After the conversation with Cressida, Heero realized there was no way he could sleep. Now, instead of being plagued with pain, he was plagued with aburning hope that refused to disappear despite all the logic he tried to throw at it.

Truthfully, he didn’t _want_ to lose this hope. Well, he –did- if Duo was never coming back. But... but it was nicer to think Duo _would_ be. That
sometime, maybe even in the near future, he’d be able to smell his unique scent, touch his soft hair, look into his brilliant eyes....

Heero groaned and pushed himself up wearily, padding for the second time that night out of his room. He silently opened his door, seeing Cressida
dead asleep on the couch. Remembering her lack of heartbeat, Heero decided that the ‘dead’ part of that thought was a little too accurate and shuddered
inwardly. It was rather disconcerting to know he was harboring a living corpse....

Still silently, Heero grabbed his gun, finally turning the safety off, shoving it beneath his jacket. Slipping out the door with less sound than a
shadow, Heero made his way to the staircase.

/Oh I walk the night
‘Cause your head is gone from my pillow/

Why did it matter so much anyway?
True, Duo had been the first person to brave his cold stare, aside from Relena. But was that really such an accomplishment? The idiot had been too
outgoing for his own good. He ran into everything with a smile and never bothered to think what it could do to him.

What it could do to others....

Besides, wasn’t he being a little illogical? So Duo had been his partner most of the time. So he had thrown popcorn at him and told him he would
always be there for him. So he had always been willing to listen, to talk, to grin when Heero knew he could not. In the end, did that truly warrant
such irrational behavior as he’d been exhibiting the last year? Pining after a dead boy. Keeping his braid like it was some gift from the heavens. Remembering his death every night to keep his pain fresh.

To remind himself he lived.

<Doushite?!> Heero thought to himself in frustration, <-Why- can’t I forget him? Why did I decide I loved him so quickly? What’s wrong with me??>

A sudden thought made Heero freeze in a sudden panic.

<What if it’s a lie?> The voice was quiet in the back of his mind, almost soothingly intimate. <What if deep down you’re just upset you didn’t
complete a mission and convinced yourself it was something deeper so you had an excuse? If you truly loved him then you could say you’d never loved
before and it was a distraction. HE was a distraction. Therefore you couldn’t properly complete the mission and in the end it is Duo’s fault for
bringing those feelings out....> Heero swallowed, the world lost to his senses as he stared forward, unseeingly, straight into his conscience.
<What if the only thing you feel for him is companionship? Or even contempt? Hatred? Disgust? Denial...?—>

“Stop it,” he growled aloud to himself, shoving his hands into his pockets and hunching forward. With an intense glare at the ground that was more
fearful than frightful, Heero bowed his head to the wind and walked silently, wishing only for peace inside as well as without. And maybe an
answer to his question, as well...
Why?

“Why...?”

Cressida awoke with a start, her eyes wide as she clutched at a nonexistent pentagram necklace. Closing her pained eyes immediately, she paused a
moment to collect her thoughts.

She was so cold but inside she burned. Where her heart should be beating ferociously, pounding blood through her veins and sending a frantic rhythm
to her ears, she heard only silence. The station the tv had been turned to had long ago changed to static so the only sound in the small apartment was
a white background noise and the occasional honk of a horn from 8 floors below.

Cressida drew breath through dusty lungs and sighed heavily, ignoring the burn of recently unused lung muscles. Bringing a chilled hand to her icy
face, she rubbed at her eyes and pushed her hair from her forehead. The red-brown bangs fell messily back in place, obscuring her vision for a
moment before she pushed the rampant locks from her view. Pausing another brief moment, she slowly glanced over toward Heero’s room.

The door was open, a plane of neon blue light from the tv shifting through the shadows and partially revealing an empty bed. <Great. He left. What
if he doesn’t let me stay? What if he doesn’t trust me anymore...?>

The Dreamweaver narrowed her eyes and hissed a single word, “Shit!”, before dropping back on the couch and throwing an arm over her eyes.

Why couldn’t things ever be easy?

Why?

With a sigh of extreme frustration, Cressida pushed herself off the couch and wandered over to the bathroom. Inside she flipped the light on and
stood a few moments, staring at the dreary reflection that faced her. Dull eyes, deathly skin, scars that spoke of violence...

Narrowing her eyes, Cressida ignored her reflection and flipped the light off immediately. As she waited for her eyes to readjust, she spoke a soft invocation and prayer for accuracy. As soon as she could see again, she traced a straight line in the air with a straight little hook at the top that angled down to the right and another parallel to that line a little further down. Ass. The rune of awareness, of a power received and expressed mentally, The Creative ‘Mouth-piece’ or ‘god.’ Sheltered by the Element of Air, the Rune of Sacred Knowledge. (1)

Cressida focused the minute amount of energy and strength she had into the mirror and watched as the surface began to ripple like a pond splashed with
a summer evening’s light rain. Images began to coalesce and dissipate as her experienced and now thoroughly drained eyes watched dully.

In a soft voice that was as firm as she could manage at the moment, Cressida spoke to the mirror. “Oh Shamash, God of the Sun, Lord of the
Vision, Divine Creator of Dreams, I call upon your almighty knowledge to search the After Realm for a lost soul. He will consider himself ‘Duo
Maxwell’ and has passed recently by The Sandman’s actions. I seek his soul so that I may speak with his consciousness.”

Moments ticked by in silence as Cressida watched the forms shape and break right before her strange eyes. The moments turned to minutes and the
minutes to half an hour before she dared speak again.

“Lord Shamash, Divine Dreamer, I seek your knowledge in this event....”

Still nothing.

Cressida fought the urge to curse. Why wouldn’t Duo’s soul respond? He hadn’t completely passed from this realm yet, had he??

As the moments threatened to break the hour, Cressida bowed her head in defeat. “I thank you for your help and hope to continue to loyally serve
you for eternity. May the Powers That Be watch and guide you, my Lord.” Tracing a pentagram into the air that was centered on her heart, then
bringing her fingers to her lips in a light kiss she blew to the air, Cressida took a step back from the mirror as its surface seemed to return to
normal.

Disturbed, Cressida tried to ignore the fact that she had always gotten an answer before.

ALWAYS.

Even if it was a no....

The beat was intoxicating, willing all the listeners to lose themselves in a vibrating, living amnesia. The bass of the songs reverberated in their chests, sending shocks of molten emotions straight to the brain. The lights flickered with random color, sending sheets of neon tints onto the dancers as they moved together as one endless being. Sweat covered their bodies but no one noticed. Here and there a dancer flung his or her head back, a smile of pained ecstasy permeating his or her expression, willing all watching to join in the mindless joy.

At the edge of the dance floor, two college girls watched with very different stares; one of growing excitement, the other of cautious dread. “Let’s go back,” Cassidy whimpered into Rikki’s ear, forced to yell even at the close proximity just to be heard.

Rikki looked over with annoyance and shook her head firmly, “No. We’re staying. Just forget about that freaky guy from earlier.”

Cassidy grimaced. “There were 3! First the one on the street, then the one at the bar, and then the one on the dance floor. Just switching clubs isn’t going to change the fact those people exist! Come on, we’ve already been out for hours. Isn’t it time to go home...?” Cass eyed the dancers around herself nervously, clinging to her friend’s sleeve.

Rikki rolled her eyes. “We’ll stay here for two more hours, ok? Just two hours. After that, if you’re STILL not having fun, I’ll happily go back to
the dorm.” She narrowed her eyes. “But if you ARE having fun, we’re staying until they close or we’re falling over from exhaustion, k? There’s no point in having late classes if you don’t stay up late the night before....”

Cassidy looked around, her dull chestnut hair shining briefly in the colored lights before she lowered her head with a defeated sigh and nod.
“Alright... I’ll stay....” She looked up at Rikki with a sulky glare that was only half-mocking. “But just for you.”

Rikki smiled brilliantly and nodded. “Thanks Sid!” She ruffled her friend’s hair, who was grimacing at the pet name Rikki only used when she
got her way.

With a deep sigh, Cassidy turned and trudged to the bar, yanking out a stool. This was going to be a loooooooong night....

/And when the twilight shines
My eyes crash through the windows
'cause I sleep at night without you/

Heero sighed heavily as he found himself wandering back to his apartment building, wishing he had some other place to go, wishing he knew what was
happening with his life anymore. It was all so strange... like in a dream....

But he knew it wasn’t a dream.

It hurt too much.

Heero paused to look around, only then noticing that he had managed to find his way downtown. Crowds were beginning dissipate at the early morning
hour, but there was still a large amount of people wandering bar to bar until the last one would close. Occasionally when a person walked from one of those bars or even a nightclub, the sound from within drifted out in a cloud of sweat and beer. A prostitute was standing on a corner here and there, displaying her (and on rare occasions, his) body to the best of her or his ability. A particularly brave girl winked at Heero when he glanced her way and began to waltz toward him but he immediately glared and strode off.

A distraction, that’s all that would be.

Heero snorted. As if he didn’t have enough of those already between being obsessed with Duo and now Cressida showing up, trying to convince him of
some damn lie that they both knew could never be followed through.

A promise.

Another damn promise that wouldn’t be kept.

^^ Heero was surprised he had hit Duo as hard as he had and the American had still tried to wrestle him down. Why hadn’t he given up when he was hurt?
Heero stared at the bruises on Duo and tried to understand what was happening.

“Don’t be.” He was watching Heero intently, firmly, as if willing his strength to Heero, pleading with him to listen.

Heero was completely caught off guard at the intensity of Duo’s eyes and statement. “What?” he asked quietly after he blinked.

Duo smiled and his eyes softened, but they still held a promise deep in their amethyst depths as he watched Heero closely. “Don’t be sorry, don’t
be afraid. We’re here for ya, K? I’M here for ya.” He pushed himself up, moving awkwardly, before suddenly reaching out and ruffling Heero’s hair.
He was still smiling, his eyes were sparkling in amusement, but Heero could tell how incredibly serious he was despite his body language. “Always, OK?” His voice was soft, almost wistful, and Heero snapped his gaze back from Duo’s arm to his eyes, trying to see if his eyes shined more or if that _wasn’t_ unshed, inside tears he’d just heard in his voice. Unfortunately, Duo had already turned and was walking away gingerly, obviously hurt but still trying to hide it to spare Heero’s feelings. Right before he left the room he paused, glancing over his shoulder, his right hand on the doorknob, his left fingers loosely touching the doorframe. When he spoke, his voice was playful, cheerful, as if he hadn’t just been more serious than Heero ever remembered. “Think I’m gonna watch a movie tonight. Come down in a bit and I’ll let you help choose. We have about anything you could imagine...” Duo winked at Heero in amusement, “Even a Perfect Soldier with a Perfect Imagination like you will have fun.” Before Heero could react, the American disappeared. ^^(2)

The memory flitted from Heero’s mind as suddenly as it came, as fast as Duo had disappeared that day. Heero slid his eyes closed. That had been the
day he realized Duo wasn’t afraid of him, like everyone else. That he trusted him even though he didn’t deserve that trust from anyone. Especially not Duo.... Not the one mission he could never complete.

Heero grit his teeth and forced himself to keep moving, hoping he was going in the direction of home because he didn’t think he could pull himself out
of autopilot right then.

Just as Heero was passing a nightclub that looked like all the others, he suddenly stopped and whipped his gaze to the doors, guarded by a pair of massive bouncers. There wasn’t a line at this time of night but a few people were still trying to straggle in. As the door swung open and shut behind a customer, Heero was able to hear the intoxicating beat that seemed to vibrate in his chest even from across the street. He stared, dumbstruck, wondering what the hell was happening when suddenly a voice whispered in his head. A voice he knew all too well.

^^ A smile on cracked lips, dancing amethyst eyes, an amused, very NORMAL voice murmuring, “Oi, Heero... figures....” ^^ (3)

Heero narrowed his eyes and turned on his heel, angry. He had already run after shadows one time tonight, he wasn’t going to do it again. Duo wasn’t
in there. Duo wasn’t anywhere. He was dead. “_Dead_!” Heero firmly hissed to himself, stalking off into the distance as two bored bouncers wondered what the hell was wrong with that guy across the street.

Twenty minutes later, nearing the height of the dawn hours before everything would begin turning colors, Heero arrived at his apartment building again. He sighed and chose to walk the 8 flights rather than ride the damn elevator because he truthfully wasn’t in the mood to see Cressida’s rotting form again.

She wanted to give him hope...

The one thing he was afraid of anymore.

As he slowly opened the door, he hoped to find her sleeping still so he wouldn’t have to think anymore that night. <Just my luck,> he thought with
a sour snort as he closed the door behind him, <She’s still up.>

Cressida looked over at the sound of the door, trying to keep the disappointment and fear from her voice and face as she smiled and said fairly calmly, “Good evening... or morning... or whatever it is anymore....”

Heero grunted a soft, “Hn,” as he walked to his room and threw the gun and jacket on the bed. Cressida followed his movements with disturbingly
lifeless eyes. Couldn’t just ONE part of her look alive anymore? It was so disconcerting....

Cressida fought to blurt that she was afraid, that she didn’t know why she couldn’t locate Duo’s soul, that she was afraid he had passed onto the Ultimate Afterlife, where she couldn’t locate him until or unless he reincarnated, which she doubted Heero would want to happen anyway. She stifled a sigh as she turned to stare unseeingly at the snowy tv again. The programs had ended long ago but she still left it on, unwanting or unwilling to turn it off and leave herself to the silence and her thoughts. Finally, she felt the need to say SOMETHING... _ANYTHING_ to show she cared still. She hadn’t given up. But how to say it without implying what she was afraid of: that Duo wouldn’t be coming back. That his soul was out of the After Realm and into another body...?

“I tried looking for Duo but I’m still pretty weak. I’ll try again right away when I can,” she murmured, forcing her tone to be light even though
everything about her, especially her heart, suddenly felt very heavy. Why had she promised him something she couldn’t pull through with?? WHY had she
decided to suddenly help Duo when so many others had passed by her before? This whole mess was partially her fault and all she could think of was
comforting someone who needed the truth more than a happy lie.

Heero paused at his doorframe, letting her words fill the silence with resigned hope. He watched her a moment but she wasn’t looking at him, and
throughout her quiet form was nothing but doubt. He narrowed his eyes and looked away. “Fine,” he said in a tone that implied he expected less than
nothing to come from this. Turning his back on her immediately, he said in a tight voice, “I’m sleeping,” and shut the door behind him.

Cressida slouched the moment the sound of the door closing hit her and she forced herself not to cry. She couldn’t do anything right.... She couldn’t be a good Dreamweaver, a good friend, or even a good ally. She couldn’t even save one simple soul despite the hundreds of years of practice with contacting the dead.... Granted, she had only actually been able to help “resurrect” the soul into their body twice because of unusual circumstances, but she had still been able to get an answer from the soul. Every time… EVERY time.... Cressida slid her eyes closed and wished she had the courage to tell Heero she lied, knowing she didn’t and she’d be a coward, continuing to lead him on even as she came closer and closer to the truth: Duo wouldn’t be back. How could he? His soul had somehow completely disappeared....

“You look bored,” an amused voice interrupted her sulking. Cassidy looked over in surprise, her gaze meeting a lazy blue pair of eyes.

She blinked stupidly and replied, “I’m sorry?”

He laughed, his dull eyes dancing in amusement for a second before they fell back to lazily watching her. “Bored,” he said louder over the music, sliding into a stool next to her, “You looked like you were dying and needed some company. Want some?”

Cassidy glanced quickly to the dance floor but Rikki was nowhere to be seen. She inwardly groaned. _WHY_ couldn’t she ever be free from these
people...?

The boy didn’t miss the glance and grinned crookedly. “Hey, I know there’s a lot of freaks out there but I’m just offering to sit by you. We’re out in the middle of public, I won’t touch your drink or you if you’re worried about drugs or anything... you can even tell the bartender to keep an eye on me or something. I’m not here to scare you.... I just figured you looked bored and we could talk.”

Cassidy considered his comments and finally took the time to look at him. Thin, wiry, probably about her age. Dark blue eyes from what she could tell
in this lighting, spiky hair that was slightly longer than would be imagined for the cut, with long bangs weaving around his large eyes. It looked like his hair was several different colors but, again, it could be the lighting that was throwing her off. He was smiling at her, still looking amused, but she felt somehow safe with him. Something told her she DID want to talk to him. She swallowed, hoping she wasn’t making a grave mistake. “Uh... sure....” she stammered, unable to take her eyes off his. He was watching her with such calm amusement she suddenly realized how freaked she must look and laughed nervously.

He smiled kindly. “You look nice,” he commented loudly over the music.

She automatically looked down to remember what she’d chosen. A crimson, loose blouse over a short black skirt and shimmery silver tights. Her shoes
were tall and clunky. “Eh... thanks…” she said uncomfortably, turning back to the counter and staring at her Coke, hoping he didn’t comment on the lack
of liquor as well.

He chuckled and turned forward, spinning on the stool with a carefree air. “What? No compliment to me too? I’m hurt!” he teased in a mock-upset tone. She immediately looked at him, feeling a blush of embarrassment find its way to her cheeks.

He was wearing semi-tight black pants that she thought were vinyl but couldn’t be sure. Over that he had on an unbuttoned, deep crimson/cherry-colored overshirt with dragons inscribed in gold around the back and what was probably Chinese or Japanese symbols scrawled all over it. Under that he wore some sort of shimmering black shirt. She spoke before she thought, “We match!”

He smirked. “Why do you think I said you look good?” He grinned teasingly at her, then stretched like a lazy cat under the noonday summer sun, and
glanced over her way. “So how’s it going?”

She sighed. “Well, I guess. Classes get a little annoying after awhile. How about you?”

He grinned. “Damn assignments,” was all he said and she laughed with a nod, thinking of the three papers she had due by the end of the week.

“So... do you... go to college...?” she ventured, trying to find something safe to say.

He seemed to consider this before he answered, “I suppose you could say that, yeah. I’ve been learning for the last year.”

She nodded and glanced up as the bartender was walking by. He gave her the strangest look and she blushed. He was probably wondering if she was going
to ever get any alcohol but she hated the stuff with a passion and refused to drink even when she went to nightclubs with Rikki. To cover her embarrassment, she said immediately, “Could I have another Coke?”

The boy laughed and murmured, “Nothing like playing it safe, eh?”

She glanced at him and laughed, nodding, “I hate alcohol.... I don’t know how anyone could stand the taste. I always feel so... out of touch....”

The boy smirked but he seemed very amused, “That IS the point, I believe.”

She blushed even more but laughed, feeling stupid but knowing he was joking. She blinked when she saw the bartender was still staring at her oddly as he returned with a new glass filled with Coca-Cola. She paid him immediately, confused at the look of concern he was giving her.

“Are you sure you haven’t had enough to drink yet?” the bartender asked her quietly.

Cassidy blinked in surprise and replied almost coldly, feeling stupid since even the BARTENDER was making fun of her now, “No, I’m fine, thank you very
much.” Her tone didn’t imply any gratitude at all.

The bartender shrugged, looked disconcertingly the boy’s way, then walked away immediately.

Cassidy frowned. “What was THAT about? Is it so weird to just want a drink of pop around here?”

The boy shrugged, the humor gone as he said with unnervingly sparkling eyes, “Sometimes people just don’t see the way you do.”

Cassidy looked at him nervously but he was already smiling and giving her what she was beginning to realize was his “I’m joking, sheesh, cool it, girl!” look. She relaxed minutely but still felt rather strange.

“So what do you mean ‘you could say that’? Aren’t you either in college or not...?” Cassidy said, trying to cover her embarrassment.

The boy shrugged. “Well it’s not formal or anything. More like homeschool I guess... but not really. So... I just say ‘I’ve been learning’ and leave
it at that.”

She nodded, going quiet, wondering what to say next. She glanced at him to say something and finally noticed the seemingly obsidian choker he wore.
Lacking anything else to say, she decided to work on compliments, since she had botched the first one. “I like your choker.”

He glanced down. “Thanks....” He fingered it thoughtfully.

“I... uh... like your shirt too. Can you read Japanese?” On closer examination she decided it looked more Japanese than Chinese, even though
she didn’t really know either.

“Hai, sou desu,”(4) the boy said immediately, then looked slightly confused as he cocked his head. He murmured in a wondering tone, “I wonder why I
know that....”

Cassidy looked at him oddly. How could you NOT know you knew another language...? But before she could ask him, he was rolling his shoulders and
moving as if to stand.

“Hey, I should be going soon. Man it’s getting early, isn’t it?” the boy said conversationally as he stretched again. Cassidy watched him with a brooding expression. Sure. She FINALLY met a cool guy and he was skipping out early on her. Just her luck.

“Can’t I at least get your name? I’m Cassidy. Cassidy Jones.”

Rikki glanced around, searching for Cassidy’s form. People pushed into her from every angle but she fought back firmly. She was beginning to feel tired and that was a baaaad sign. Cass was probably already passed out somewhere, waiting for her to return.

Just as Rikki was about to give up, she spotted Cassidy at the bar, sipping from a cup that Rikki assumed held soda since Cass NEVER drank. Immediately
Rikki’s view of her was blocked as people passed between them, taller than her mere 5’5”. Growling, Rikki shoved through the crowd and clapped a hand on Cassidy’s shoulder cheerfully. “C’mon Cassi, let’s get going!” she chirped, grinning.

Cassidy nearly jumped a mile in the air and whipped around to stare at Rikki, her cup almost falling from her hands. Waiting for her heartbeat to stop racing, Cassidy tried to cover her nervousness with annoyance. “Jesus, Rik, you almost killed me! Couldn’t you have been a little more subtle?? I was trying to talk to someone!”

Rikki looked confused as she scanned the immediate area. “Huh? Who were you talking to?”

Cassidy rolled her eyes, not in the mood for more jokes. “This guy right over....” Cassidy’s voice trailed off as she looked back at the stool next to her and saw it completely empty. She blinked slowly. She had JUST been talking to him... right up until Rikki nearly scared the living shit out of her. Where had...?

While Cassidy’s eyes searched the crowd thoroughly, Rikki looked in concern at her friend. Maybe it HADN’T been such a good idea to bring her here....
And maybe that HADN’T been Coke she’d been drinking....

“Didn’t you see him?” Cassidy said urgently, almost afraid, “He had spiky hair... I think it was brown bangs and crimson and cherry spikes, but it’s
hard to tell.... He was wearing black pants and a shimmery shirt with a crimson dragon overshirt.... His eyes are blue and... and....”

Rikki grabbed Cassidy by the shoulders and stared searchingly into her dark eyes. “Cassidy. There was no one here. Even as I walked across the dance
floor. The whole time you were alone.”

Cassidy felt ice shoot through her system and felt herself go numb with fear. But... but she HAD seen that boy, hadn’t she...? He had been laughing with her.... Right...??

She barely felt herself be led across the room and out the door, down the echoing street on the way to their dorm hall. She didn’t register anything other than Rikki’s warm hands tightening on her upper arms in concern as Cassidy walked like a zombie from the area. Rikki was saying something about Cassidy drinking too much, which only made Cass feel an even deeper chill set in.

She had never drunk any alcohol in her life, and that night hadn’t been an exception. She didn’t do drugs and even if there had been some in the air,
she had never reacted that way before. Never! So why...?

As Rikki led her up the stairs to their room, Cassidy thought back to the last thing he’d said before Rikki had put her hand on Cass’s shoulder,
interrupting them both.

^^ “Can’t I at least get your name? I’m Cassidy. Cassidy Jones.” Cassidy smiled at him encouragingly, determined to get SOMETHING out of this night.
“Duo,” grinned the boy back, his cobalt eyes dancing in the neon light, “Duo Maxwell. At your service.” ^^

Duo.
_Why_ did that name sound so familiar....?

(1) The rune known as “Ass” is pronounced “Ace.” Information regarding this rune was taken from the book “Rune Power” by Kenneth Meadows, pages 48 and 49. If you’re interested in runes this is the rune book I would most highly recommend, followed by “A Practical Guide to the Runes” by Lisa Peschel.
(2) Taken from Enter Sandman part 1
(3) Replay of a scene from Enter Sandman part 2
(4) Kinda like... “yeah, that’s right”

To be continued....