"THE AVIATOR"
Having too much time on my hands, I decided to build a radio-controlled airplane and soon found out the difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys. To begin this aeronautical adventure I bought a real simple kit. As a matter of fact, it was a little too simple. The little motor had only one speed, wide open! It had only one control, called a rudder, that was supposed to make it go to the left or to the right(sort of).
After several weeks of construction, a friend and I went to the �airfield� to fly that fantastic creation. He claimed to be an ace pilot and would help me send that plane off on it�s maiden test flight. Now this plane didn�t have enough sense to take off from the ground so when we got the motor started I chunked it up in the air and away it went. It got up about twenty feet over the ground and flew right off in one direction until it disappeared! The rudder control that was supposed to make it turn
wouldn�t work because I had forgotten to charge the remote control batteries!
After about an hour into the search and rescue mission we spotted my wayward airplane. It had made a perfect landing in a plowed field, but was right near a farmer�s barn. The farmer had warning signs posted all over the place to the effect that he would shoot at all radio-controlled pilots who trespassed on his property. Being of unsound mind but having at that time an agile body, I climbed thru a bob war fence and tore out across the plowed field to rescue my aircraft before being spotted by the trigger-happy farmer. When you are afraid of getting shot by an irate farmer you really can run fast.
I proceeded to set a record for a hundred yard dash and got out of there with my airplane before the farmer could get to his shotgun. Well, I might as well have let the farmer have that plane because on the very next attempt to fly the dang thing it went straight up into the air and then came straight down and crashed itself into smithereens!
My next adventure began when I found a hobby shop where the owner would teach you how to fly if you bought your kits and accessories from him. So I got me a kit to build a plane with all kinds of controls just like a real airplane. After two months of tedious construction I went to the �airfield� with my brand new fancy airplane and with the help of my new �instructor� began to fly that thing just like I knew what I was doing.
I had circled the airfield several times and started to bring it in for a landing, but my instructor said, �Take it around one more time.� That turned out to be a bad idea because the next time around I was bringing it in for a beautiful landing when all of a sudden it alit right on top of a two story flat-topped building about a hundred yards away!
Now I had about three hundred dollars invested in that wayward plane so I went home, got me a 20 ft. ladder. Have you ever tried to drive with one hand holding a ladder on the outside of your car and drive with the other hand? In heavy traffic? If you ever try that you will hear lots of honking horns!
After successfully reaching the building where my plane was stranded I found that the ladder would just barely reach a ledge that came out three feet from the side of the building, then climbed up, got on the ledge and pulled the ladder up onto the ledge. By that time a friend had arrived and was standing down below to watch me about to fall. I think he was more nervous than I because he was constantly making the sign of the cross. I reckon what he was doing must have worked because the ladder didn�t slip off the ledge.
By the time I got to the top of the ladder I was about 40 feet high and things down below were looking a lot smaller. But I fell off the ladder onto the top of the roof and found that my airplane had made a perfect landing without a scratch. But now I had a REAL problem. How was I going to get down off the top of that blasted building with me and the airplane in one piece each?
Not having a parachute, the only way I could get down was on the two-stage ladder. After pondering my situation for fifteen minutes and doing a few signs of the cross, I told my friend way down there on the ground I was going to chunk my airplane down there and for him to catch it. Well, I chunked it but he didn�t catch it. That airplane was a lot smarter than I because it made another perfect landing!
Since you are reading this you might have by now correctly surmised that I didn�t fall and get kilt.
(More flying adventures later)
The ex-building climber.
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