RELEASE DATE: 1988
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
You know the story, Nancy assists these kids (who are locked up in a mental ward) against Mr. Krueger's dream assaults. She helps them find their dream power in which they use to defeat Freddy. Freddy is a real bad mutha in the movie slicing and dicing while serving up hilarious quotes left and right. The movie was awesome, awesome, awesome...can't say it enough. Plus the film served up a fitting and sensible death for Freddy when his bones were buried. He went out with a bang...not a fizzle. So my question as humble as it may be is...
WHY THE F*CK COULDN'T THEY HAVE LEFT IT ALONE???
The dirt over Freddy's grave was still fresh in 1988 when they served this heaping pile of tripe. Some say Part 2 Freddy's Revenge was bad and I agree it wasn't the best of the series. However, it wasn't nearly as horrid as this flick. And now my friends...it gets it's just deserts with an in depth profile by yours truly.
First thing to point out, yes I am aware Dokken supplied the theme song for The Dream Warriors. Yeah Dokken, the 80s hair band that brought you such wussy classics as "In My Dreams". Laughable as it may seem, the soundtrack for this movie makes Dokken look like Morbid Angel by comparison. Allow me to read some of the musical credits...
Vinnie Vincent Invasion: You know...that dude who filled in for Ace Frehley in KISS at one time.
Go West: Wussy 80s band that sang the song "King Of Wishful Thinking" often heard on Muzak systems.
Divinyls: Yeah...the "I Touch Myself" band.
Dramarama: I saw them recently on VH1 on a "where are they now" type show.
Sinead O'Connor: Yeah the pope picture ripper.
and perhaps my personal favorite...
The Fat Boys: They sing a song called, "Are You Ready For Freddy"...I think I'm going to be sick...
Sure, there are some rock names like Love/Hate and Billy Idol in there but still...that doesn't make up for the f*cking Fat Boys and Sinead O'Connor does it? Does IT? Didn't think so. The movie begins with one such wussy song. Matter of fact, there is a song every other minute in the movie. Hardly any creepy background music, just one gigantic music video after another. It was the late 80s after all and MTV culture had gone way too goddamn far.
The song starts to play and we get treated to a biblical quote from Job. "When Deep Sleep Falleth On Men, Fear Came Upon Me, And Trembling Which Made All My Bones To Shake". Ok...so anyone who has seen any of the Nightmare movies know thats pretty much the premise. I could remotely understand throwing a biblical quote at the audience in the first movie. So why now? What isn't there to get about a guy who kills people in their dreams that we didn't understand already?
Credits start to role on cue with the vocals; a little thing we call riding the post in the radio business. Talk up the song and stop talking when the vocals hit. By the way, the annoying song "Nightmare" is sung by one of the lead actors, Tuesday Knight. Hmmm...wonder if thats her real name...if it is someone somewhere should have stopped her parents. Isn't that a crime to have a name like that? More on her later...
This gives way to someone drawing something in chalk. Turns out its one of the creepy kids in all white who sing the Freddy song. She is approached by a blonde woman in all white as well. The girl is drawing a picture of a house next to the boarded up house from the first movie. The blonde asks the girl if she lives there and the girl says no. The blonde then asks..."Where's Freddy". You know, because although she had no clue who's house that was she immediately knew to ask if Freddy was home. Well the girl replies Freddy's not there with a little tee hee giggle. She moves her hand to reveal a cute little child's portrait of Freddy in the house's window.
So...perhaps one question people were asking in 1988 was who the f*ck is this blonde woman? Well, a few paragraphs ago I mentioned Tuesday Knight. Turns out she is filling in the shoes of Patricia Arquette who had the role of Kristen in part 3. I can see why too...they are both blonde...about 5 foot something...only problem, Patricia Arquette can act.
Moving on, rain hits rinsing the girl's drawing away. Blondie runs in to the house and looks outside to see the children singing the Freddy song. In the house she sees a kid's bicycle falling down the stairs. She goes through the door to see the same thing. Um ok...I suppose thats scary. The door closes behind her again and finally she introduces herself by saying, "Be calm Kristen". I imagine the audience on opening day in 1988 saying all at once, "Oh ok...so shes supposed to be her...ok." Shutters bang, glass breaks, wind blows and we see a shadow of Freddy's hand on the wall. Turns out the shadow is just a tree rubbing up against the window outside. Yeah this is definitely more terrifying than Kristen's dream in part three about a rotten pig and a giant Freddy gumming her up.
Some wind knocks her back into a room with chains swaying in the wind. At first I thought she was blown on to the Hellraiser set but the infamous boiler shows up. She hears the nails on chalkboard scraping Freddy is known for and yells out for Kincaid and Joey from part three who are actually cast returns. Kincaid wakes up with his dog near by and is thrown into Kristen's dream. He informs her she is "one spooked chick" and Joey shows up as well. They are obviously pissed at her for ruining their rest. Then with all the acting skills she can muster, Kristen lets us know that Freddy is back. The boys reassure Freddy is finished and Joey proves this by showing her the boiler and noting that the pipes are cold.
Um wait a minute...so when was that the only prerequisite for Freddy being around? I mean what about the creepy kids singing about him. Or the boarded up house appearing in the dream? No wonder why Joey wasn't allowed to talk in the third film. Onward...Kristen looks in the boiler to see nothing but then out of nowhere Kincaid's dog jumps from the it and sinks his teeth into her arm. All of them wake up and Kincaid spots blood in his dog's mouth and across town Kristen has blood on her arm. So about the dog...we'll cover that more in a few paragraphs. Its really stupid...
Cue up another music video sequence of Kristen driving. The music shuts off when she gets out of the car. She rings the doorbell to come face to face with a Mr. Johnson. He shrugs her off and some scrubby looking chick tells her Rick will be down shortly. This new girl would be named Alice by the way played by Lisa Wilcox. Not a bad actress but not the best either. Rick works his way from the top floor through a window and informs us its "avoid all contact day" for their father. This guys is pretty funny huh...don't worry because he gets to be your comic relief for a good portion of the movie. Rick is apparently Kristen's boyfriend or something.
So the kiddies arrive at school and are greeted by David Coverdale of Whitesnake. Well actually its Debbie with about the same hairdo as the 80s rocker wearing spandex, a halter top and a leather jacket. She points out a jock by the name of Dan Jordan who is "one major league hunk". He walks over to them and Alice informs him of what a hunk he is. Turns out Alice is only imagining this event. This happens to be a major time killing device in the movie that they put to good use. Alice daydreams something and is interrupted by real life around her. Its kinda like when Garth in Wayne's World did his "Foxy Lady" routine for the chick behind the counter in the donut shop. Just nowhere near as entertaining.
But oh the nightmare is just beginning...click here to go to page two...