Aw F*ck It Script Move - Its getting late, the movie is going nowhere, so lets just change some minor crap and hope the viewing public won't notice. Oddly these moves are the things that usually the public notices.
B-Movie - A rare species of movies that can often be found unrented at the local video store. To spot this rare type of film look for the following; a monster on the cover, the title spelled out in blood, a person with an assault weapon on the cover, etc.
Campbell, Bruce - A big chinned pure genius of an actor. He is know primarily as Ash from the Evil Dead series although he has done many other great roles. Hes had more quotable lines than everyone in Caddyshack combined.
Christmas In July - Why should we have to wait til December for awful Christmas movies. Why not bask in the sun and take on some of the worst X-mas cinema with a spiked egg nog in one hand and the remote in the other. That was my mentality going into this idea.
Fodder - People who never had a chance and end up getting killed in the movie. Most of the time they can be spotted early by the some of the following characteristics; horny teenagers, minorities, smart asses, etc.
Halloween 3 Time Update - A method in which the exact date, time, and possibly the holiday we are seeing in the movie at any give point gets plastered on the screen in computer type. Mostly infulenced by Halloween 3's over-use of the method.
Hole In The Wall Rule - In crappy movies if there is a hole in the wall discovered, there is ALWAYS some evil sh*t going on one room over.
Holy War Update - An idea that came about when I was watching The Kiss. Holy folks often appear in horror films along with evil so I figured why not keep a running score of the good fight. This feature does not appear in every review, only the ones that pertain to the concept.
Its The Innards That Count - It originally started with the saying "its whats inside that counts". You know, that crap they tell you in elementary school that never holds up in the real world. I changed the wording around a little and it became the section in reviews where I cover the most gruesome/odd moments.
Magical Creature Turn And Wink - A very popular movie ender in in 1980s cinema. The last scene features one of the magical creatures turning, looking into the camera, and winking.
Movie Cover Alert - This feature is used to alert the public about misleading cover art. An explanation always follows about why the cover is guilty. As The Who once proclaimed, "We Don't Get Fooled Again".
Mutant - Often sited in B-Movies, these folks are much different from their normal origins. For example, a human with three arms, a dog with three heads, etc.
1980s - I grew up in this decade and have many fond memories of it. My brother first introduced me to horror movies during this time and it has stuck with me ever since. Thank you big brother.
Narration Rule - If any film begins with a text or audible narration, there is bound to be something, somewhere in the plot that is really stupid.
NOVA Narration - Nova was a nature show that can be described as warm milk for insomniacs. Shots of nature mixed with monotone naration was the basis of the show. Stuff like it can be seen/heard in many B-Movies.
Nuclear War - If a movie takes place in a bleak future, 99% of the time the 'big one' was the cause of society's demise.
Old Mentor Rule - If an old mentor appears in a film, no one will really pay attention to any of his warnings.
Profanity - This form of speech is used exclusively throughout many reviews. I first learned it from my parents although they may deny that. If you don't like the use of it...please p*ss off.
Quigley, Linnea - A scream queen who could never keep her clothes on in horror films. Her hay day came during the 1980s with her most memorable role being Trash in Return Of The Living Dead. Since I am a huge fan of 1980s horror you can expect to see her name mentioned here and there.
Rogue Reviewers - I joined up with these fine folks in April of 2005. We specialize in taking on cinema that most turn up their nose at. Every two month we have a themed review called a Roundtable. We also have a web zine magazine called Rogue Cinema. If you haven't joined the fan club go there now to find acceptance in our little world of bad cinema. You won't regret it.
Talisman Rule - If a mystical talisman appears in a movie, more than likely it will...
1.) Be more harmful than good or 2.) Disappear after the first use.
Toys - Small objects that children play with, that kill people, are funny. This happens to be one of my favorite genres of films.
They're Coming To Get You Barbara Stare - A stare in which evil folk in movies give a menacing glance to their future victims. Named after the infamous Night Of The Living Dead Quote.
The Undead - The dead folks or animals that come out to eat human flesh or brains. Often spotted rotted and moving very slowly. Often can be knocked off by destroying the brain, not that the characters in the film ever take advantage of it.
Video Rule - If a person with a secret is killed off in a movie, they will more than likely have a video tape of themselves that begins with something like, "If you are watching this, they have gotten to me". This is generally follwed up with clues about their secret.
You're A Grand Old A-Hole - I've never seen a review site reward movie characters for being assholes. I like mainly the bad guys in films so I figured it was time their achievements in assholeness was recognized.
Zombie Theme Music - Often heard within the confide of Italian zombie movies. Very mean sounding and mostly heard when people catch the undead bastards mutilating a victim.