For many Americans who oppose the mistreatment of animals, a membership with PETA offers a chance to make a difference. Many of the actions the People for the Ethnic Treatment of Animals organization are quite radical, but are helpful in getting the message of the organization across the the rest of the world.
Personally, I agree with PETA that animals are God's creatures, too. Therefore, I would like to go one step further than PETA and officially create my own organization. You are all invited to join People for the Integration and Teaching of Animals, or PITA. It's spelled the same as the bread, sans yeast.
PITA will embark on a long journey and the reward, my friends, will be great. Our main goal is to integrate animals into our society. They have feelings too, and communicate in ways not very different from our own. Why not teach animals to be productive, intellectual members of our society. Gone will be the days of petting zoos and the brutal slaughtering of a cow just so a family can enjoy a wholesome steak dinner. Enter the new era of cows and children attending the same schools, with their cow and human parents sharing the same jobs. It will truly be a remarkable and beautiful thing to achieve.
"Like you...they have interests in leading their own lives..." This is part of the PETA mission statement, which couldn't hold more truth. So the first thing PITA will achieve after the education of animals has been concluded will be job programs and college curriculums designed to suit the special needs of animals. If we are going to bring equality to this world, we must begin by integrating animals into the workplace. One thing we have learned from PETA is that animals are intelligent individuals who are capable of "leading their own lives." In today's capital society, animals need the opportunities to earn an income just like anyone else.
It is obvious that not all employers will initially accept the idea of hiring animals to do jobs that humans had always been best at. This is where affirmative action will help to ease animals into the workforce. Employment must be fair, and employment of animals within a company should begin at no less than 10%.
Once animals have established themselves in our communities by becoming self-reliant individuals, they will gain the respect of any skeptics who still oppose their progress, even after they are educated to the level our human members of society are. This respect will help create animals leaders and role models in sports, movies, television, music, and even politics. For instance, Florida has more cows than any other state in the nation. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to see a heifer governor in the Sunshine State sometime in the next few decades. However, this is only if PITA is able to get off the ground and make the progress that we are hoping to achieve.
Imagine a world where animals are finally treated as both PETA and PITA see as just, like the members of our society capable of leading our own lives. Horse races would be raced by horses who aren't burdened by ninety pound men riding on their backs whipping them only to make them go faster and to give them the sense of power they need to suppress their Napoleonic complexes. Eggplant would become one of the primary foods in the nation. Cows, lamb, chickens, pigs, and, yes, even humans, dine together on eggplant Parmesan, stuffed eggplant, eggplant kabobs, and any other way you can fix the delectable vegetable. In other words, this would be a perfect society, and I believe the folks over at PETA would agree with me.