Re: [pf] Expectations and Reality

At 14:26 17/10/99 -0400, you wrote:
>Sorry to be so far behind on my mail.  When I get behind like this, I'm 
>afraid I tend to do a LIFO response to my inbox …
> …
>We can certainly toss out the unreasonable expectations.  But what about 
>the definition of reasonable expectations?  "One in accord with reality" 
>leaves much up to the imagination.
>
> …  If I do it, I get to feel good that I gave a gift to the household, 
>while if the husband does it, its simply a check mark on the list of 
>things to do. …
>It works both ways … Until the husband makes the "mistake" of 
>gifting too often and is then "expected" to cook the meal which is then 
>inevitably taken for granted and unappreciated.  Right, David?
>
**  Yes; good example.


>To have /any/ expectations of this sort is disastrous, since they are not 
>appreciated and lose all meaning in the giving and the receiving.  I think 
>it is vastly important to thoroughly look at what we take for granted and 
>to reduce our expectation lists dramatically, to bring back our 
>appreciation and willingness to share in the work that needs doing. … 

**  You've skipped over a part of the problem, which could become part of
the solution. Most people, after being able to think properly (many don't
reach this), can re-examine what is "the work that needs doing", and choose
a less frequent rate of doing it, or some "lateral-thinking" way-of-acting
that avoids creating "work that needs doing". The problem is often in one
person's wish to "have things done the right way" (meaning what they've
been used to), and someone else's answer is seen as unwillingness to share
in the work.


> If we expect nothing, everything we receive is a beautiful 
>gift, and everything we give provides us with personal motivation to 
>continue because the gift is fully appreciated.  To me, this is an 
>important key to a new more positive future, …
>
[tully, earlier: ]
>>>I have found this giving of gifts as you describe above to be so true, 
>and
>>>have stopped doing a whole lot of things as a result. …
>>>Acting when moved, and not acting otherwise.
>> …
>>*** … a common mistake that has been promulgated since the 
>"Enlightenment" 
>>in equating Reason and rationality.  The two are actually
>>quite distinct concepts.  Rationality IS a component of Reason, but so is
>>emotionality, and other non linear, non rational aspects of the human
>>person.  Reason comprises the process of using these components to arrive 
>at
>>a understanding of the truth of a situation or question, and in its 
>ultimate
>>sense, to achieve an awareness of ones true place within the scheme of
>>things, with Reality itself.
>
>                             … is the distinction between "reason" 
>and "non-reason" strictly one based on the concept of "Reality?"  Does 
>this 
>concept say that there is some universal Reality?  This is a concept I 
>can't accept in that I think that even if there is some universal reality, 
>none of us can be aware of it, …  I believe that reality is different 
>for everyone and is based on experience, teachings, emotions, etc. and 
>is more or less a perception of each individual.  We have certain 
>collective realities, things that are agreed upon by certain groupings 
>of people, but I've found that for every "universal truth" espoused by 
>these groups, another group can claim just the opposite and make 
>just as valid argument for their stance. …

**  I'm with tully on this. Especially the word "can" (after "even if").
    I'm very aware of how limited my understanding of reality is, though I
believe it's a more thorough understanding than 19 of every 20 other 
people. 

**  So the word reality for me has two meanings: the real reality, that
_no_one_ is capable of knowing (so discussing it is useless), and my
particular reality, that is improving with experience, age and
reading/discussion.

**  However, certainly what I know, and very probably what I am (or anyone
else is) capable of knowing, is such an infinitesimal piece of the real
reality, that I'm quite happy to live with the knowledge that other
people's reality is different from mine. When we appear to be talking about
the same thing, I'll gladly discuss it with them, in the expectation that
they can improve their reality by such discussion, and quite possibly vice
versa.

David.
(David MacClement) d1v9d @ bigfoot.com (remove spaces)
http://www.emucities.com.au/member/davd/index.html#top
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