And so, our heroes…wait a
minute…Heroes? Nah…Anyway, our main characters, left the village
in search of their goal, Dark Forest. Well whadd’ya know? It only
took about two miles until our traveling fellas found a nice wooden sign
stating “Beware the Dark Forest.”
“That is the single most least
frightening thing I’ve ever read in my entire existence. But what’s the use of
even trying to explain this to you. You illiterate wino.” Gello stated
pompously. THWACK! Darq’s large mallet then brought new meaning to the phrase
“a mind of its own”. Gello proceeded to pass out following a prolonged girlish
scream.
Darq picked Gello
up by the hair and swung him over his shoulder.
“Argh…” he said despairingly as he
made his way into the forest without a battle comrade, pfft not that Gello
would actually be of any use, the little wuss. It was an abysmal place, full of
abysmal abysses. Had enough of the abyssesnessess…huh? Whatever. Nonetheless it
was, a dreary…abysmal place. None other than those damned
fairy wraith thingees, URGH, inhabited the forest! I JUST HATE THOSE! And so
did our hero Mr. Darq Valuere.
“WHAT IN THE 13 LAYERS OF HELL?!
DAMMIT! Fairies…Wraiths…surrounding…gnomes…elves…stinky…scavengers…ugh…air
putrid…. getting…sick.” Within seconds, Gello was dropped from his
chariot/shoulder and onto the forest floor. Darq, fell to the floor, just the
same. 3 hours had passed, quite a comfy nap, wouldn’t you say? Darq woke up to
an incessant poking in his chest. “AH! Go away!” He yelled at the top of his
lungs.
“Huh? I was just trying to wake you
up before you got hurt…I can’t just stand here all day and defend you…Being the
brave warrior that I am, I do get tired you know!” Gello was hovering over him
as he said this and Darq became infuriated. He rose to his feet and grabbed
Gello by the collar.
“Listen you little bastard, I don’t
have time for your subterfuge. You couldn’t protect a blade of grass from a
single drop of rain.” Darq replied.
“I don’t believe I appreciate that
tone…”
“I don’t believe I appreciate your
putrid malodorous stench!”
“Now that was just harsh…I’m not
speaking with you…Ninny.”
Darq calmly dusted himself and continued
to walk down the forest path. The wraiths had gone, for now, but there was
still a feeling that the little mischievous rats with transparent, glittery
wings, would return. Regardless, Darq was in high spirits, because Gello,
supposedly his best friend, was not talking with him. “YAY!” He thought to
himself, “I have played…the ultimate trump card!” He walked on with a joyful
stride. Nothing could ruin this day.
Within an hour, it seemed as if he
and Gello had made no progress, it was like an endless, eternal, hoop of hell.
“DAMN! What’s going on here?” Loudmouth bellowed at the top of his
lungs. Darq soon sat on the forest floor and took his own personal break.
“For real,” he though to himself,
“What in hell is going on here?” Twinkle thwam,
A blue light surrounded him within an instant. Gello was too
busy to notice, considering that he had his back turned and was uttering curses
to the forest and its inhabitants…although none of them even thought to pay
attention.
“Um…hello
there!” Darq said reluctantly. The blue light soon came nearer; it became
smaller and landed on his nose. Darq began to feel a sneeze coming on but
hesitated. Within a second, the blue light seemed to ‘bite’ him. “OW! You
little bastard!”
Darq reached up and tried to thump it, however the tiny blue
wraith moved to quickly and he ended up thumping himself. “OW!”
“What’re
you yelling about back there?” Gello asked Darq.
“That damn
fairy thing just bit my nose.” Darq said as his rubbed his schnozzle. The blue
light came back into view once more and appeared in front of Darq.
“Hahahaha…You’re
so easily teased. I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy keeping you here for
eternity!” the blue sprite said disdainfully. Darq had a puzzled looked smeared
across his face.
“Eternity?”
he said, “Whadd’ya mean by that?” Darq reached up and grabbed the fairy by its
tiny slender leg. “Now listen, I haven’t got the time for your silly games you
little freak. Now let me out here, I’ve got business to conduct and all you’re
doing is interfering at the wrong moment!”
“Well,” the
fairy said, “if that isn’t the rudest-“ The sprites words were cut
short. (In a literal sense that is). From out of the shrubbery, jumped a large
shirtless man with frazzled brown hair, pulled back into a ponytail. His pants
were leather and buttoned on each thigh. Between his legs a cloth banner hung a
Mooshnai hieroglyph. His face was chiseled and seemed cut from years of
hard-living. His nose went straight out at top then slanted straight down, it
was clear that this man had never had his nose broken, and with good reason,
however, on that same nose was a scar as unmistakable as Darq’s drinking
problem. It was a diagonal wound and went right over his nose. His chin was as
large as an apple, and his hands and feet seemed as large as tree trunks. He drew his large blade and split the
mischievous wraith in two pieces.
“WOW!”
Gello ejaculated, “That was COOL!” The beastly man just shot a glance at Gello
and gave him a slight ‘humph’.
“So
um…Wow…Where’d you come from?” Darq inquired of the ghastly figure.
The old man’s face looked very grim, but with a sudden
burst, his mouth upward and into a large smile.
“Where’d I
come from?! HA! The bushes, where’d you think?” the jolly man said with a grin.
Darq looked puzzled.
“Hmmm…so…what’s
your name?”
“Name’s
Ricarde De le Monte, at your service. I noticed your particular problem with
that pestering little sprite. I spend my time conjuring strategic maneuvers for
killing them. No trouble at all sire, on trouble at all.”
“De le
Monte? That sounds strangely familiar I’ll remember that. Do you live in these
woods?”
“Well, I
have made quite a cozy home out of them, but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to
leave. So, I accept your offer sire. Of course, I’ll travel with you and split
the profits 90/10…”
“90/10!!!!
We didn’t even offer you anything! Much less offer you to be our partner” Gello
screamed. Darq nodded in agreement.
“Your price
is a bit steep, although you would make a great comrade in battle and
treasure-hunting.” Darq said with a discerning tone.
“Steep? I
beg to differ sire. I’m only asking for 10%…you guys are by far the most
horrific misers I’ve ever seen!”
“Wait a
minute,” Gello exclaimed, “only…10%? Well, I mean…that’s ok I guess!” Gello
shot a look to Darq as if to say ‘Hey…this guy’s an idiot…10%…WHAT A STEAL!!’
“WE’LL
ACCEPT!!!” Darq yelled as loudly as possible.
“I thought
you would,” Ricarde said assuringly, “Oh…and by the way,” Ricarde said as he
looked to Gello, “Don’t think this is some sort of bargain and that I know
nothing of business…I’m only in it for the sheer exhilaration…I never refuse
the opportunity for a good adventure. Money means nothing to me…but I’d at
least like to get enough gold to leave me with a few decent meals and some fine
vintage liquor.”
“My kind of
guy!” Darq said with sanction.
“Gods, I’m
surrounded by a bunch of boozers…” Gello alleged. And so, our three good-guys
(pfft) started on their way out. Darq and Ricarde made polite conversation
along the way about magic ability and weapons. Gello slowly began to doze off,
simply because he grew bored of what he would call, ‘their bantering…pfft…silly
numskulls’.
“My eyes?”
Ricarde said to Darq in a questioning tone, “Ahhh…They’re a Dark
greenish-brown. The truest of the earth magic. None of that healing
hullabaloo…pure earth…the dirt…the grass…the trees…all of it. The earth.”
“Interesting,”
Darq said being not very interested in fact.
“Now…hmmm?
Y…Your eyes…”
“What about
them?”
“They’re…um…red!”
“And………..”
“What does
that mean sire…it can’t even be comprehended…is it some sort of um…Fairy
magic?”
“No…As far
as I know all I can do is a few fire attacks…what I was taught to be called, my
reptu ki…”
“Reptu ki?
Never heard of it…May I have a little demonstration?” The large man said with a
childish pleading grin.
“Oh…all
right!” Darq said jadedly. Within a mere second, Darq drew his large mallet,
what he called Manus, from out of nowhere.
“WOW!”
Ricarde exclaimed. Darq then raised it up high. He lowered his head and began
chanting in a foreign language. Ricarde gave him an odd look and continued to
watch with interest.
“Reptu…KI!”
Darq raised his hand; in a mere nano-second it ignited into a majestic red
flame with a somewhat dismal black glow. He held it to his mallet like a torch to
a candle. The mallet burst into flames, yet seemed unharmed. Ricarde was
astonished, not knowing how to react he simply clapped. Darq shot him a glare
with his dark red eyes as if to say ‘Hey…QUIET…I’m not done here.’ It was
awesome. His mallet’s brand new flame seemed to reach towards the heavens; and
then it came crashing down. THUD! It was like an instant
wildfire…. Just add mallet and a bit of red-eyed magic. The whole area within 3
meters burst into flames and blew away as ash in the wind.
“Good
job…moron!” Gello said quiet satirically, “You just destroyed an entire population
of wraiths and three gnomes!” Ricarde looked to Gello, and then to Darq.
“Really…Seriously…GOOD
JOB! I hate those damned things!” Riarde said with a fervent tone. Darq took a
bow and threw his mallet into the air. POOF! The mallet
had vanished…(and so had 3 meters worth of foleage…ha).
“Looks like
getting out of here won’t be so hard after all!” Gello said with a supportive
tone. And so, they left the place…