I just had an ingenious idea. I think I am going to go out and rape a few people and rob a few stores.
I might even kill a person or two.
Now, if I am lucky enough, I just may get caught and convicted.
Already I sense a discord among my readers.
Why on earth, you say, would you even consider such atrocities?
The answer is really quite simple — prison.
Consider the benefits of prison life.
Three square meals a day, clean clothes, educational opportunities, and even a membership to a gym where anyone can work out.
Think about it.
No more getting up at the crack of dawn to go to a dead-end job just so that I can make a living.
Oh no, I can just lead a lazy, good-for-nothing life without the everyday pressures that everyone else worries over.
This and much more all for the low price of committing a few crimes.
That's it.
No other effort is required.
Does this not sound like your kind of living?
By now, I am sure, you have picked up a hint of sarcasm within the above text.
On a more serious note, I am not really going to commit the said crimes.
I am not one to leech off of society.
However, the above description of prison life is an accurate and sad commentary on today's prison systems.
I was recently talking to a friend of mine who happens to be a security guard at a prison here in Oklahoma.
What I described to you above is exactly what he described to me.
This is the state of crime and punishment in America.
Criminals commit such atrocities as murder, rape and robbery, yet they seemingly get off with less than a slap on the wrist.
Even if they do end up in the slammer, conditions there are not so bad.
Tell me, what is so punitive about three square meals a day, a free weight club membership, free clothing and so forth?
We wonder why criminals continue to commit crimes even after they have served a prison term.
Is it not obvious?
They have been there, and they know that it is not such a bad place to be.
So, the prisoner comes out thinking, "Hey, prison wasn't so bad. I think I'll go out and continue in my ways of crime. If I get caught, I go to prison. What's so bad about that?"
So, no matter what happens, they win.
Folks, if this kind of prison treatment continues, there will be no end to the rise in crime.
You can scoff now, but when your family member gets murdered or raped, I am sure you will be the first in line to demand a hanging.
The solution to our problem is simple.
First, we should do away with all the amenities prison provide.
They neither deserve nor do they need them.
Get rid of televisions in prison.
Why should convicted criminals enjoy leisurely afternoons watching TV on their rear ends?
Do away with the weight rooms.
Does it make sense to give criminals an opportunity to get beefed up for free?
For Pete's sake, they end up leaving the prison bigger and stronger to commit even more heinous crimes.
Tell me, where is the sensibility in that?
In addition to all of this, I propose to eliminate the opportunity to get an education.
You ask, what is the point in that?
OK, here I am, paying thousands of dollars per year for an education, and you are going to tell me that some prisoner is getting a free education?
Mind you, I am talking about a four-year, undergraduate degree here, not something that can be obtained via a cracker jack box.
If the average prisoner can get a college education for free, this simply teaches us that all we need to do is commit some crimes and get convicted for a couple of years.
Bingo, time to work on a business management degree.
That, friends, is a messed up philosophy.
Another thought — do away with three hearty meals.
Give them bread and water.
They do not deserve home-cooked meals.
Hey, they do not even deserve school-cafeteria quality food.
I guarantee that the removal of these amenities will cut down the crime rate.
I know that some of you might be thinking that my remedies are a bit draconian.
Nevertheless, I propose that if prisons become more harsh, then maybe criminals will think twice before they kill or rape someone.
Seriously, if you knew that the penalty for crimes was free education, three square meals a day, free cable TV and so forth, would that stop you from committing such crimes?
I doubt it. Yet, remove these amenities, and I'm sure you'd be less likely to commit a crime. It just makes sense.
david roberts is an aerospace mechanical engineering senior from okmulgee.