Loneliness knawing at the hole-stomach
Or is it called Hunger? I wouldn't know
anymore. Abnormalities have taken over
Taking away feelings of happiness, leaving
only sadness full of confusion. I won't
let Hunger take what is mine-emptiness.
Satisfaction of Hunger reminds me of
being in control of my being-my soul.
When Hunger goes away, feelings of self
hatred and disgust creep in. I want the
Hunger to stay as a true friend would
so I call my other friend, Senokot
aka lax to fix the only Hunger I know
-Apr 29'98
No food will crawl into my mouth
Just fluids of coffee, water, and tea
I keep my mind busy with doing things
Playing cards, reading, or exercising
Anything to take my mind away from food
Noon comes and I say "What the heck?"
Tomorrow will be my perfect day
My hand is magnetized by the food
I eat until my energy has run out
Next day comes and goes blurry
I still haven't had a perfect life
Frustrated with my lost control
Over the one thing that empowers me
I soon realize that I'm not worth it
The effort to be perfect in every way
Takes my soul to be ripped apart
Faced with decisions of sacrifice
I try and take the easy way out
But I find myself back where I started
Where the authority, so powerful
Makes my life into a cycle without knowing
I be my own worst enemy
Until I learn that perfect can't be found
-Apr 19'98
