"OUR FIRST CAR" (A SALESMAN'S REVENGE)
In the summer of 1948 shortly before I escaped from the Strategic Air Force in Salina, Kansas, we were given a special 10 day leave. An ole boy, name of Jimmy, who was in my outfit and who was seemingly sane, offered my wife, Bobbye and me a ride to Texas which we unfortunately accepted. Well, it didn�t take me long to find out that we had made a bad mistake. Ole Jimmy knew only one speed and that was Pedal to the Metal!
Going around corners was especially exciting, so much so that I got Bobbye to hide in the back seat, figuring she might have a better chance to survive when we went rolling over and over in some cow pasture. Somehow however, we did get to Texas in one piece and without attracting the attention of any Highway Patrolmen. Confidentially, I had been praying that a Patrolman would stop us, but I think we were going so fast they couldn�t catch us.
A few days later in Big Spring, Texas, we had borrowed my parent�s car and decided to go shopping for one of our own. Now, it just happened that Bobbye had an ex-beau who was a used-car salesman and we went to see him. Bad idea! Unbeknownst to me, the salesman was more than a little bitter about being rejected and I was the number one target as the cause of his unhappiness.
Well, ole Art just happened to have the perfect car for us. It was a 1941 Ford with odometer reading of 99,999 miles (probably for the fourth time.) Ole Art wanted a mere $1000 for it which was more than it cost 9 years before and no telling how many miles ago so we took it out for a little spin and it ran like the proverbial Singer Sewing Machine. I was so smart I even stuck my finger in the tail pipe to see if it was one of them oil burners. My finger came out clean as a whistle! We decided to buy that sucker, but there was only one remaining problem. No money!
Since I had a real young honest looking face at the time I went to the local First National Bank on a Saturday morning and met up with a kindly old gentleman and told him I needed some money for a down payment for a car. He said, �When do you need it?�, �Right now.�, �Why are you in such a hurry?� �I have to be in Salina, Kansas in a few days.� When he recovered and we helped him back up off the floor he said, �The bank closes at noon and we are going to have a board meeting. Why don�t you come back at 1 p.m., knock on the side door and I will let you know what we have decided about your loan.�
Promptly at 1 p.m., I knocked on the door and that old gentleman opened the door with a big smile on his face and right off I could see that we were about to become proud owner�s of our very own car. By 1:30 p.m. we had given ole Art a down payment check for $300, signed up for a loan and were headed west to Odessa, Texas to return my parent�s car and to show off our �new� car. I was real sure they would be relieved to get their car back relatively undamaged and to know that I wouldn�t be trying to borrow it again.
Before we reached the city limits of Big Spring (at least two miles) Bobbye, driving the borrowed car, started honking at me something furious. I thought she wanted me to speed up. So I did. She just kept on honking at me and I was getting plum irritated so I slowed down to let her pass me. Then I could honk at her and see how she liked that.
Bobbye then pulled up alongside of me and said, �You fool, you are on fire!� Sure enough, I looked back and there was a great big black cloud right behind me. Well, I pulled over wishing I had a fire extinguisher and stopped. When I turned the engine off the smoke stopped boiling out and I began to suspect that I had me an oil burner. Now I knew why ole Art had such a big happy grin on his face when I drove away from his crooked car lot.
Well, we drove right slow like on to Odessa and when I checked the oil there, the dipstick was real clean. It was real clean because there was NO oil on it! In case you are mechanically disadvantaged, this means that there was no oil left in the motor. This is not good. Well, I filled that sucker up with clean oil and the next morning we took off for Salina, Kansas! About 60 miles up the road I stopped and checked that dipstick again. It was clean as a whistle because all the oil had gone right out the tail pipe. Again!
After doing an oil refill we headed on up the road. Before we got plum out of Texas I had stopped at a kindly old service station and bought me a five gallon can of oil. By that time I had brilliantly deduced that I could go exactly 50 miles per 5 quarts of oil. And so it went all thru the night, 50 miles, 5 quarts. We arrived at Salina early in the morning and as soon as we entered the city limits the local firemen thought they had a job on their hands.
When I heard all the sirens a blowing I pulled over, turned that oil burning motor off and immediately most of the black smoke disappeared. The firemen were real nice even though they didn�t get to put my fire out and even gave me some good advice which was, �You better get that car fixed sonny!� (I did.)
P.S. Don�t ever buy a used car from your wife�s ex-boyfriend!
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