didn't give two hoots for the antiques - it was David - and David only - that I was interested in." However, this realisation did not stop Janet from becoming an antiques expert just to be like David. "I studied every antiques book I could find. I now know everything, although not as much as Mr Dickinson, obviously. And then the imitation began." Janet pauses at this moment, as if recalling the truth is too much for her. We sympathise and tell her to think of David. "I would start dressing up as him. I know have several taylor-made pinstrip suits...wigs of hair like his...spectacles...cufflinks....designer shoes...I just love it." Janet even hired top impressionist Frubu82 (not his real name for legal reasons) to teach her to perfect the impression of David. Frubu82 spoke to us via the internet, due to his exile in Aberystwyth. "Yes, Janet got in touch and I had to help her speak like David. But she paid very well - enough for me to sustain my DVD empire." But what is it about David Dickinson that makes students across the land throw down their busy lifestyles to dedicate full attention to a half hour programme on antique hunting? An exclusive interview with Dr Kate Dominatrix, of the Bristol school of Germaine Greer studies suggested that Bargain Hunt itself was a masterstroke of genius. "The programme is works extremely well on a number of levels. David is simply dreamy. Even I think he's wonderful. Squwaaark." Janet says her life has been changed for the good since her turn to the religion of David. "I am so happy now. I'm currently doing a two year course in Glamorgan: Antiques Dealer MA. There is a module on David! David has made me love life, antiques and badger hair. What more could I want?" SianQuincy-RhinoSianus, web master of 'See You At The Ockshun' - the world's leading web site on David - claims that David is the greatest man alive. "He is simply WONDERFUL. If I could vote one person to be president of earth it would be David (well maybe Jude Law first). But David is quite brilliant, and the best thing is, this web site has distracted me from doing work this year! Which is always good." Professional evictor Peakers & the world leading Pingu expert grandma Beki, agreed with this sentiment. Both conform to the church of david, and have stated in the past that the David religion is spreading faster and faster. "I do a lot of work in groups." Explained grandma. "David is fast becoming like starbucks - there is one in every street. He's a real great presenter". Professional evictor Peakers was unavailable for comment due to difficult work with an ex-battle royale winner. So as Janet puts away another special pin-strip suit in her 19th century mahogany wardrobe (a steal at ockshun- cheap as chips!) she knows she can sleep safely in the knowledge that David is appreciated by all. And things can only get better. Long live (and love) the Duke. ** |
| EXCLUSIVE ARTICLE FROM AWARD WINNING* REPORTER APRICOT NESTS |
 |
 |
| *Winner of the 'See You At The Ockshun' I'll Do Anything to Stop Revising AwardsTM: Most amusing name category. |
| ** Everything in this article was made up. Apart from David's Greatness. And the bit about this web site being so wonderful. :o) |
 |