4/28/07 - I recall renting Pirates Of The Caribbean Curse Of The Black Pearl. when it first came out on DVD. My wife really wanted to see the flick and my interest was perked as well. We�ve both been a fan of Johnny Depp throughout the years and we knew regardless of the plot, he�d at least put on a great show.
Well after an hour of watching, my wife called it quits and I made it through the movie thinking it had the �Ok� factor written all over it. It was a good flick to watch while shoveling popcorn in your mouth unconsciously.
Fast forward years later and somehow my wife had a rejuvenated interest in POTC. I think it was more or less based on her fascination (if you will) of Mr. Depp and his dreadlocked hair. This is when we both took in POTC COTBP (she finished with a new found interest in the film trilogy) and POTC Dead Man�s Chest.
I have to admit I felt a bit wish washy towards the end of the second one. Plot wise, I couldn�t figure out what the hell was going on. From the really odd soul gambling Yahtzee based game to Davey Jone�s heart in a box I really felt there was some desperate stretching when it came to the plot line. Still, it was a popcorn movie worth spending 2 hours on.
Where am I going with all this? I�ve always found it amusing how movies try desperately to base a movie on a game, TV show, or in this case a five minute theme park ride. As we come up on the end of the POTC trilogy, which will be hitting theaters soon, one has to wonder what Disney ride will be exploited next. The Haunted Mansion idea has already been wasted so what are the film companies to do?
Who will carry the torch into a new age of cinema? That and what ride will give us a forced 2 hour plot line to follow? Could there be a light at the end of the Disney rideploitation tunnel�hmmmm�lets explore some of my ideas.
Carousel Of Progress
In the Disney ride, Tom Morrow is your guide through major advancements throughout the early 1900s until modern times. The happy story of how we advance as a society is accompanied by the catchy tune �Theres A Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow�.
However in my demented Hollywood vision, I see the tale as a much darker one. Lets say I the world advanced a little too far, especially in weaponry thus causing a major nuclear war. Aliens would then take over the earth thus enslaving the remaining humans. The film would contain the tagline �Maybe it isn�t such a great big beautiful tomorrow after all��
Tom Morrow would pretty much fulfill the role of a reluctant leader. A man devoid of any joy and aspirations for the future. In a harrowing scene, he shaves off his infamous mustache as a symbolic return to roots. He leads the last surviving humans in a revolt against the ruthless aliens and quickly realizes that things �could in fact be better�.
However before Tom Morrow can fully get his optimism of the future back, he must confront someone; himself. Tom finds out there is an evil clone which has taken his place in an alternate dimension where the world is perfect and his family still survives. He must decide at this point if he wants to live in reality where the world must be rebuilt or in the pseudo world in which he knows all around him is fake.
The bang up climatic ending could very well shout �sequel� where the tagline could be �It could very well be a great big beautiful tomorrow..�
Its A Small World
Taking another dark turn in Hollywood, I see this film along the lines of a Children Of The Corn kind of film. However the twist is now its on a global scale.
The endless children�s singing causes most adults to either pick up guns and shoot themselves or jump off the highest points in their land. This opens things up for the children of the world who battle for supremacy. I figure the world conquests could consist of school yard slug fests, chicken fights on the monkey bars and high stakes jacks battles among other ideas.
In an inspiring subplot, the language barrier is broken with a little girl�s ambition to overcome surmounting odds. Will she be able to restore peace and prosperity to the broken world? Will earth ever thrive again under the guidance of a new order? I�m on the edge of my seat just thinking about it.
The Hall Of Presidents
In my vision, the boring atmosphere of facing our former and current presidents can be toppled with a Running Man type feature film.
The premise of the film is in the year 2040, America will be a nation without a superpower status. With it�s government fallen, the poor and desolate look for a leader. A leader who will be tough to bring down and one to restore the good ole U S of A to it�s rightful place as an unstoppable force. Scientists unearth all the former presidents and clone them using their DNA. In a no holds barred battle across the nation, the presidents will take each other on in a death rules battle until one is left standing.
Highlights can include Lincoln�s ironic sabotage attack on Teddy Roosevelt in Ford�s theater. Perhaps a Washington Vs. Grant battle to decide who was the better wartime general turned president. The biggest draw would more than likely be Ford vs. Bush Jr. in which they continuously toss a grenade back and forth at each other for twenty minutes not realizing they need to pull the pin on it to make it work.
Perhaps the future of theme park ride movies isn�t in jeopardy after all.
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