| At a personal level, I am going to prove to you how premarital sex ruins relationships. To do this, you must be open minded. I realize that looking in the past is difficult, but in order for this to work you must face the past in order to improve your future life, to recognize the mistakes. Step 1 I want you to look back and recall the past lives you have touched with sexual intimacy. Start with the most recent. Get a mental image of that person. Recall the good times, especially when you first met. Perhaps you recall the gazing into each others eyes, maybe the lack of appetite, the newness, the being on edge.......thinking you must say and do the right things in order to impress him/her? Had you not become physically involved, that feeling would have not only lasted, but grown to an amazing level. Step 2 This is the toughest part, recalling when the relationship started to fade away. Don't let differences of opinion or personal interests mislead you in the reasoning, opposites attract. Now, with that aside.........Think very hard! Let's step back and analyze "you" for a moment. Let's look at your reasoning for entering the relationship with that person. Was it because of sexual attraction? Just realize, that is perfectly normal and acceptable in God's eyes. To be physically attracted to someone is where romance begins. In fact, it is part of his magnificent plan, although, lust is not. He wants you to be happy. An excellent biblical reference to this is the "Book of Solomon", or the "Song of Songs" (Depending on what bible version you might own). Step 3 Pick a scenario below that might apply to the fall of this relationship. A) Lack of Trust Was the separation due to lack of trust from both of you, perhaps just one of you? Does your partner lie making it difficult to believe anything that comes out of their mouth. Lack of trust (the opposite of love) generaly deals with the concern that a partner is not monogamous (unfaithful). Perhaps you have actualy caught the other person with someone else. Why did this "insecurity" (again, the opposite of love) come into play? I mean really think about it! Well, without trust, simply forget the relationship, it's over. Trust is an extremely important element in love. B) The sexual intimacy wasn't rewarding. Was the intimacy possibly not rewarding for one of you? First of all, if this is your scenario, my point is proven. C) Sexualy Transmitted Disease Point proven D) Conceiving of a child Perhaps the conceiving of a child came "inbetween" the two of you. Perhaps you left the person being unable to afford the financial responsibilities (scared). Or maybe you "stuck it out" and are constantly blaming him/her for the postion you are in, no free time, children constantly running afoot, being broke. You blame "him/her" for a mutual wrong (sexual intimacy that got yout here in the first place). If sex was not forced upon you, you are equaly to blame for the postion your in....period! E) Someone confused Love with Lust Be careful, many men and women look for one thing in "union". I have always heard that it's always men wanting "only one thing". From experience that is a false myth. Maybe once you became involved physicaly, one of you "fell in love" and the other person was scared away. That other person simply wasn't emotionaly ready for that in their life or simply wasn't looking for "love". People on the rebound "lurk" everywhere. If they only knew the love of Christ, the urge to be cruel and selfish would deminish. "Rebound love " (for lack of a better title) is another one of those viscious turning wheels that seem to spread and continue from person to person. F) Desired more than the other person Especially at younger ages, young men in general, might seek more physical intervention than a young woman might. Perhaps that difference somehow came inbetween the two of you. Men are at their sexual prime in their teenage years. Women in their 30's to 40's. Most relationships that work are in the "happy meduim" time of both lives, in other words the twenties and thirties (ages). I'm sure there are many, many more scenarios out there than these basic few. But think about the relationship and you will find that the decline lead to the same point. Premarital sex ruins relationships. Step 4 Apply my "Theory-ology" to all of your past experiences in sexual intimacy. My overall point is simple, once you involve sex into a relationship, you change the goal of seeking a life time of conversation and happiness with that person. You have to fall in love with who they are not with how good they are in the bedroom.. That will insure a lifetime together of compatibility. If lust is your motive heartbrake or worse will be the result. |
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| The Challenge |