[pf] NZ political comment: "Georgina froufrous in Keithlockestan"

· If you're thinking of getting into politics, you're getting imto this sort of snide, "Arf, Arf!" stuff.  D.

STUFF THE DOMINION OPINION 11 OCT 2001

Georgina froufrous in Keithlockestan

The comedic talents of Georgina Beyer and high farce of Keith Locke brought some levity to the serious business of discussing New Zealand's military commitment to the hunt for Osama bin Laden, writes Jane Clifton. 

As the Government devoted its general debate time to "welcoming" National's new leadership, there was a specially generous contribution from Wairarapa MP Georgina Beyer. 

Looking particularly elegant in a flamboyant triple-tiered gown, she tut-tutted at the previous speaker, National's Lockwood Smith, saying she could see him eyeing up her skirts. 

This was a clear signal that the Government benches could settle back for a bit of standup comedy from the world's first trans-sexual MP. Ms Beyer proceeded to have her wicked way with National's frontbench he-men, suggesting that she knew the name of a good surgeon "if anyone's interested". When she'd finished pinkening Dr Smith's cheeks with double entendre, she turned to National frontbencher Tony Ryall, saying he would look nice in one of her frocks, too. Poor Mr Ryall, she said, didn't know if he was to be finance spokesman or not. 

But the boy she really wanted to toy with was new leader Bill English. She was most pleased to extend to Bill, his wife, Mary, and their six children an invitation to the next Hero parade. She'd even help Bill with his costume. Given that the Englishes are proudly practising Catholics, they'd probably justify their own float if they did turn up. 

It wasn't just National getting teased. Anyone who wonders why Green MP Keith Locke is howled at every time he opens his mouth in Parliament could get an inkling from something Winston Peters said about him this week: "Is he a pinko, or what?!" 

Mr Locke was strictly brought up by his formidable peace-waging activist mother, Elsie Locke, to question war in all its forms. But since the terrorism crisis, Mr Locke's relentless Jiminy Cricket act in Parliament drives even his fellow peaceniks to thoughts of violence. He causes such disorder that Speaker Jonathan Hunt now has to make a special little speech every time Mr Locke gets up to speak, reminding other MPs that Mr Locke was democratically elected, and has every right to be heard respectfully. 

Yesterday, Mr Locke managed to disrupt even an issue he is vitally concerned about: is the United States acting correctly, according to United Nations convention, in bombing Afganistan? 

The Opposition had the Government and Alliance nicely lathered up on this, since Alliance minister Matt Robson -- almost as notorious a peacemonger as Mr Locke -- expressed public opposition to sending troops. 

Phil Goff was in full rant and Jim Anderton was starting to lose his temper, when in rode Mr Locke to the rescue. He simpered his own interpretation of the UN convention, and suddenly the House was not debating war and peace any more, but Keith Locke's wild past. 

Winston Peters, Parliament's chief Locke-aphobe, yet again referred to the articles that Mr Locke once contributed to what Mr Peters likes to call the pinko press. Mr Peters's particular favourite was the article in which Mr Locke called on New Zealand to support the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. 

"Does the minister remember how many nations joined the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, and what UN charter was invoked by that invasion, which Mr Locke said the West should support?" Mr Peters asked, somewhat facetiously. 

Mr Goff said the invasion had enjoyed support only from the Soviet Union's own satellite states. This brought a torrent of laughter, as the Opposition delightedly agreed that Mr Locke was as good as a Soviet satellite state all by himself. Keithlockestonia? Keithlockegrad? Certainly, Mr Locke suddenly seemed to occupy a territory all by himself, his Green benchmates having suddenly lapsed into what looked like deep trances. 

Mr Locke, who usually puts up uncomplainingly with all abuse except being likened to Pol Pot, finally decided to stick up for himself. "Point of order! Mr Peters is casting aspersions on my reputation and I would like to ask for the date of the article he is referring to." 

Alas, Mr Peters was able to produce not just the date, but the whole article -- "from that freedom-loving paper, the Socialist Action," -- because the ACT Party always carries the collected writings of Mr Locke about with it, to be ready to quote any time it thinks the Greens are getting uppity. Such is the effect of Mr Locke that Mr Peters will even collaborate with ACT to annoy him. 

Mr Hunt tried to resolve the uproar by suggesting Mr Locke deny having endorsed the Soviet invasion. An MP's word is always taken, and the teasing could then stop. 

Alas, Mr Locke seemed unwilling or unable to deny it. There was an awkward pause, during which the other Greens seemed still to be practising astral projection. But the Republic of Keithlockestan was sticking with a neither-confirm-nor-deny policy. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
sent on to Positive Futures by David.
David MacClement [davd @ ihug.co.nz] (remove spaces)
http://davd.tripod.com/GrRR-011005_titles.html#top
http://www.geocities.com/davd.geo/index.html#top
***********************************************