so disoriented
I just want everything...
the pain...
to go away,
disappear,
fade away into darkness,
never to be seen by any
human form again.
I don't understand
these feelings.
I don't know how to
deal with the emotional pain.
It's like my mind
goes in circles,
circles of dust.
Dust particles representing
my most inner fears
of life.
The direction I want to take
blocks me into a corner of
meaningless creatures
ready to bring me into a
decision that I will
regret forever.
I just want the cycle
to stop,
the pain to fade into
oblivion.
I just want to die,
get this cycle
out of proportion
so I won't have to
think in circles.
everything,
making me do weird things.
I have to stop it before
it ruins me.
The only way,
only solution is for me to die.
I don't see a way
out to freedom.
My only freedom
I see is darkness,
where I don't have to
think about life...
what purpose is in life
and how to go about
such hard decisions.
If somebody finds this
after I end my pain,
please understand.
I can't handle the pain
any longer
-Apr 4'98
