3/7/04
Well, sorry for the lack of posts.  I've been pretty busy the past couple of weeks.  As the information that's on my front page implies, my dad passed away on Feb. 20.  It was a massive stroke brought about by diabetic ketoacidosis and some previously undiagnosed arterial sclerosis (hardened arteries).  My older sister found him at his rented cabin.  She's an RN and she did her best to revive him as did the EMTs that arrived later, but it was no use.  There's was no way to be sure how long he had been gone before she arrived.  I got the call right before work and within 4 hours I was booked on a 6 a.m. flight for the next day to get back home.  Nothing can really get you ready for the experience of having to make final arrangements for parent or loved one.  Plus I don't like to be consoled.  Kind words are nice to hear at times, but not when you lose a parent.  No words can comfort you.  Words are meaningless at those times. My favorite line: "Well now he's not hurting anymore."  You know what?  Unless you suffer from crippling, mind-numbing, constant pain; I think you'd much rather be alive.  Most of the time I was home I didn't have much to say to my family or anyone else.  The most I probably spoke was to my father on Sunday morning when they set eveything up at the funeral.  It was funny to learn that my dad had wanted a viking funeral just as I do when I pass on.  However, I was able to pick out his coffin and help with the preparations. 

That Sunday my family and I went to view him.  After awhile my mom and sisters stepped out and left me alone with him.  They all knew without asking that I wanted to talk to him, which I did.  When someone close to you dies, there are always asome feelings of guilt about something in your relationship with that person.  My sisters were beating themselves up about not being there sooner to help him and my mom was racked by guilt because she felt their separation in Dec. led to this.  For me, I regret being so far away from my family at times.  After I spent some time and said goodbye, my family and I had to go make more preparations for his funeral that coming Tuesday.  The pastor asked if we would like to say any words.  My older sister said she would go if I would and I said okay.  She wrote a nice poem and as for the the words I spoke, they are written on my front page.  I thought it best to keep it simple...my dad would've wanted it that way.
That's really all I want to say about it.  The one positive thing we managed to accomplish after he passed is to find a good home for his dog, Shadow. 

I really don't have much else to say.  I've sort of lost the urge to write.  I have to focus my time now on finding a job and making plans for my future.  I have a good idea of what I would like to do, but I'm not sure things will come together in time.  Anyway, I am glad to be back and it was good to see everyone this last Saturday.  We linked 3 Steel Battalion setups and had a blast.  I imagine we'll have pics to show soon.  Take care everyone, and I'll post back up soon.  
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