[pf] Un-requested gifts, including food

Dear PFers,

**  For years I provided not only grocery-purchasing but also cooking the
evening meal, for the five of us. In addition to my full-time teaching job.

**  I saw the "cooking for the family" as a gift from me to them, since
sufficient food was available for them to get their own meals, cooked or 
not.

**  I quit, when there appeared to me to be too little appreciation, such
as an unwillingness to "come to dinner" within ~5 minutes of being called.
(We all ate together - the kids were teenagers then.) That was at the
beginning of the summer vacation, so no big deal. In spite of a statement
that I was willing to return to cooking the meals _if_asked_, when
school/University started there was no request. So since then we've had
other ways (including a rota), but currently people cook for themselves
when they wish, and can choose to offer some to any or all others. Over 90%
of what we all eat is bread and raw food, now. None except bread and
spreads, and pasta, comes from "the food industry", i.e. manufactured food.

**  I'm happy with this.

**  We also have a shopping-list, and _only_ the things on it are bought,
plus a handful of necessities (bread, milk, cabbage, carrots,
toilet-paper). This puts the responsibility of purchase onto the person who
will be using the item (e.g. hair shampoo).

**  The upshot of all this is that we _buy_very_little_; the person only
goes shopping when there is something _needed_; that person doesn't say to
themself: "they might enjoy having such-and-such" whether they would or
wouldn't, since the decision to purchase is made by the person who actually
wants it, rather than by guess-work.

**  We're all happy with this (old-fashioned, in my view) way of buying
things; our 26yo son says it was an eye-opener to him, that it _is_
possible to live on so little, and it's one of the reasons he's still
living with us.

**  This doesn't rule out gifts - you just ask first, to see whether they
would really appreciate being given something; and if not the actual thing
suggested, what would be better. In my case the process went like this: my
first pair of hemp jeans (open-weave, not denim) were nearly worn out 18
months ago, and I complained that they weren't lasting as long as I'd
hoped. A month or two later, my wife heard about a newly-opened hemp store
(not just clothes) down-town, and asked me whether I would like a pair of
proper hemp jeans. Of course, I said yes, so knowing my waist measurement
(the same as it's been since my 20s) she bought and gave me a pair; which
I'm still enjoying wearing (and which our son sometimes wears when going to
a friend's place - his jeans are too ripped for that, recently). As I say,
much appreciated; but at least partly because I was _asked_first_ what I'd
like.

**  I'm sure probably more than half of what is bought these days is bought
without any real need, and a big fraction of that is with the idea that it
would please someone else, but without a prior indication from them that
this _is_ so. Or even any thought that perhaps they should be asked first.

David.
(David MacClement) d1v9d @ bigfoot.com (remove spaces)
http://www.emucities.com.au/member/davd/index.html#top
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