I am writing you today in regards to the wonderful universe you created during the days shortly following my birth...Star Wars. I realize you receive letters all the time on this subject, but I feel you should take special notice of this one. I am, like many out there, a fan of this universe and all the wonders that lie within it. The epic struggle of good versus evil. The diversity of the worlds and their cultures. The struggle within ourselves to do what is right and what is needed. You should take great pride in what you have achieved with your creation and how it has evolved. It is one of the largest, most sucessful franchises in history. But unfortunately George, this universe of yours is in trouble, much like the Rebel base on Dantooine. Let me try to explain.
You see George the last two movies, Episodes 1&2, well how can I put this gently...they sucked. They sucked it long and sucked it hard. Sucking like that is ok when you're with a lady, but not so good for those of us that bought tickets for a movie experience that was supposed to take us deeper into that beloved universe. There is a loooooooong list of mistakes, George. Here are the highlights:
1. Jar Jar Binks and the slap in the face to all Jamacians;
2. Killed off Darth Maul, one of the coolest characters of the franchise;
3. The 'ol Ewok, I mean Gungan, battle against the Trade Federation. Sticks and stones against tanks;
4. Metachlorates? Is that like Force Herpes?
5. Amidala, don't talk baby. Go stand over there and look hot;
6. Casting for the leads. Stupid little kid and Justin Timberlake...what the hell?
7. Teen angst and teen love. Star Wars meets the WB.
8. Droid armys. Can't anybody hire real soldiers? killing droids...yawn. Fighting people...yay!!!
9. Alot of forgettable characters. Not enough personalities.
10. What the hell are CP-30 and R2D2 doing here?!
So you see George, you've got an uphill climb to redeem the primary story arc that made you the man. I'm not sure you can do it with Episode 3, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Now I would like to talk to you about something that could concieveably bring the Star Wars universe back to its former glory. It is an amazing story set long before the time line of the current movies. No there's no Yoda (sort of). No cute, loveable creatures...unless you count Wookies. No teen angst. No racial stereotypes. And ALL the characters are pretty interesting. It's called:
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic or Star Wars: War of the Sith
The story takes place roughly 4000 years before Episode 1. There are Dark and Light Jedi everywhere. Currently the Republic is in a losing battle against the Sith and their leader, Darth Malak. Our hero literally wakes up in the middle of this war and finds himself bailing out of a doomed Reublic ship to the planet of Taris where he must help find and rescue an important Jedi named Bastila. He's not too sure of his past or what is going on around him, but he he is a master of many languages, skilled warrior, and strongly connected to the Force somehow. While on Taris, he will gain allies in the form of a cute Twi'lek, Wookie, a Mandalorian merc, and droid as well as a cool ship to travel in. After rescuing Bastila, our party heads to Dantooine to rendevous with the Jedi there and plan the next move against the Sith. That's where the true quest begins. You find that our hero quickly becomes a Jedi, and powerful one at that. He is also troubled by "visions" of past events involving Malak and his former master the Sith Lord Revan. It turns out Revan was "apparently killed" during an attack by Bastila and due in some part to a betrayal by Malak. Now, this "new" Jedi and his group are tasked with finding an ancient device that can turn the tide of the war. All the while they are hunted and pursued by Dark Jedi, Malak, and bounty hunters. Eventually our hero will struggle with a past he never knew and the new life he has found. A choice between the Dark and the Light. And a galaxy's fate that rests with his decision. Can you feel it George? We know Anakin becomes Darth Vader in Episode 3. But what will happen in this New Trilogy (yes, George, you can make this story into a trilogy too)? That will be the question that brings them all back to the theaters. Not to mention HUGE lightsaber duels between the Sith and Jedi. All the cool Force powers being used, a journey to Wookie central, a loveable assassin droid...you name it, it's got it. Yes George, you can even have a little love triangle between Bastila, the Republic soldier Carth, and our hero. Love, betrayal, adventure, the epic struggle...and did I mention HUGE lightsaber duels?
Ok George, there it is. A Star Wars story that will be truly new and unique for today's generation of movie-goers. Something they can truly call their own. And a return to the Star Wars glory that once was. If you screw this one up George, you're fired.
Sincerely,
Darth Bob