Darlene
My fascination with food started when I was 14.  My oldest sister, Laura had anorexia.  I could see her bones protruding from her skin.  She had so much control.  I watched her, fascinated with what she had.  She knew how to control her food intake and the exercise she did!  I started reading about eating disorders 'cause I knew she had anorexia.  That's how it started. 

I got up one morning and decided I needed to be on a diet.  I weighed 125 lbs, height-5'6.  I figured I wanted to lose 15 lbs.  The magic number was 110 lbs at the time.  I never really did eat breakfast before, but I started that day.  I had cereal for breakfast, went to school, came home and made myself a bowl of rice.  I would do exercises for one hour, then would have supper.  I quit eating meat.  I would tell my family that I was going to the store, but in reality I was jogging at the school playground.  It gave me a high to know that I actually could do this!  I was eating a little bit every six hours, nothing in between.  I stopped eating junk food.  Two weeks after, my family was noticing and told me, 'You look like you've lost some weight'.  It made me feel good.  As soon as I was 110 lbs, I started to lose control.  I would eat a bag of chips, then feel guilty.  I said to myself, 'ok, I could eat some junk food, but everytime I do so, I'll take  a laxative'.  That's what I did for awhile.  Then it became two or three laxatives. 

A few years later, I was in foster care.  I was 16 years old.  I stopped taking laxatives.  A funny thing happened around this time.  My foster mother, Linda, told me that soon when I get older, I'll be fat like her.  I said no way I won't.  So, then I started taking laxatives just after I had some junk food, that's about it.  I was in control again.  Soon, I started eating anything in site!  Then I would take 3-4 laxatives to make up for it.  This happened during my babysitting jobs in my foster mother's sister's house.  I was so disgusted with myself.  Especially when I couldn't throw up.

I was on the Internet w/people who had ed's as well.  This is where I would spend my time during school hours.  Someone called out my name.  I looked around.  My counsellor and Linda was there.  They wanted to talk to me about my eating and sleeping habits.  The cousellor asked me questions like, 'Are you eating?' 'Do you throw up?'  I was like 'Yeah, I'm eating.  No I don't throw up.'  I was wondering what they were getting at until she asked,'Are you taking laxatives?'  I was shocked.  How did she know?  I burst out crying and at that point Linda left the room.  'Yeah I take laxatives, just to control my eating'  I was referred to a nutritionist and I also started seeing a therapist.  They said I had an eating disorder, but I denied it.  I was also clinically depressed.  They put me on Prozac, but it didn't help so I stopped taking it.  I started acting suicidal, so they sent me to a psychiatric hospital.  I was there for one week, I think.  I can't remember.

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