Wow, has it really been over five months since I last wrote anything for this story??!! How time flies! Thank you for all of you patient enough to wait (and more of a thank you for those who wrote to me and wanted to know why I was such a lazy ass). This chapter isn’t all I wanted it to be, but it was hard to come back to a cold storyline after almost half a year, even after rereading all I’d written before. Hopefully the narrative isn’t too off base compared to my earlier efforts. Sorry again, for taking so long!
Youji breathed in deeply, the only motion that of his chest rising and falling as he slept. Aya couldn’t get enough of the sight, and his fingers itched to trace down the same smooth skin his eyes did their damnedest to absorb into forever. It had been two days and Fate was still just saying “soon” and continuing whatever it is she was doing to assure them a victory. Not normally one to disclose information, it was all Aya could do to keep his mouth shut about the plan Fate had for him. In the morning light the day after their initial discussion it had all seemed like so much crap. Continuing discussions with Fate yielded the same result. If nothing else, Fate at least was thoroughly convinced that another person’s death was the only way to end Ko-Ishi’s life. He’d even stopped in to grill One-Eye about it on one of their many supply runs.
Letting out a deep sigh, Youji rolled towards him, stretching his arms and back before lapsing back into motionless against Aya’s side. A few days and he’d never see this again. Death didn’t phase Aya, he’d reconciled himself to the idea years ago when he’d first joined Weiss as an assassin. He hadn’t had as much to leave behind when that acceptance first came about. If he’d been killed in the line of duty, Kritiker was set to continue care of his sister for as long as she needed it. Now the only things he’d be leaving behind were Youji, Ken and Omi. The latter two would be greatly missed, parted with as dear friends. Leaving Youji behind was another story, and one he was still doing his best to keep as far from thought as possible.
He hadn’t been doing much sleeping, to make up for Youji’s less troubled nocturnal habits. Why waste your last few hours with your eyes closed, doing nothing? The small hours of the morning gave him the solitude and silence required for deep introspection. During the days when everyone was up and about it was getting tense, too many sardines jammed into a tiny tin, every moment a potential explosion.
Fate and Youji spent more time than Aya could approve of on the porch working on the cancer habits none of the rest of the household was particularly interested in indulging in. When they weren’t shivering outside the back door, they were inside, smelling of smoke and radiating aggravation.
Ken persisted in following Omi from room to room, waiting for any sign of one of those reoccurring headaches. He didn’t want Omi to go with them on their last ditch attempt at Ko-Ishi, didn’t trust Fate in the slightest bit. He’d ranted any number of times at both Youji and Aya regarding his deeply seeded mistrust. It didn’t matter. They were going through with it anyway. The internal momentum seemed to have gone down the tubes, and beyond Fate’s option, they didn’t seem capable of coming up with anything better.
“Like sheep to a slaughter.” He startled himself by whispering the words aloud. He could only hope that he was the only one designated to die. Aya himself didn’t put too much trust in Fate. Just because their goals currently coincided, didn’t mean the mutual directions wouldn’t eventually come to a disastrous parting. She was a powerful woman in her own right; Aya had seen her in enough fights to know that. If she were to go after the remaining three while they were still off-balance from Aya’s own death… Just another thing to be put out of mind.
“Mm, you say something?” Youji’s words were sleep slurred as he pulled one of Aya’s arms around him for warmth.
“No. Go back to sleep.” He tucked Youji’s head under his chin, shifting until they were both in comfortable positions. Granted, it was impossible to sleep in the same bed with him and not get that cumbersome plaster cast jabbed into his ribs, but he was willing to work around that. For the few days left, he wouldn’t dream of complaining.
Bare hours later as he rose and headed for the shower to start yet another hopeless day. Youji didn’t even stir as Aya climbed out of bed. Why would he? He was warm and comfortable with no reason at all to be anything else but. He made the shower quick. Just one more waste of time. Out of all of them, only Youji would be happy to die in a shower.
“You still ready?” Fate met him in the kitchen, perched on the counter with a cup of coffee.
“What do you think?” Aya poured a glass of orange juice, standard breakfast fare.
“Tommorrow night, if Ko-Ishi give go ahead.” She set her empty mug in the sink and hopped off the counter. “Your blonde boy put out all misleading information. All inside sources of mine say that Ko-Ishi laughing us off, getting ready to move onto new fronts. I send him personal message, tell him is time for show down between he and I. Is retaliation time for bad thing he did in the past. He probably already suspect that I bring you all along for ride; he plan accordingly and bring out big guns, many, many killers and whatever he think is needed to bring all us down. In few hours time, you call Ko-Ishi, you tell him that you really just want to trade your safety for the one person he really want out of us all. Tell him you going behind my back, want to screw me over. He leap at chance. Ko-Ishi stupid for such an old man.”
“How-” He paused, gathering his thoughts until the right words would come without hitching sentimentalities. “You have a phone number to reach him at, right? How can you be sure he‘ll take the bait, that he‘ll plan things the way you say he will. What if he has some other location he wants to meet at, one we don‘t know anything about? Are we going to be able to plan around that?”
“Is no use making plan, Ko-Ishi just barrel in with no ideas in head. We must do same. Only way to catch him off guard. We meet on rooftop.”
Aya refrained from making a Youji-like comment on the lack of wisdom involving locale. Falling off a roof by accident. What a way to end it all. “Which rooftop? There are a lot of those in this city.”
“Rooftop of The Tower. Meleeke main building. Is Ko-Ishi’s territory, so he let guard down further. No big plan, things all predestined. It fall into place when need be. All we do is keep the goading going, keep his anger growing. He make the first move, and when time is right we both rush him.”
Sighing, Aya twisted chilled fingers around the condensation dewed glass, looking for answers in the pulpy orange drink. He wouldn’t criticize her lack of planning. He’d done little better going after a false trade for his sister with Ko-Ishi. What happened after that miscalculation would always be one for the books. “How to Fuck-Up for Dummies”, the only really fitting book title.
“You really believe it will all come together like it should? Have you ever seen something like that work before? Personally seen it?”
“Yes.” Certainty backed her simple affirmation. Not bothering to offer any further answer, she walked past him, towards the main hallway. “I wake all now, we get ball rolling.”
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“We just want a clean break, that‘s all. You’ll guarantee our safety if we give you what you want? Kudou and that stupid woman?” Aya met Youji’s eyes as he spoke into the telephone receiver. “Of course.” A derisive reply to a question voiced through the phone. “Tomorrow night.” Another terse confirmation. He couldn’t know for certain whether or not the strain showed on his face as he drew the conversation to a close, Ko-Ishi’s deadpan delivery of all expected mockery grating on his nerves.
The one-sided conversation visibly put Youji on edge. Aya seemed a little too in character, a little too willing, even falsely, to re-negotiate a contract with Ko-Ishi. “So, tomorrow night for sure?” The nonchalant way Youji peeled away from the counter behind him was blatantly false. His eyes kept sneaking back for one more look at the cellular phone Aya carelessly threw onto the counter.
“He sound eager, no?” Fate grinned in her usual eerie way, more amused by the concept of allowing herself to be sold out than anything else.
“I don’t like this at all.” Ken crossed his arms, scowling at Fate. “You keep telling us of his omnipotent evilness, of his supposed centuries of terror. You think someone so big and bad would just accept our retreat-and-surrender at face value. Isn’t this a little simple to fool the likes of him? How likely is it that Aya and Youji will be calmly marching through his front doors come tomorrow night? Either you have a problem with exaggeration concerning Ko-Ishi’s crafty strengths, or you’ve just been outright lying this whole time to use us to further your own ends. Which is it, Fate?”
“Always so suspicious.” She threw her hands up into the air. “Why you think I give you all information I have and then leave real planning for you. You have chance to make operation as safe as possible.”
“So when the shit hits the fan we have no one to blame but ourselves. Good thinking.” Ken played the future hind-sight card for all it was worth.
“If you do a bad job, then yes.” Fate shrugged. “I leave all thought to big-mouth stupid right here. I go tomorrow night no matter your personal decisions.” She left via the kitchen window as usual.
“Ken’s right.” Omi flipped through the Xeroxed building blue-prints on the table. “None of the real concrete decisions have been ours since her appearance. We’ve defaulted to her advice while we were busy fighting amongst ourselves. Isn’t it time to go back to being Weiss. Kreuz, an efficient killing team?”
“What are our other options, then?” Youji worried at the edges of his cast as he spoke, trying to reach an itch that had been bothering him for the past fifteen minutes.
“Anything besides this hastily concocted, half-assed plot of Fate’s. Anything that doesn’t immediately put us all at risk. Are you ready to leap into unknown territory facing a man who can’t seem to die, with nothing but today’s useless research and planning?”
“Like I said, give me another choice: suggest something better and I’m all ears.” Sighing, Youji thudded his heel back against the wall behind him, a listless twitch. “I’m not going to move again, leave the country. Ko-Ishi is the only one who has beef with us personally. An ideal solution would be to eliminate Ko-Ishi and leave his organization to crumble on its own. Fate says she knows how to kill him and keep him dead for good this time around.”
“If she’s known all along how to kill him, why hasn’t she already done it? Why won’t she let us in on the wonderful secret?” Ken continued his railing, unwilling to accept anything from Fate at face value.
Watching Aya keep carefully withdrawn from the conversation, Youji started to tune out Ken’s endless nit-picking. “Look, Ken, there isn’t much else we can do right now, is there? You keep thinking on it, preferably inside your head, and let me know if you manage to generate some useful input, or a secondary plan of attack. Believe me, if you come up with something, I DO want to be the first to hear it, but this endless harping won’t get us anywhere.”
“So we’re going to keep taking her word and railing endlessly against Ko-Ishi? How many supposedly ‘final’ runs have we gone on? How many times do we have to waste our time and energy mounting assaults only to show up and find Ko-Ishi gone, or never even there to begin with?”
“I’m going tomorrow night, regardless of your participation. If t his is yet another failed attempt then we have little choice but to move on. If we’re being used, there are worse ends to be abused for. You can’t deny Fate’s own assistance has been particularly useful in our time of need.” Mouth drawn in a tight line, Aya kept his eyes trained on Ken’s face until he’d won the staring contest. “I’m tired of running. If we have to trade in our hard earned independence for a life on the run, we might as well put in for one last lethal effort.” His voice went dangerously flat towards the end.
“Can we talk for a second?” Youji brushed quick attention-getting fingertips against Aya’s forearm.
Aya tilted his head, regarding Youji with patient expectation.
“I meant privately.” His eyes darted towards the two onlookers, then back to Aya’s face.
Letting out his breath, Aya pushed his back from the wall and left the kitchen, trusting Youji would follow. Stopping at the base of the hallway stairs he turned, waiting for Youji to reach him.
“What has she told you that she won’t tell us?”
“I’m not following you.” Aya brushed messy bangs out of his face, oblivious to the specific line Youji’s eyes made, tracking his every little motion.
“What are you keeping from me, from us? I know you. I know when you’re up to something. Tell me.”
For a moment he thought he‘d open his mouth and the words would come swarming out, unstoppable and damning. His shifting gaze settled on Youji cast and the need faltered and died. He‘d failed Youji too many times, this would be the last. “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing my ass.” Rage made Youji’s hand clench around Aya’s upper arm as he turned to leave. “Why do you always do this? Why do you always have to hide things from me, act like I’m not capable of understanding anything you have to say?”
“Some things just can’t be explained, not just to you, but to anyone. There are things I have to do out of duty, just because they have to be done. You’ll understand when this is all through with. Maybe you’ll think back and thank me.”
“Aya, you’re scaring me.” Tracing the dark circles beneath violet eyes, Youji mapped the tired lines on Aya’s face, searching for a sign. “What did that woman talk you into doing? You’re not going to go kamikaze, are you?” A short bark of laughter followed that seemingly implausible suggestion. Aya didn’t smile back. “Oh, don’t tell me you’re serious! How stupid can you be? What are you trying to prove? Did it ever cross your mind that you can’t make-up for past actions by being a fucking idiot and killing yourself? What did she say to you?”
“I’m going with her tomorrow night, to kill Ko-Ishi. Either you’re with me or you’re against me, but I’d appreciate it more than you could know if you’d go and back me up.”
Youji snorted in reply. “How are you going to get through the doors without me? The whole point of the meeting is to hand me over once again, I sort of think he’ll notice my absence should I choose to decline.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Maybe. I want to hear more about what you’ve got in mind before I okay anything.”
“I always tell you as much as I can.” Mouth twisting downwards, he backed away from Youji’s gentle fingers, shaking hair out of his eyes again. “You have to understand, there are things I am required to do.”
“We’ll see.” Youji smiled, clasping Aya’s palm in his, gesture so surprisingly bereft of anything but affection, Aya had to look away. “Is it me, or does now sound like a good time for dinner?” Using the ‘ignorance is bliss’ method, Youji let the whole topic drop. “Want to see if Ken’s done bitching about Fate? Maybe we could all go out somewhere nice for dinner, sort of a last supper, good luck sort of thing?”
“Morbid but fun.” The muted smile that sprang up to mask Aya’s inner turmoil did Youji’s heart good.
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He lay awake, gently smoothing stands of Youji’s hair into ringlets around his fingers. It had been an enjoyable final evening, an hour spent laughing with friends over a table full of good food, all of them pointedly ignoring recent events and talking of things they had in common, plans for a future that would never come for him. Youji had waited until they got home to start prying for information. It was so simple for Aya to put on a façade of sheepishness, telling Youji as haltingly as he could manage that he hadn’t been thinking straight and he would not do anything stupid tomorrow. There he went, lying again. It was a wonder Youji was even alive at this point. He was so damned trusting. So fucking stupid and naïve.
He was so tired, Aya was unsure why he couldn’t sleep. He was glad he couldn’t sleep. The truth was, he’d grown unbearably attached to Youji, the proclaimed relationship of convenience slowly morphing to a relationship of need, of give-and-take. It made his chest feel hollow and cold, thinking of how Youji would interpret his actions at first. Youji would come around though, once their lives had settled down and Ko-Ishi was out of the picture. It was the least Aya could do to give his life for the peace of his friends. A life for a life.
“Mm, you still awake?” One of Youji’s arms wrapped around Aya’s waist, crushingly tight, the question mumble barely coherent against Aya‘s skin.
“No. I‘m asleep right now.” Deadpan.
“You nervous? Thinking too much about tomorrow night?” Youji rolled over onto his back with one hand sliding down and circling Aya’s wrist. “We’re the good guys, well, quasi-good-guys, but that still means we’re supposed to come out on top, beat the odds, right?” His free hand rose to rake tangled hair away from his eyes. “We’ve done it so many times before, gone against reason and reality and made it through.”
“Do you really think we’ll come through it all unscathed, or are you just whistling in the dark?” They both watched light patterns dance across the ceiling while Youji thought.
“How can the end result be worse than now? Either we all walk out in the end, having kicked ass and taken names, or we don’t walk out, ever. It’s all or nothing. I’m so tired of living like this, worried and paranoid all the time. I want my life back, our lives. I want that son of a bitch to just give up and die. Hell, to once again make the bad pun, we’ve got Fate on our side, how can we lose?” He forced a laugh, the sound ringing false and worrisome in Aya’s ears.
There was nothing he could say in reply. They knew the score. Untrue promises and reassurances would be just that, untrue. Why waste what could be the last few hours of his life lying? “Will you be all right? Facing Ko-Ishi again?”
“I did all right the last time he and I came face to face, didn’t I?”
“No. I seem to recall you being drugged out of your mind and your hand being crushed into a wrangled mess.”
“And who’s fault was that?” No rancor to the statement, just a flat factuality. “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me losing it and getting any of us killed. He may not be human, he may be hard as hell to kill, and he may be my own personal nightmare, but hey, I’ve faced worse. No biggie.” Youji brought their shoulders together, settling down again in the dark.
Aya shrugged, knowing Youji would feel the motion. He breathed lightly until he was sure Youji had truly fallen back asleep, carefully rolling over to once more study the still profile at his side.
He didn’t believe Fate’s explanation on every level, but to every statement there had to be a minute grain of truth, and if it took so massive an amount of effort to kill their tormenter it would end his own life as well, he would still do it. If it was to alleviate the sensation of guilt that twisted in his stomach every time he looked at Youji’s trusting face, or to play the martyr role he was so accustomed to, it didn’t matter. The end result would be the same. Ko-Ishi had taken his sister‘s life, his peace of mind, and the peace of mind of the few people left who mattered to Aya. His death would clear the slate once and for all.
The hours rolled on, four a.m. came and went, and eventually it was time for him to carefully extract him hand from Youji’s sweaty, sleep defiant grip, and head downstairs to make his peace with the day. This was the most time for contemplation he’d had before a willing suicide mission before. Usually death by combat was more of a spur of the moment thing.
“Hey.” Omi greeted him softy from the kitchen. “You here to take over the watch?” He smiled ingenuously, sleepy looking despite the steaming mug tightly clenched between his palms. “I sure hope so, because I’m beat.”
“Who was supposed to take over for you?” He frowned at the tabletop, wondering how their security could still be so lax after all the knocks they’d taken to prove it was necessary.
“I’ll give you a hint. It’s not you, Fate, or Ken.”
“We don’t have electricity. Without an alarm clock, did you really expect him to wake up?”
Grinning, Omi shook his head. “That’s why we gave him the last watch, we figured he’d just sleep right through it. He still seems so wiped out. But hey, if you want to take over instead, I certainly won’t complain.”
Without thinking, Aya waved one hand. “Go ahead.” An explanation hovered on his lips, some flippant disregard for his inability to sleep. The desire to elaborate passed. It usually did. Talking far too little was still better than talking too much. The things he didn’t want to say had less of a chance to slip out, unwelcome.
It was quiet, alone in the kitchen. He turned off the overhead light, content to sit in peace with the cool light of dawn streaking gray and lavender and finally gold across the counters. It was difficult to sit still, too many thoughts racing around, too many scared little voices screaming dire threats at the equally numerous, equally vocal little death wishes.
At moments like this, Aya regretted his standoffish nature. He had no one with whom to discuss the issues that plagued him, even it weren’t already too late, the morning of the big day. Youji’s answers would be pre-programmed negatives to anything that would risk Aya’s health. Ken wasn’t a good sounding board, and besides the point, Ken was Youji’s main confidant, as previously proved by the vast knowledge exchanges that went on between the two. Omi had enough problems of his own. The cut out the entirety of the inner circle. Outside of Weiss, he had no one. His gut told him Ko-Ishi’s death would right all wrongs, so he listened, despaired, and agreed.
It was surprisingly easy for him to stay awake. Contemplating an imminent demise did that to a person. He made a quick circle around the house once the stove clock had ticked forward a full hour. Fate slept on, sound as always on their sofa, and Youji appeared to be doing the same. It was still early, and Aya couldn’t bring himself to wake Youji ahead of time, even if only for a few moments of companionship. He had his palm on the door of the room Omi and Ken shared when the soft sounds within told him an intrusion would be most unwelcome. A moment of slight envy as Aya wished he and Youji were at similar activities behind the privacy of wooden doors, a worthwhile sendoff if nothing else.
Back down to the kitchen, more silent waiting. Another hour crept by and he started the coffee maker.
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Well, there you have it, the big Three-zero chapter. I'm hoping I can get the next chapter or two out in a much more timely fashion, seeing as there really can't be any more than one or two chapters more before the whole thing is finished up. This time I really mean it! ^__^ You know where to reach me, [email protected]