Over With #1
You took my heart, you stole it,
And it hurts, because it's split
This life I just wanna quit
It'd be so easy just to commit
I would be scared, I admit
To step in front of a trust and get hit
Is not such a hard idea to submit
And my reason? It is legit
My heart and soul are just a bottomless pit
Right here, alone, is where I sit
In this life, I don't even fit
So pass the blade and lemme get it over wit
Written By:
Ali J
I See the Darkness #2
Did you ever open your eyes and see nothing but darkness?
I shout mutely,
Screaming in silence,
With knife gashes and silver blades.
I take a walk in my head,
Wondering if you�re around.
But I�m thoughtlessly thinking,
Of how you loved her,
And you are with her,
And I am alone.
Surrounded by nothingness,
In a lighted darkroom,
With light switches that don�t work.
Dropping to my knees,
I look around blindly,
And see what I saw,
From the beginning of the beginning,
To the end of the end.
And it was over,
But you were still there,
Or that�s what I thought.
With a switched off brain,
Like a short circuited light,
Doesn�t work properly.
I never thought I�d be this easily complicated,
Never before in my endless future or beginningless past,
Did I ever see thought the darkness.
Did you ever open your eyes and see nothing but darkness?
Because now I have.
Written By:
Ali J
I Can't Stop Loving You #3
I can�t ever stop loving you,
No matter what the fuck you do,
Even with the hate you spew,
It�s impossible for me to stop loving you.
No matter if you push away,
Even it�s till your dying day,
Whether it comes in March, April or May,
So stop wasting energy stop pushing away.
There�s so much love and so much pain,
Involved in this life, this game,
And every time I hear your name,
It�s one of those words, that causes pain.
Everything around me, reminds me,
Of what you are and what you could be,
The end, for you, is coming quickly,
Things I see and hear remind this to me.
I hate the way you say you don�t care,
I hate the way I know it�s not fair,
I hate how I can�t change that my heart has a tear,
And even though you don�t, we all care.
I can�t ever stop loving you,
And I hate it when you tell me to,
I can�t fulfill what you want me to do,
I can�t ever stop loving you.
Written By:
Ali J
I Just Need Somebody #4
It�s fucking hard without you here,
There is no way I will ever get through this on my own.
And I feel this with every tear,
And sometimes the best way to do this is not all alone.
I just need somebody,
I just need somebody.
It hurts so much to think about.
I just need somebody,
I just need somebody.
And it hurts; this I do not doubt.
When things get rough,
You�re supposed to get tough,
And I can�t help but give in.
I resort to pain,
And I�m thinking with strain,
And there is no way I can win.
I just need somebody,
I just need somebody.
If you�re pained to see,
What you see when you see me,
Then turn the other way and don�t look.
But if you care at all,
And don�t want to see a friend fall,
Then hold out your hand and step past the brook.
I just need somebody,
I just need somebody.
It�s fucking hard, without you around,
And without help I can�t do it.
But if you come and pick me up off the ground,
To you I will commit.
I just need somebody,
That somebody could be you.
Written By:
Ali J
The Not-So-Perfect World #5
Sometimes I wonder
Why I�m not perfect like them
I sit here and think
Why do they condemn
In their wonderful world
They think they�re essential
Normal is out-casted
They don�t got potential
The thought of it sickens me
Brings me to a terrible place
Where all people do is disagree
So I sit in disgrace
Leave me alone,
Why do u push me aside?
Hold me in you arms
Leave me to die
Sitting on the roof
Knowing what I want to do
The slits are proof
Of everything I�ve gone through
You don�t know shit
Why are you judging me?
Back the fuck off
Life�s not a guarantee
They seem so perfect
But underneath it all
I can climb, and they can't
Over that wall
They sit in their ruined world
Asking where they went wrong
They realize and remember me
Thinking it was ME that didn�t belong
Leave me alone,
Why do u push me aside?
Hold me in you arms
Leave me to die
So ask yourself
Are you so fantastic?
That you�re above the rest
Or are you attached to elastic
Bouncing back
Over your own tracks
Thinking of all
The unknown facts
Who am I?
Do I belong?
Will I fit in?
Where did I go wrong?
Leave me alone,
Why do u push me aside?
So hold me in you arms
Or leave me to die.
Written By:
Ali J
Ron Jon SURF Shop #6
Why do I have to wait for YOU to come and pick up the pieces?
"All is fair in love and war," why can't I pick my own god damn heart
off the floor? Tear-filled vision has never stopped me before, but this
time I wanna be the one to walk out the door.
Whatever you say, however you act, it ain't gunna change my love for
you, and that's a fact. I know you hate me, and I know you don't care,
but no more will I pretend, or cover up this eternal despair.
No more are you by my side, I've cried-I've died-all because you lied.
And yet somehow I must go on, although you've withdrawn.
I'll still love you tomorrow, no matter what tears you away, no need to
beg or borrow, on this dreadful, heinous day.
Ali J
Fairytale Ending #7
Try to sum up your life in a word,
See if you truly know who you are.
Are you really as free as a bird?
Or are you trapped like road kill under a car?
Underneath the everyday smile,
Are you who you thought you were?
Are you unhappy? Do you feel guile?
Numbed by pain; the hurt like murder.
Every day the same old shit,
Ali J
Does it ever end?
Will you ever be truly happy?
Or will you just break from all the bends?
Who says dying is best?
Do you really want to sit out this last dance?
I�m sick and tired of being sick and tired,
I want to stop wanting the end.
I awake from my life when I fall asleep,
But morning comes, and again, I pretend.
What�s one more fake smile?
What's one last false act?
No one will even notice,
My actions will have no big impact.
I�m so worn out,
From this lifetime of sadness.
And I want to end
All of this madness.
Driven #8
Everyday
Like the last
Same old thing
Moves so fast
Spinning round her
Lost in depression
Everyday like the last
In perfect succession
Things she sees are different
Then what she saw before
Making her feel as if
It wasn�t taken n tore
Her heart is shredded in pieces
Lying below his shoe
And she knows he doesn�t feel the same
When she says �I love you�
There�s nothing to grab onto
And when she does she�ll lose
Nothing safe or innocent
To end her life, she�ll choose
As she writes a letter
To ones who lived before
She tries to explain her choice
That she couldn�t live anymore
The pain that ruled inside her
Took each and every bit
And tore her from the inside out
Enough to make her commit
This act she chose to live by
Is what will bring her end
The act is what she�ll die by
Her heart cannot b mend
Her last deed of innocence
Is to look him in the eye
Tell him everything will be fine
And that she will not die
But little can he see
That he tore her insides out
He took what was left of the innocent girl
And now she has no doubt
Her heart is cold as stone
And her words they turn to knives
No longer can she take the pain
As judgment day arrives
She feels that life is not worth living
As pain consumes her every thought
Every word she thinks to say
Is ridden with distraught
Everything around her
Spins as if to say
�You are not welcome�
And it happens everyday
Everything is moving
But she is standing still
The no longer innocent girl
Falls from her windowsill
As she falls she sees their eyes
Gazing into her soul
She�s not sure if it�s regret
But now it�s out of her control
She wishes it had not come to this
That everything had changed
To be an innocent girl again
And not be so deranged
But he took her heart
In his sweaty palm
Finally giving in
Her senses began to calm
�He would never hurt her�
She thought at very last
But little did she know
What was in his past
This was not the first
He had driven someone to
Do something like this
As her love for him grew
She thought he was so wonderful
And that she was so blessed
And when she was in his arms
She no longer felt depressed
But how innocent was she
To believe in a perfect man
When every sign told her
To get out, while she still can
She ignored every signal
And continued with this boy
And didn�t do a thing
As her insides, he destroyed
Falling, looking at the stars
She realized it would be her last
Time to see them twinkle
Before she was in the past
And falling from that window
Was the last act she ever commit
And the last sound she ever made
Was completely and utterly legit
She screamed and cried
And then one last time
Said �I love you�
In perfect sublime
Of course he did not hear it
He wasn�t around to see
Her last moment on this earth
But finally she was free
No longer held down
By him or any other one
She began to rise
Her new life had just begun
Now she was finally free
And could start anew
He heart began to mend
And her life she could construe
And although around her
Things continue to whirl
She is part of the motion
As an innocent little girl.
Ali J
Smile #9
To my own funeral
I know what I would wear
I�d be dressed in black
But you wouldn�t see me there
I�d be watching from above
Or maybe from below
Or maybe standing in front of you
Or sitting in first row
Not many people would show up
There�d be many empty chairs
My funeral would be small
And not many would say prayers
My insides are screaming
As I watch the last person fade
Why was I so hated?
I feel so bitterly betrayed
I feel like calling out to you
Although you wouldn�t hear me
So all I do is sit and cry
Remember how you used to cheer me
But as quickly as I left
From memory I�ll fade
As I sit alone on my grave
I wish you would have stayed
Soon I�ll be forgotten
Lost and disappeared
Being all alone
Is the one thing I always feared
As you walk away
Slowly and with sorrow
You take one last glance
You won�t return tomorrow
Forever on my own
This I know is true
I am completely alone
There is nothing I can do
Simultaneously filled with sadness
And with hostile rage
I sit on the cold, hard ground
Left to perpetually age
I am completely helpless
As I watch the wind blow by
I can either sit here like this
Or in black darkness in the sky
How quickly life can turn around
When you least expect it
I never thought it�d end like this
But nor did I correct it
As Creed so nicely put it
In a song without any breaks
�I�m looking down now that it�s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes�
I�m so confused
When did this all occur?
I never meant for you to walk away
I never meant for this to concur
My mind continues to spin
Always wishing to turn back the clock
But now it is too late
My heart will no longer unlock
Put away for eternity
In an inviolable place
Because too many times
It was shattered in my face
So won�t you look for me
At my place of rest
That�s where I�ll always be
And anyone�s a welcome guest
Please don�t shed a tear
I�ll always be with you
And it�s better this way
After all that I�ve been through
So at my own funeral
I won�t be wearing black
I�ll wear the rainbow in the sky
So please, for me, smile back
Ali J
Beginning Of Death #10
So I sit here
Thinking
And contemplating
Where our friendship died,
How it started
And why.
When was it
That the first petal fell
After turning brown
Thinking the world is hell.
You were my water
My breath of life
Snatched from under me while I slept.
You couldn't even tell me
To my face.
But we both felt it
And helplessly began to fall
From our tall tower
Of friendship.
While the rest of the world
Watched in awe
And cowered in the corner
We lost our grasp.
Our once entangled arms
Dangled
Freely in the air
Flailing about
Without something to grab.
Something about the feeling of
Complete vulnerability
Wholesome emptiness
And the pit in your stomach
Brings tears to eyes
And sickness to the back of your throat.
But throwing up an already empty stomach
Seems completely pointless.
And this time it's not only about you.
So I'm going
Back to the beginning
To the first time
I reached for you and you weren't there.
The bitter cold immediately consumed me
And sent chills down my spine
Making me shudder and pull back.
I thought I was mistaken
But I was too scared to try again.
The thought of a falling petal
Was too much to bear.
I began to silently gasp for air.
Slowly
But surely
This is what killed me
Killed us.
The beginning of death
Is a harsh, cold place.
You're dying from the day you're born.
But you saved me
Kept me afloat
And suddenly...
Dropped me.
I tried to help myself
While you watched,
Full mouthfuls of water
Filled my lungs.
I flailed
And kicked - I tried to save myself.
But without you, I was nothing.
Just a crack in the cement path of your past.
You stepped over me
And immediately forgot me.
So when I return to the
Beginning,
It's hard to pinpoint
The first vicious act.
You were so subtle
I didn't know what was happening
Until it was too late.
So sitting here, contemplating
Is a waste of time
And energy
Like turning on the air conditioning when the windows are open.
And in the end
I don't know how it started
Or why.
I never could figure you out.
Ali J
A Moment Too Late #11
You brought me up so high
I thought it'd never end
Made me feel like I could fly
You were more then just a friend
I really thought we had it all
That there was something there
Now you watch me as I fall
And as I gasp for air
You watch me as I choke
Because you do not know
That every word you spoke
Shot through me like an arrow�s bow
With every word I speak
I try to deny the fact
That to me you�re so unique
And without you I�m not intact
I try to be easygoing
Acting like I never cared
All the while knowing
That without you I am scared
I don�t know when I fell for you
But the moment you spoke of her
That�s when I knew
What my feelings for you were
But now it�s way to late
You�ve already made up your mind
I guess we�re not soulmates
You�ve gone and left me behind
I miss you more than ever
I feel it everyday
Our ties were suddenly severed
As you slowly walked away
The worst part of this confession
Is that you think our friendship�s strong
But behind this smiling expression
You don�t know that something�s wrong
I cannot tell you now
How much I envy her
Because everyday you allow
The hurting to occur
I cannot tell you in words
How much my insides hurt
I know it sounds absurd
But this is my alert
Without you I will fall
Past everything meaningful to me
But to you I will not call
You�ll no longer be my guarantee
I have to survive on my own
You won�t be there anymore
I�m going through this alone
You�ll soon find me on the floor
Within the depths of depression
Is where I will have to stay
Leaving a scarred impression
To my own dismay
You know nothing of how I feel
And I wish that I could tell
But for now I must conceal
And fake a smiling farewell.
Ali J