things dumb blonds do

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Top ten Blonde inventions:

1. Waterproof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

Things you dont want to hear at the doctors office

1. "Oops."
2. "Rats, I forgot my glasses again."
3. "Dang it, not again."
4. "Hey bring that back!! Bad dog. A human bone is no toy for a dog!"
5. "Someone call the janitor, we have a BIG mess again."
6. "Shoot, I can't get my arm out of her back. Were going to have to cut it off."
7. "And now we place the ape's brain in the subject's body."
8. "That's cool! Can you make his leg twitch?
9. "What? They're missing that too? Oh well, I guess we'll have to try how to remember how to do surgery."
10. "What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?"
11. "Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"
12. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Shoot- the guy's got two of 'em."
13. "Could you stop that thing from thumping, it's throwing my concentration off."
14. "You forgot what he was in for? Oh well, let's surprise him."
15. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
16. "Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"
17. "Hand me that...uh...that uh....thingie."
18. "Um, is this thing supposed to be moving? Cause I think it's about to choke the patient."

Top Bumper Sticker's seen around the world!

1.Constipated people don't give a crap.
2. Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
3. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
5. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
6. Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
7. If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
8. My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
9. Thank you for pot smoking.
10. To all you virgins thanks for nothing.
11. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
14. Horn broken...watch for finger.
15. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.

The Blond Was So Dumb...

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She tried to drown a fish.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius.
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
She studied for a blood test-and failed.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She sold the car for gas money!
When she saw the "NC-17 under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
We'll miss her.

10 Signs You are Addicted to the Net

10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9. You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
8. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
7. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
6. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
3. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
2. The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
1. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. You succeed.

100 Fun Ways to Order Pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's Master of Puppets CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Say, "Are you sure this is Pizza Place? When they say yes, say, "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, Pizza Place, start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a sitar in the background.
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout, "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73. Say, "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79. Put them on hold.
80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
84. When you'ge given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85. Haggle.
86. Order a one-inch pizza.
87. Order term life insurance.
88. When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
92. Engage in some serious swapping.
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97. Order a steamed pizza.
98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your time of day wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."

Threats Used in Dysfunctional Families

14. "Finish your lima beans or you're not getting any heroin for dessert!"
13. "If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you."
12. "If this plexiglass wasn't between us, I'd wash your mouth out with soap, young man."
11. "Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well? Do You?!"
10. "Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain't goin' to the prom with ya!"
9. "Eat your brussel sprouts, or Mommy won't love you anymore."
8. "Lyle, Erik -- either behave, or go to your suites!"
7. "If you don't eat your peas, Chelsea, I'll make you stay at the Gingrich's house!"
6. "Don't make me put you back in the womb!"
5. "As long as you live under this roof, you're going to wear that dress, young man!"
4. "You just wait til your father gets paroled!"
3. "Stop crying, Lourdes, or Uncle Dennis will kick you in the groin."
2. "Young lady, don't make me send you to the Citadel!"
1. "All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!"

The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in Newspapers:

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB - $850/offer
***
AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
***
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
***
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
***
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
***
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
***
COWS, CALVES FOR SALE, -NEVER BRED...ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
***
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000
***
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15
***
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
***
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
***
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
***
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
***
FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
***
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
***
FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
***
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE
***
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
***
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
***
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE..BETTER BE REWARD.
***
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
***
GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
***
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
***
GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
***
NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED
***
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
***
AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
***
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
***
NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
***
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
***
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
***
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
***
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
***
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
***
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
***
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
***
OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
***
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
***
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
4. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
A2: By doing the splits.
6. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
15. A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever.
16. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
17. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages. 29. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
37 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
38. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her
lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
39. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
40. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
41. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
57. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
58. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
59 Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
60. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

..........................................

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

..........................................

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question:

What was in the prince's pants?

(Scroll down for the answer)

V V V V V V M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking you pervert?

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, linage and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information (like psychological profile and polygraph test) as required.

=======================================================

Name:___________________________Date of Birth:______________________ Height:____________ Weight:____________ I.Q.___________ GPA:_________ Social Security Number:___________________ Driver's License #:____________ Boy Scout Rank:___________________________________________________ Home Address:____________________________ City:____________________ State:____________________________ Zip Code:_______________________

=======================================================

How far can you run: 40 yards?_______________ 2 miles?___________________ Do you own a? A)Van____ B)Truck with oversized tires?_____ C)Waterbed?_____ Do you have an earring, nose ring or belly button ring?__________ Tatoo?_________ NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #8, discontinue the application process and leave the premises!

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__________________________ _________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?__ _________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?__________________ _________________________________________________________________
Church you Attend:___________________ How often do you attend?____________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone, ever)
If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the__________.
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is___________________________.
A Women's place is in the _________________________.
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________.
In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like______________to be contacted.
My greatest fear is__________________________________________.
When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her___________________.
NOTE: If the answer to the last question begins with a "B", discontinue the application process and leave the premises. Keep your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to be "IF" you grow up?____________________________
Have you ever been fingerprinted?______ Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_________
Your dentist is__________________ Emergency phone #_________________________

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