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| Is it empty sex? Honestly, there are alot of people that do not have good first experiences as they enter the lifestyle. Being with another couple that is too pushy or doesn't respect boundaries, or having it not live up to the expectations they have set through either porno films, others experiences or personal expectations, it can leave some people feeling cheated or find it less than appealing. One of the common expectations and one that causes a lot of personal conflict at first is expecting, hot passionate sex with other people. But when its all said and done, a lot of people, especially women, feel that it felt "empty" and not completely satisfying. While we are not experts, we would probably say that it has to do with the expectations we have set for sex. For most of us, sex is connected to love, affection and intimacy and security. Sex in the lifestyle is just sex, recreational sex, sex just for fun. Without the love, affection and intimacy we are used to, it can seem empty and "hollow". While you might be with a person that has a great technique, or can make you tingle all over, without the safety, security, and love you get from your spouse, it can never compare or even come close to what your spouse has to offer you. It is just sex, nothing more. Many people have a first experience, then take quite awhile before coming back for more. Many people never come back for more. For them, the feeling of emptiness was too much to work through. We are not trying to scare you or shy you away, but to let you know that these feelings are normal, and similar to the other issues you had to work through to get this far, is another sexual boundary that needs to be explored. |
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| MYOB As a group, you will find people in the lifestyle to be very open and honest about their experiences. Most will even share from their personal experiences to help and show you support. With that said, do not ask for specifics. The names of other couples they have been with is personal and should be confidential. You might be thinking, "But what about my safety. I want to know if a couple was with someone I think might not be clean." The best we can tell you is to not party with that couple again. Hopefully you picked a couple that feels the same as you about safe sex. If they insist on condoms for partying, then you have little to worry about. If condoms are optional with them, then does it really matter if you know the other peoples names? Not really, risky sex is risky sex and you can't tell by looking at someone if they are disease free. "But what if they are with a couple we had a bad experience with. We should let them know what jerks they are, right?" Listen, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and many couples get themselves in a deep hole by putting themselves in the middle of two other couples. Remember what is important, you and your spouse. Nobody else. We are not saying that you shouldn't tell someone about a couple that put you in danger, either physically or by carrying a disease. But there is a fine line between helping and hurting a situation. If you choose to become involved, you must be prepared for any result. The same is true in reverse. It is never a good idea to talk with other couples about who you have been with. Generalities are fine, and can be quite enlightening in a conversation. But no one really needs to know how Bill could not get erect, or how Sarah smelt funny. It's not only rude, it's a violation of the other couple's privacy. You'll find that if you do not talk about other couples and refuse to listen to dirt about other couples, you can keep conversations and friendships fun and you can be fun to be around. |