The Firehurler
With the ever-increasing desire for magic in this modern world, many are looking to the Wiccan craft. For what you must ask, I’ve never seen a “modern witch” hurl a fireball, do any damage to a person with her developed talents or the like. So I developed my witch hunter device. How would you like to have streams of fire erupting from your palms, burning all in your path, causing reams of destruction?

This cruel harsh world and our evolution has not seen fit to give us the divine gift of self producing fire, let us burn those foul and accursed, twisted and evil, more man than woman, yet claiming femininity. They must burn upon the hellfire’s of thy palm, go forward, slay the heretics, slay the pagans, our safety and that of those we desire and need depends upon the staunch moral strength of our minds and our improved bodies.

To gain this most divine gift and to properly use it one must not use much meditation or incantations as those hell spawned witches are fond of, we must us human ingenuity, and technological might, thus we need to prepare our path with gadgetry of sophisticated levels. Thou my apprentice shall need to seek out our artifacts to create this master weapon, as part of thy quest thou shalt be required to use whatever methods of acquisition thou deems necessary, legal or not it does not matter, thy life does not depend upon a few scraps of coin.

Gather to thyself the following artifacts: A mini butane torch about the length of half thy forearm (full), flint the stone that helps produce fire, a mouse trap, a drill either electric or manual it does not matter, a suitable drill piece a fraction smaller than the butane torch, an open fire, a rod of metal the same size as the drill bit and local anaesthetic(optional)

Once these mighty artifacts are in thy possession gather thy wits about thee for your trials shall begin.

Place the metal rod into the fire and wait till it is almost red-hot. Take up the drill and make it ready to drill, if thou hast chosen the anaesthetic inject it now into thy arm that you wish to have thy divine fire spew forth from. Once that is done take up thy drill and ready it, place it against your palm, in such a direction that the hole will travel straight down thy arm. Commence drilling to the depth of the torch. Quickly remove the drill piece from the wound and place the rod into the wound. Then remove that after the wound has been cauterized. Insert the Butane torch into thy arm where it will be able to be turned on with ease. Then affix the mouse trap in such a way that any time that it is activated it will stick the flint and cause a shower of sparks, then attach it to thy hand.

If thy craftsmanship is of sufficient nature then thou shalt be a privileged owner of the divine fire with which to combat the heathens, go forth my apprentice, go forth firehurler, seek out havoc and war, send many a witch into hell where the heathens belong, be guided by the might of technology.