Should I Go? #1

If I died, would you even know?
Just one little bullet, one single blow.
What am I to you, except a pain.
If I were dead, you would probably gain.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Should I go on to see another day?
I'm confused, my life's a mess.
With death, comes no stress.
Would anyone even cry?
I bet all eyes would stay dry.
Sometimes I wish I could end it-
If death was meant for me...
I wish God would send it.

Why? #2

Why do I always wanna die?
Is it because this world is full of hate?
Why do I always cry?
Is it because no one bothers to see my inner beauty?
Why do I always cut myself?
Is it because I would rather have physical pain than inner pain?
Why do people always leave me by myself?
Is it because I am not a pleasant person to be around?
Why do I always cry myself to sleep every night?
Is it because God took away my only love?
Why is it, when I'm sad I always grab the knife?
Is it because I want to be with my love again?
Why do I always make the wrong decisions in my life?
Is it because I want attention?
Why do I always start the fight?
Is it because no one understands me?
Why do I sometimes make myself hurl?
Is it because I would rather be hungry?
Why am I such an unhappy girl?
Is it because I have gone through so much pain when I'm only 14?
Why am I about to kill myself?
Is it because no one bothers to listen to me?
Why are the lights getting dimmer?
Is it because I'm about to die?
I guess so...

I loved you #3

You broke my heart in two
Why did you?
Shows how much you knew
I loved you
What�s wrong with me?
Why can�t you see?
The beautiful girl I am
And accept me
Please give me a chance
To show you
What you mean to me
I can show I am better than she
Your gorgeous smile
Lasted for a while
But my feelings for you
Are more than a mile
What can I do to get you?
Notice me and see that I love you
And patch this broken heart of mine
And see me shine over time
I don't know why,
Why I feel this way
Memories of us together,in my mind they replay.
I guess what I'm meaning to say is Reuben
I still love you and I'm sorry for
Feeling this way!

It'll take time for me to accept,
But until then, I will pretend...

PLAYA #4

Everyone told me
Not to go out with you
Since you were a playa
And you would play me, too
You told me it was alright
You said not to be scared
Because you truly loved me
And because you cared
Each day you would hold me close
And say you'd never leave
You said I would never hurt
And I would never grieve
Then without a warning
You said that we were through
I don't know what went wrong
I just didn't have a clue
Then you say you wanna 'mess around'
And you confess you still feel the same
That you just weren't ready,
But I was just a pawn in your game
Later on I found out
You flirted with my best friend
You thought I wouldn't know
But I was told everything in the end
When you said it was all over
I thought that I would die
But I'm so over that
Because everything was just a lie
I sacrificed a lifelong friend for...
A love that lasted fifteen days
I regret all the things I did
I regret my hurtful ways
So you think you're so good
You think you're 'tha man'
But you're just a boy
Who thinks that he can
Now I know you really are a playa
And you're just one of those little pricks
You'll never really have true love
But good luck with them easy 'tricks'

Silent Cry #5

Do you ever feel alone
Like there's nobody there?
Even though there�re people around you
You feel that no one cares
No one wants to listen
No one has a clue
They just go on with there lives so what should you do?
Suicide ain�t the solution
Neither are drugs
They don�t solve anything-
The cure lies in a hug
Don�t let dreams fly away
Hold them in your clutch
Remember this little thing in life
That makes life mean so much

Watch Me #6

Watch me as I die
Watch me as I torture myself
Watch me as I throw away this life of mine
Watch me draw the razor line
Now you can laugh
Now you can sing
I was always a thing
Never your daughter
Never a girl
Well there I go in my room
Sitting, thinking, cutting, dieing
Same old routine the blood pours
But I do ignore
Screaming, crying, dieting
You were always complaining
How you were never part of my life
Well guess what you have a big role in my life
You are the one that brought me the knife
You are the one that caused me the shame
You are the one that gave me this fucking pain
But most of all you are the one that KILLED ME
I hope you are happy
Since this is what you dreamed
You never wanted me
�Why can't you be just like she�
You said as you hit me
Well that was all bullshit
So
Watch me as I cut
Deeper and deeper
Watch this show
Cause mommy guess what you get tickets for the front row
Now you can cheer
Now you have nothing to fear
Cause one less daughter
Your life is fixed

Laying There #7

This is it
Time to go
Leave this fucked world
With one blow
You know I never really had a friend
Nope not one
No one ever cared about me
No one gave a shit
The candle which was once lit
Has gone blown out
It goes slowly
Gets dimmer and dimmer
It reminds me of me
When that line goes across my wrist
I clench my fist
I sat there feeling the blood
Run, run down my arm
I lay on my bed the tears flow
And the scars show
And then it hits
I know
It's time to go
My eyes close
I rest my head
And the blood still flows
I have 2 words my last words
Bye, bye
See you soon in HELL
You son of a bitch!
I will be there
Waiting, waiting
Hating, hating
Well there I go resting on my bed
This is what you said
This is what you wanted
Oh there goes the lights
And those teary nights

I Hate You #8

I hate you, I hate you!
You don�t know how much I hate you
You don�t know what you do
Just the things you say
You make me wanna stab you
I wish you would just go
Leave this world
I wish you were dead
Go shoot yourself in the head
Get a knife
And waste your life
And don�t call to me when you�re in strife
You were a mate
But now it's pure hate
I get so angry inside
You used me
Then you lied
I sit there thinking
Why are you doing this?
Was it because of that 1 kiss?
I wish you would fuck off
I wish all your family would die
And then you would cry
I wish you lost your will to speak
And grew a beak
I hate you I hate you
I wish you could feel this pain
I wish you could feel this shame
I wish you could feel everything I am feeling
You wouldn�t be able to handle it
You would blow out the lit candle
Now join me in death
As we can die together
If I go
You go
I won�t give in
I am determined to win
So die in hell bitch
I will be there waiting
Waiting for my revenge
And guess what baby I am gunna get it
And every day that you live
I will be your nightmare
Cause you know that I will be there
I will be your fears
And I will bring those tears
Cause what you did I will never forgive
So keep on doin what your doin
And watch me die
I mean it's not like you would care
You wouldn�t cry
This life ain�t worth livin
I hate you, I hate you

Broken #9

Rip my heart out
Kill me inside
Slash my wrist
Pray to die
Cut me open
Pull me apart
Tear out my heart
Rape me
Leave me
Hate me
Beat me
Leave me lying on the ground
Saw and bleeding
Never found
One life
One wish
One last time
I wish to die
Kill me mo now
Kill me please
Why are you torturing me
Helplessly
Carelessly
Left broken hearted
On the floor
Sitting on the street
Broken and torn
My soul has been drowned
Drowned in you blood
Under and under
Deeper and deeper
You own me now
You are the keeper
Of the 1 life that was killed
Killed by your jealousy

This life isn�t worth living anymore
Theres nothing left
Except my pain
And my tears
Left broken empty in despair
Help me find air all these years
I have been living in shame

By myself
Hoping that I will be rescued
Rescued by death�.

Once up on a time #10

There was once a little girl
She lived so innocently and happy
She was like any normal kid
But in 2 minutes that was all gone
And in 2 minutes so was her mum
She saw it happen as she hid under her bed
She saw her mum sitting there dead
She watched her dad beat her against the wall
She watched her mum fall
She saw the knife
And the life that was taken
She couldn�t cry
As she had to hide
She curled up in a ball
And preyed
Over and over again that her mommy would wake up
That her daddy would leave
Nothing happened
She heard the last words of her mom
�Run, run�
She heard silents as she waited
Her fingers went numb
Then she heard it
Foots step coming closer and closer
Her stomach turned
She knew there was no way out
Except to death
All went dead quiet
She thought he had gone
She peeked out from under the bed
But oh, had she thought wrong
He grinned an evil grin at her
And grabbed her by the arm
Then she knew there was no way
She could escape his harm
Now this little girl is grown up
As she made it through that night
That night she will never forget
The night when god was never real
The night when she couldn�t even squeal
That night�
This girl is a friend of mine and since then
She has been scared for life�
And has NEVER told anyone her secret
But no-one will ever notice as she acts so normal and happy
But it is always there in the back of my mind�.

To My Dearest One #11

You�re the one and only that affects my life
You�re the only one I truly trust
You�re the only thing that is alive in my world
And the only thing that is real
You mean the world to me
Why can�t you see?
That we can work things out
I would not know what to do
If I lived this life without you
I would be lost in this place
This cruel, cruel world
Without seeing you beautiful face
Please don�t do it
Please don�t go
Give me the knife
Don�t take your life
I remember when we were little you used to hug me so tight
I would just feel so happy and hope we�d last forever
We would stare at the stars at night
And talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up
Well that was all fake it�s all gone
The only place we are gunna be when where grown up
Is 6 feet under!
Now where looking at the stars
Knowing that we might not make it far
Please hold on because if today is to late
I wanna say
I love you
For everyday you're not here I will be cutting myself
Every hug that you�re not giving me I will be hurling
Everyday you�re not smiling at me I will be be crying
For everyday I can�t look in your eyes I will choice death as my fate
As the tears slowly run I watch you die
Do you do this on purpose to torture me?
I sit there you as you fall asleep
Hold you tight in my arms
Please don�t do it
Theres not a day that goes past
When I don�t think how much I love you
And how worried I am about you
I wish what we had would last
But we�ve grown up so fast
Don�t say it's to late
This is not apart of your fate
My life just begun when you walked in
You keep my world turning
Once you go my world stops
And so does my life
If you ever went I want you to know
That I would go as well no doubt about it
I would not go on to this world with out you

I Don�t Know What to Do #12

I don�t know what to say
I don�t know what to do
These feelings inside
Are they for you?
I want to love you
I want to try
But I�m scared it will be a lie
I want to say yes
And if I loved you why is it so hard
I feel like I was meant to be with someone else
My head wants you so bad
But my heart wants him
Will you be mad?
Why am I so fucked up?
I just want to look you in the eye and say 3 little words
The same 3 little words that caused me so much pain
What the fuck?
I am going insane
I wanna break down and cry
I I just wanna die
Those 3 words you said to me I was so stuck
Pfft�just my luck
You said you loved me and I couldn�t say the same
I was full of shame and I said thanks
Now you know what�s going on!
I broke your heart broke your dreams
Your whole life was crushed it was gone
I will never forget that face you made
But I should be saying you will never forget me
I am the girl that ripped you apart
The girl that made you feel you had no heart
I am the girl that caused you to do it
I made you jump off that bridge
Made you fall
You didn�t even hear my call
And now you�re gone
What�s there to say?
Except I took you for granted
Now you have gone to your grave
And it�s all me to blame
If you hear me I have one word
And that one word is I am sorry!
I don�t want your forgiveness
I just want you to hear it
But what I can�t ever say is that
I love you I am sorry

*Suicide won't kill us...Love will!*
-Stevie

My Way #13

Kill me now
Help me die
Stick a needle in my eye
Torture me
Kill me
Sit and watch me cry
Pull me down
Drown my soul
Give me the gun
We could have some fun
Slit my throat
Cut my wrists
Pull the trigger
Don't miss
Then kill me with your deathly kiss
Tie the noose
Don't make it loose
Short and sweat
Nice and neat
You want me to cry
Your gonna have to try
Even if you rape me you'll only here a sigh
Tie me in chains
I'm used to this pain
Tear me apart
I never had a heart

*Suicide won't kill us...Love will!*
-Stevie

Forgive me, Forget me #14

I want to tell you
I wish you knew
Why can�t you find out?
I just want to shout it out
I shouldn�t have lied
I want to get in a hole a cry
This lie has gotten to big
And I didn�t realize it would turn out like this
So please forgive me
But don�t forget me!
When you find out
I know your going to hate me
I wish you would just understand
Just see
If I could turn back time I would
I would change everything I told you
And everything you knew
It�s ok if you can�t forgive me
But please don�t forget me
But it�s too late
So this poem is dedicated to you
The one who
I lied to
The ones love I once had
But broke his trust
And ripped apart his heart
If you can�t forgive me
Then please don�t forget me
Because I know you can�t even see
The pain I went through
Just for you
But I still want you to know
I will always love you
Even if you do go
I know it�s all my fault
And I�m the one to blame
And believe me
For that I feel ashamed!
If you do find it in your heart
To forgive me
I'll never let you down
Everyday I will wipe away your frown
So to everyone out there
Who really cares
About someone special
Don�t lie
Because the truth will come out
No doubt about it
And then you will feel the pain
That I feel
When you know you have to say goodbye
Just cause of one little stupid lie
You walk away
Without being able to look them in the eye
And knowing you have lost them forever
And you two will never be seen together
That�s when you feel you could die on the spot
That�s when you know your heart has been broken
Or feel you have just been shot
It�s the feeling of losing your best friend you ever had�
-I love you! I hate you!��I don�t even know you!-

-Stevie-

Regret #15

What have I done
It was all a bit of fun
Until it went to far
Now look where I am
I did it to fit in
I don�t know why
I regret it
I wish I could die
Why me?
I�m all alone again
Know one to help
With this pain
I�ve lost my life
I�ve lost my future
I�ve lost you
There�s not a reason live
My life is a blur
I wish I could take back time
Why can�t everything be back to fine
I was stupid
I didn�t realize what I was doing
When close my eyes
All I see are lies
I�m not who I thought I was
I�m not who I used to be
I�m not the girl in the picture you see
Don�t hate me
I�m sorry

*Broken Future�Lost Dreams�.Kill me by all means!*
-Stevie-

Untitled #16

Is this real
What I feel
I can�t stop thinking about you
It's just everything you do
I think I�m in love with you
My feeling so true
Does it have to be this way
You don�t see me
You don�t like me the way I like you
And if only you knew
I would spend everyday
In the rain
I would go through so much pain
Just to be with you
I would do anything to see you smile
I would die
A thousand times
Just to hear you say those words
If you don�t already know it
Baby your amazing
You make everyday shine
Everything seems to be fine
For everyday where together
I hope it�ll last forever
There are only a few
Just like you
That�s why
I love you

*Broken Dreams�Lost Future�Kill me by all means*
-Stevie

Maybe #17

I thought I knew you
Maybe someone cared
Maybe you were special
I was silly to think I had a friend
It was all so pretend
You broke me
You choked me
And then stabbed me in the heart
You pulled me apart
Did you think I wouldn�t find out your lie
Maybe if I jumped off a bridge I could fly
Maybe if I stabbed myself I wouldn�t bleed
There I would be lying beneath you feet
I hope you wouldn�t be able to sleep!
I told myself not to trust you
And I was right to
It was to late..
Maybe it was fate
Was I was meant to get hurt
Will the pain I feel
Ever heal?
Because now I�m,
Lying here on the floor
Torn and broken even more.

*You can�t hurt someone unless you mean something to them*
-Stevie

Lost #18

Lost in a fake world
Living a phoney life
Broken soul
Secrets untold
How could you be so cold?
You tore me apart
You broke my heart
Messed up my dreams
My heart in chains
My soul in shame
End it now
This terrible pain
I lost my heart
Years ago
You didn't hurt me
You cut me deeper
But that�s ok
I�m used to it
You stole my heart
And then you broke it apart
My life is fear
Without a future
Can�t even shed a tear
Each day is torture
I�m alone
Alone in this world
Gone under in you blood
Drowned in your pain
I�ve gone insane

*You can�t hurt someone unless you mean something to them*
-Stevie-

The Way I Feel #19

Everything about him
Is just so amazing
He lights up day
With what he has to say
His everything I�ve wanted
He is my dream come true
What did do?
To find him?
When I�m in his arms
I feel nothing can harm
When I look in his eyes
It feels like nothing else is alive
When our lips kiss
It�s that I miss
When I�m not with him
I want to die
I'll just break down and start to cry
Why does he like me?
What does he see?
Why does he care?
Maybe it�s all just a dare
Each time I see him
I struggle for air
And my eyes can�t help but stare
Maybe we will last forever
Maybe we won�t
Maybe he�ll break my heart
Maybe it won�t fix apart
Whichever..
Even if where not together
I just want to say
Thanks for making me feel this

*Broken Dreams�Lost Future�Kill me by all means!*
-Stevie-

Broken Dreams #20

When I was little
I had so many hopes and dreams
Anything was possible
Well that�s the way it seemed
I thought I could become someone
My life used to seem like so much fun
Now when I lay here in my bed
I wish I was dead
I can't sleep at night
Awakened by those thoughts
I sit and cry
Why can't I die!
Broken dreams
Lost future
Kill me by all means
Give up while you�re young
Life�s just game
It messes with your head
You�ll all end up dead
Or in jail
Everyone is just a fail
Welcome to my fairytale
You can't become famous
You�re too skinny
You�re too fat
You have a pimple
You�re just plain and simple
Strangle yourself in your ambilicle cord

Brush your teeth with razorblades when you�re bored
Tie a paper bag around head
Let�s play dead
This is so fun
Let�s get a gun
It�s already done!
C�mon join in the fun!
Wake up
A Dream's a Dream
If it's not real
It doesn�t exist�!

*Broken Dreams�.Lost Future..Kill me by all means!*
-Stevie-