~dream sequence~
/music/
<thoughts>
^^ flashback ^^
(www.dreamwater.net/mikaaislin/)
As you'll all hopefully recall....the last we saw of them,
Heero and Duo
were leaving Bakari's place to talk... Bakari and Heero had some
conversation that no one knows about.... Cressida disappeared
into her room
and Cassidy took off toward the greenhouse. This part focuses
solely on
Heero and Duo and what happens next....
*~*~*~*~ THIS PART IS DEDICATED TO EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN WAITING
FOR THIS TO
HAPPEN ^_^ You didn't all actually think I'd keep the two apart,
didja? ^_~
*~*~*~*~
Lyrics from “One” by Lamb
Both Heero and Duo were completely silent on the trip across the city to Heero’s apartment. The cool night wind rushed along their skin, eliciting a shiver from Duo. Heero glanced over but continued his fast-paced gait, firmly but gently gripping Duo’s elbow when it seemed like he was going to bolt at one point. For his part, Duo kept nervously glancing sidelong at Heero but, though he occasionally opened his mouth, he never said a thing. Though awkward, the silence was welcomed on both parts.
They rode the elevator to the 8th floor, the silence continuing. Duo was lost in thoughts of his family and what to do about it after he was done getting bitched out by Heero. Heero was considering the scenarios as he tried to choose the best to explain himself while not allowing Duo to escape. If one could listen to both thought patterns at once, the unnecessary paranoia would have been amusing in its duality. As it was, the two simply stared—Duo at the wall, Heero at Duo—until the doors opened.
Quietly they walked down the hall. Noiselessly Heero turned the key first on the outer door than the door to his apartment. Duo immediately wandered into Heero’s living room, sitting on the couch, while Heero kicked the door shut behind himself, silently locking the door. Wandering into the kitchen, Heero immediately removed a can of iced tea for himself and a soda for Duo. As he entered the living room he attempted to calm himself for the coming discussion. Duo glanced up and accepted the soda with a nod, avoiding eye contact as Heero sat on one of the chairs perpendicular to the couch.
For a moment, there was no sound but their breathing, the soft humming of the electrical appliances in Heero’s apartment and the click of Duo opening his pop can. Then, Duo spoke.
“Y’know Heero, you don’t have to bother with this. I was already planning to leave you alone after... after all that.... I mean, I’m really, REALLY sorry about Serafim and... and it’s all my fault that you won’t live as long,” Duo very studiously studied his suddenly fascinating pop can, “but I can’t really help that.... I’m sorry....”
Heero was silent for a moment but when Duo chanced a quick peek at his face, he looked pissed. Duo felt his heart clench. “Finished?” Heero asked calmly. Duo winced. “Uh... well, and, I’m sorry about anything I ever did to piss you off and I’m sorry I didn’t finish the whole mission thing with the war and I hope you have a good day and life and congratulations and I’ll be going now so thanks for the soda think I’ll just bring it with me on the way out see ya,” he said in one breath, standing and beginning to walk toward the door. Heero’s hand swiftly shot up, grasping Duo’s wrist in an unrelenting grip, tugging him back. Duo fell onto the end of the couch, so surprised that he let go of his open can. Dark pop flew back, splashing all over the couch, floor, and coffee table. The back of Duo’s head hit the cushions with enough force for him to bounce slightly. For one moment he lay there, stunned. Heero calmly stood, one hand still gripping Duo’s wrist as he watched Duo from directly beside the couch.
“That was NOT my fault!” Duo yelled immediately, glaring amethyst fire at inwardly amused Prussian. “I know,” Heero said calmly but with an edge.
Duo stopped in surprise. “Right...” he looked around the room as if seeking help in thin air, “anyway, I’m not stupid—I get it that you’re pissed. You can let me go now. I really don’t want to get omae o korosu’d right now....” Heero watched Duo for a moment, disturbingly predatory, before he suddenly leaned really close. Duo’s eyes popped open. “He—Heero...? What’re yo—”
Heero abruptly closed the gap between the two, cutting off Duo’s protests with an urgent, but still vaguely gentle kiss. Duo’s eyes widened even more and for that moment he went completely limp. The kiss lasted a few moments, and somewhere in between the beginning and the end, Duo’s eyes slid closed of their own accord. When Duo seemed mostly relaxed, Heero pulled back, watching Duo closely.
The spiky-haired Nightwalker had melted into a puddle of goo with Heero’s heat so near, but the moment he pulled away he became more aware. His eyebrows began to draw down, and slowly one eye then the other peeked open. His violet eyes were confused and apprehensive. Heero noted that nothing more could be determined and nodded briefly to himself.
“Heero...?” Duo asked incredulously. Heero smirked. He leaned forward slowly again and Duo watched with wide eyes as Heero’s face got closer and closer. “What—what are you—?” Heero hovered above Duo, a hand on either side of him as he bent down, his mouth moving more urgently over Duo’s soft lips.
God, but Duo tasted like heaven.
Duo moaned softly, arching up to press his body closer to Heero’s heat. Heero smirked into Duo’s mouth as he began to pull away. Again, Heero analyzed Duo’s eyes that were windows to his emotions. There was more confusion, more fear, definite lust, but now also a hint of something hopeful. Heero’s smirk widened as he mentally noted the change.
“Why—?” Duo started to ask.
Making a soft annoyed sound deep in Heero’s throat, he leaned completely onto Duo’s body from the side, running his hands lightly through Duo’s spiky hair as he kissed him deeper than before. Duo’s sexy, soft moans were encouraging Heero’s resolves. Flicking his tongue out, he ran it maddeningly slow across Duo’s lower lip. Duo gasped, inadvertently granting entrance.
Heero’s smirk widened as he pushed himself harder against Duo, moving his tongue all over within Duo’s mouth. He traced his teeth, the top of his mouth, warred with Duo’s suddenly very lively tongue....
Duo reached up and gripped Heero’s shoulders, eyes squeezed shut, helpless whimpers falling from his slowly swelling lips.
/Here’s a story
Heero pulled back, watching Duo closely, telling himself it was solely to see the emotions so he could tell if he was doing the right thing or not. He, of course, ignored the fact that he could watch Duo all day simply to experience his beauty.
Duo opened his eyes again, panting slightly as he stared up at Heero. The confusion and fear were quickly being buried by the lust and hope. Heero nodded to himself at the sight. Duo watched Heero, taking in the analytical look he was giving him. Blinking slowly, Duo pulled himself out of the lust-induced haze that was slowly enveloping him. He struggled to think. Somewhere along the way Heero must have realized Duo was infatuated with him. Most likely Cano told him since that Heero-dream was what started this whole mess—though, now that Duo thought about it, he couldn’t remember anything about the Dreamland other than the fact that it royally sucked ass. But, obviously, Heero was trying to be a good friend and give Duo something he knew he wanted before they went their separate ways. The sentimentality was touching but it still pissed Duo off.
Heero blinked. Duo’s eyes had been so open and inviting but then suddenly they darkened, shutting down in a dangerous spiral. Duo narrowed his eyes, glaring balefully up at Heero. “Get. Off. Me.” He growled, shoving at Heero’s chest. The Japanese ex-pilot was so surprised he immediately complied, staring down in bewilderment at Duo, who was sitting up and scooting as far away on the couch as possible. “I don’t know what the fuck kind of joke this is but it’s not very funny,” Duo seethed dangerously, loosely holding his arms around himself. His teeth were so gritted it was a wonder he wasn’t harming himself. His eyes were narrowed to livid amethyst slits that glittered like glass in a screaming tornado.
Heero stood perfectly still for a moment, trying to understand what went wrong. But when Duo jumped up, stalking toward the door again, Heero reached out and secured the Nightwalker’s wrist in an iron-like grip again. Duo turned slowly, body tense as a spring. “Let. Me. Go. Yuy.” He said angrily. He was glaring daggers at Heero but the latter refused to budge.
“No.” Heero replied resolutely.
Duo tugged at his arm but Heero was stronger. “Yes!” he hissed.
Heero’s eyes narrowed as he repeated, more stubborn, filled with finality, “NO.”
Duo’s other arm came up to punch Heero but he easily caught that stray wrist too. Duo’s eyes widened for a moment before he started struggling fiercely, kicking and pulling at Heero. “Let go! Let go you fucking asshole!” he screamed furiously, throwing himself around in desperate flails.
Heero watched Duo calmly for a moment, rocking with Duo’s especially powerful tugs, when he came to a decision. He began dragging Duo across the room, who was too busy trying to break Heero’s grip to notice until Heero kicked the door shut behind them. Duo stopped abruptly, looking around with wide, angry eyes at Heero’s bedroom.
“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” Duo bellowed, shoving at Heero with more strength than either realized he had. Heero went flying backwards but he refused to let go of Duo’s wrists, twisting at the last second and using the momentum of the fall to bring the two to a less hard resting place. As a result the two fell in a mess of tangled, bruised limbs straight onto Heero’s bed, which bounced in annoyance at the disturbance. Immediately Heero flipped them over so Duo was pinned beneath him, his hands firmly gripping Duo’s wrists above his head. Duo paused briefly, stunned, before he panicked. He kicked desperately, struggling and squirming, and overall making Heero’s attempt to hold him still extremely difficult. “Let me go! Let me go! LET ME GO!!” Duo yelled over and over. Heero was like a rock, though, and no amount of struggling resulted in anything save bruising wrists and a shuddering bed. Duo’s anger was slowly falling to frustration, desperation, betrayal and fear. “Stop it Heero let me go LET GO!” Heero refused, still holding Duo firmly but gently to the bed, straining all his muscles to keep him there since Duo was almost a match for him. As Duo’s anger faded so too did his volume. Soon he was whispering, staring up at Heero with such pain-filled amethyst eyes Heero almost let go and rethought his plan. Almost.
“Gods, Heero, please don’t do this please let me go please Heero please!” Tears were plain in his voice but Duo’s eyes remained only shining, no wetness staining his flushed cheeks.
Heero’s expression softened as soon as Duo settled down. “Are you done?” he asked in his usual tone, though it was slightly more sympathetic than normal. He hadn’t wanted to scare Duo, he just had to be sure he had his attention....
Unfortunately, Duo mistook the sympathy. “I will NOT be a pity fuck, Heero Yuy!” Duo spat, his pain enhancing the anger that he suddenly was filled with again. “Let me the fuck go you bastard! I already said I was gonna leave you alone! Stop tormenting me!” Duo struggled more but it was half-hearted now as even he had to acknowledge there was no current way he was getting free.
Heero winced. “I’m not trying to torment you.”
Duo looked up with unbridled cynicism. “Then what the fuck are you doing? Showing me how bouncy your bed is? Maybe what Relena or Cressida or whoever else gets to feel when they’re lying under you? KEEP it!” Duo accentuated the last yell with an angry twist of his body, almost dislodging Heero, who had been too surprised by the accusation to pay full attention. Immediately his reflexes took over, though, and before either knew it, Duo was once again pinned beneath Heero.
Duo glared up but slumped into the bedding. “Fine! I don’t care! Do whatever the fuck you want you sick bastard,” Duo ground out, pointedly looking at the ceiling and going completely limp.
Heero would have rubbed his face if he could trust Duo not to run the second he let up at all. Instead, he sighed. “Duo,” he answered wearily, “why do you automatically assume the worst in me?”
Duo glanced over in surprise but the emotion was quickly replaced by suspicion. “Oh? And what SHOULD I be assuming Mr. Restrain-And-Throw-On-The-Bed?”
Heero blushed slightly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to get you to listen....”
Duo’s suspicion wavered. “How about just talking...?”
Heero avoided eye contact as he muttered, “But you never listen....”
Duo looked so incredulous Heero found himself making eye contact again. “Are you INSANE? You rarely offer anything to me but insults! Why by Shinigami would I IGNORE you talking??”
Heero brought his eyebrows down in an endearing half-glare, half-sulk. “I don’t know but you keep doing it and it’s getting annoying so stop it.”
Duo caught his breath, body relaxing after unconsciously tensing again. He stared, captivated by Heero’s expression. Slowly Heero moved down until his messy dark brown bangs brushed tantalizingly across Duo’s forehead. He continued to lean down until their noses touched, hot breath puffing against each other’s lips. Duo gasped softly, opening his mouth to speak. Before he could talk, Heero swooped down, frenching Duo passionately.
Again, Duo lost his train of thought and fell into a starfield of Heero’s warmth and strength.
Gods, but he never wanted to leave....
/Union so deep
Heero reluctantly pulled away from the kiss but he remained very near Duo, their foreheads pressed comfortably together, noses almost brushing. “God I’ve missed you, Duo,” Heero whispered in a raw, soft tone.
Duo’s eyes widened. “What...?” he asked breathlessly. He made no move to fight the hold on his wrists nor the intimate proximity of his friend.
Heero frowned, frustration welling up as he realized all his careful planning was breaking down. He’d known exactly how to word everything but the sentences had disappeared somewhere between touching Duo’s wrist and kissing his lively mouth. Heero stared at Duo, as bewildered as the other for a moment, though for completely different reasons. Finally, he moved back slightly, considering his prisoner. “I...” he began hesitantly.
Duo seemed to realize Heero was actually trying to say something important and, for once, seemed willing to comply. “You what, Heero?” he prodded quietly, no hope daring to stray to his eyes or voice.
Heero looked away in frustration. He desperately wanted to rub the back of his head in embarrassment, or brush his fingers across Duo’s soft skin, but he was afraid to let up his death grip of Shinigami’s wrists. Duo was definitely a lot different than he used to be, Heero had seen as much. Who _knew_ what kind of new tricks Duo could have up his sleeves after a year of training as a Nightwalker...? He could be gone for good before Heero had the chance to blink.
Duo sighed softly, though he didn’t seem to notice. He looked away from studying Heero’s face, focusing instead on the far wall. Duo licked his lips in preparation. Soon, he had all his emotions under control. Locking them away where the feelings of soul-deep shame and disgust could wait until later to take their toll, Duo closed the distance between them swiftly. Heero’s eyes snapped back to reality, widening as he felt Duo’s lips trailing soft kisses along his neck and jaw. “Duo...?” he asked, confused.
Duo pulled back enough to look up at Heero through smoky amethyst. “Just relax, Heero,” he purred, pressing his entire body up against the surprised Japanese teen. When Heero opened his mouth to ask another question, Duo took the invitation. Straining against his still-captured wrists, he pressed his lips to Heero’s, slipping his tongue inside his mouth.
Duo ignored the nagging voice as he caught Heero’s startled moans, letting the vibration of his chest and mouth move through him deliciously. Their arousals rocked together at one point, causing a dual groan that never left the confines of their mouths. Heero’s body was insanely hot, driving away Duo’s concerns like cleansing fire. He felt himself getting lost in the sensation of smooth skin over taut muscles, and the longer the kiss lasted the less he cared if he drowned.
Unfortunately, they needed to breathe at one point. Duo pulled back, panting slightly, glancing nervously into Heero’s eyes. He feared rejection and yet wished for it with all his heart.
But it was not to be.
Heero was staring back, confused and very adorably tousled, but still mostly in control. Before he could react, Duo leaned forward again, nipping lightly at his chin, nuzzling his neck affectionately.
Heero tried to gather his self-control into some semblance of reality. “Duo—what are you doing?” he asked as calmly as possible, but the effect was lost when Duo purposefully rocked his hips upwards. Heero had originally been hoping by sitting on him he would avoid this situation, but Duo still managed to find away.
Now it was going to be damn near impossible to concentrate with the beautiful baka still caught beneath him.
Duo smiled slowly, somehow managing to look innocently seductive. He breathed hotly over Heero’s cheek, murmuring in such a way that his chest vibrated against Heero’s, “You want this...” he nuzzled the Japanese teen with his own cheek, “don’t you...?” He slowly rubbed his skin across Heero’s until their lips were centimeters apart. Duo chose to move forward again, his kiss deepening to something much more intimate than passionate.
Heero groaned, losing himself to the moment. Duo was alive. Sometimes it frightened Heero to no end—making him believe that this all MUST be a dream—that there was no way in hell his miracle had been granted. But still, Duo’s lean body pressed completely against his own, their eyes closed and lips pressed in a maddening dance across each other—this was real. Almost too real. Almost too perfect.
When Duo pulled away again, eyes mischievous as he rubbed against Heero, the ex-pilot of Wing groaned loudly and rocked backwards, placing as much distance between him and Duo’s body as possible.
Duo blinked in confusion bordering on a pout. “You don’t...?” His voice was soft but there was very definite uncertainty and fear in those two words.
Heero shook his head immediately. “Duo—I—I DO want you... but... we need to talk first....”
Duo smirked. “I don’t believe it,” he commented drolly, “Hell must have frozen over for someone to willingly ask me to talk _more_...!”
Heero frowned. “You already talk too much,” he paused, cocking his head slightly as he stared at the enigma resting beneath him, “But also not enough.”
Duo’s eyebrows rose in amusement. “That made no sense, Yuy,” he noted dryly.
“It—yes it—it did.... In my mind at least....” He started out almost indignant but by the end it was a confused mutter. Heero glanced away, unnerved by the steady pressure of that heavy amethyst gaze. The apartment was unnervingly quiet as Duo decided to lie limply and patiently. The shut window cut off the noise of the traffic and city and the door muted any of the appliances. Suddenly, a scenario popped into Heero’s mind and he seized it before he could lose it or doubt himself.
“It’s been so quiet, Duo,” Heero began in a tone that implied this was not only VERY important but also probably rather lengthy.
Duo suppressed the urge to groan loudly. Heero noted the deflated look of his friend and his eyes narrowed in anger. No matter what he WAS going to fix this! “It’s been so quiet, Duo,” he said stronger, losing all his doubts as he began to think of this as a mission of sorts, “Because you weren’t here to fill the silence.”
Duo’s eyes widened slightly but it was with a mixture of paranoia and hurt hope laced with surprise. Heero ignored all of Duo’s reactions and pressed on, giving no chance for interruption.
“I used to think you were just damn annoying,” Heero admitted, staring twin Prussian laser beams into Duo’s huge gaze, ignoring the American’s alluring scent as he pressed on, “And at times I was almost serious when I said I’d kill you. I used to think you had no respect for so many things, and that angered me. You seemed so out of control, so different.” Heero’s voice softened slightly but still remained strong. “But as I grew to know you I also grew to understand you and... and eventually... like you.” Heero breathed a sigh of relief inwardly. Heero paused, trying to understand how to continue. But before Duo could find another excuse to prolong this all, he pressed on. “So when you disappeared in between missions I wasn’t too concerned. We all thought you were off having fun elsewhere.... I had noticed something was wrong but I frankly didn’t care enough to get involved.” Hurt flashed across Duo’s eyes, causing Heero to mentally curse himself. Heero frowned as he continued in a frustrated tone, his grip on Duo’s wrists unconsciously lightening, “And—and I noticed at one point... but I couldn’t let myself realize that I did... that I cared.... Everytime I realized it, I ignored it.” Heero looked searchingly into Duo’s eyes, as if the violet depths held all his answers, “It didn’t work....” Heero’s voice was soft, filled with a sense of wonder and awe that made Duo shiver.
A moment passed, like a heart beat of the universe, pressing comfortingly around their still bodies. Then....
Duo swallowed, “Heero—I—“ he began but Heero’s eyes narrowed, his now one-handed grip automatically tightening on Duo’s wrists. The effect was almost painful.
“You talk too much, Duo,” Heero told him in a harsh tone, but Duo saw from his eyes that he wasn’t angry—he was... hurt...? Duo drew his eyebrows down in confusion, caught up in Heero’s tortured voice, “You’re always making noise, Duo,” Heero said softly, his voice rough with repressed pain, “Even when you sleep you move or whimper quietly... you always have.... And when you’re silent, your eyes are louder than screams, your body shouts what you feel. I... I can’t stop watching you, Duo. I—I never WANT to stop watching you....” Heero’s voice was slowly falling into a rhythm of complete control, monotonous and calm, to wavering and soft, lost and hurt. Duo stared, entranced.
“And then you were gone... and we realized it wasn’t just a joke... that you were actually taken somewhere....” Heero narrowed his eyes, staring hard into Duo’s bewildered gaze. “You didn’t know, you bastard!” he said harshly but without anger or energy to make it truly an insult, “You didn’t know what your loss was doing to me! What I was going through every moment of my life....” Heero continued to watch Duo closely, who was currently trying to understand what exactly Heero was saying, or rather, WHY he was saying it.... Suddenly a small smile graced Heero’s lips. “It’s still missing,” he said softly, contentedly.
Duo blinked back to reality, “What is?” he asked in confusion.
Heero brought one hand up to trail Duo’s cheek softly, circling around his large amethyst eyes. “The fear,” Heero breathed, “You’ve never been afraid of me....”
Duo’s eyes widened. “I—“
But Heero wasn’t going to let Duo interrupt for good. Soon he had his thoughts back under control, the memories repressed enough to help him through what he wanted to say, “Duo, there’s so much—I don’t even know where to start—“
Duo looked away immediately, upset. “Look, don’t feel like you need to do this, ok, Heero? I’ve already bothered you enough—“
Duo’s eyes nearly bugged out of his face as he felt himself lifted roughly up and slammed into the pillows propped against the headboard. For one terrifying moment, Duo couldn’t breathe. Almost immediately, he regained his composure though, gasping as he stared in complete surprise at Heero.
Prussian eyes were narrowed with nearly uncontrolled anger. “God DAMNIT, Duo!” Heero yelled, seething. Duo boggled and tried to pull away, but now his upper arms were being pushed angrily into the headboard, restricting all his movements as Heero was sitting on his legs. “You DON’T GET IT! You fucking IDIOT!” Heero growled, pushing Duo into the headboard again. “Stop blaming yourself! BAKAYARO!” Heero leaned forward, still a good distance from Duo’s face, his eyes boring holes in the startled American. “I have lived in Hell waiting for you and I’ll be fucking damned if you take my Heaven away just from some self-doubt!” Heero’s voice was low and forceful, an absolute promise and threat combined.
Duo boggled again. “What—“
“Shut UP! Just SHUT UP!” Heero yelled at him, all his repressed emotions surging out of control. His grip was turning painful. “Remember, Duo! Bakari tried to help you forget but I’m going to make you remember now! REMEMBER!” Heero leaned forward abruptly, pressing his forehead to Duo’s. For one brief, everlasting instant, Duo felt only the warmth and comfort of Heero. And then—
^^ Everything from the Dreamworld flashed through Duo painfully. He could remember it ALL now. The white room. The Dream-Heero. The self-loathing. The storm that screamed with soul-voices. Running and falling and razor-sharp bones shoving through his muscles. Dream-Heero cutting off his braid. Dream-Heero raping him, feeling like he was doing the same only 5 times worse back to Heero. His braid burning. Relena and Heero dancing happily to that eerie song. Dori reappearing. Heero showing up. Them hugging, crying in each others’ arms. Cano taking him. The graveyard full of the people he killed. Wishing to Shinigami to be killed. Opening his eyes for a brief moment, seeing Heero watching him back with concern, then—
PAIN.
All encompassing, lightning-fast PAIN.
And then....
Bakari and Serafim, as the Dreamworld passed from his experiences for good....^^
Duo drew in a strangled gasp, a sob lodging itself painfully deep within his chest. Heero stared at him with compassion and understanding, but still a very, VERY deep-sated determination.
A part of Duo soared in ecstasy at the thought that someone would care so much about him—even after... after all he’d done....
/Tender threads exquisitely finding
Heero saw the self-loathing intensify in Duo’s eyes and made up his mind. Pulling in a ragged breath, he leaned back enough to stare at Duo in despair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered helplessly before letting go of Duo’s right arm long enough to gently close Duo’s eyes, gently kissing his eyelids.
Suddenly the world swirled around both of them.
~ Duo found himself standing in complete darkness. He started to call out but abrupt voices stopped him. His eyes widened as he twirled, watching in surprise the scene before him.
Heero and Cano stood in the Dreamland, facing each other. Cano spoke in an amused tone, “Yes, this is that ‘dream place’ you were before.”
Heero stared silently at Cano, his entire body rigid with barely controlled anger. Duo started to move toward the two but suddenly he found himself sucked in, caught in the apparition. Something didn’t seem quite right, but the immediate rush of anger and determination held in rigid control that overtook him wiped all thoughts from his mind.
As he stared he realized he was looking at Cano from much closer than he had just been. Duo tried to react but he couldn’t. With a start, Duo realized he was reliving a memory of Heero’s. Cano was talking to Heero, but it was like he was talking to him... and it was like this was all happening right then, as the moment passed, like living it for the first time and not reanimating a memory....
^^ “I could show you what your pilots are going through but I have the feeling that, as well, would fall short of your compassion.” Cano begins to move around me and I watch him intently. “I could show you scenes of horror, or even force you to bring unpleasant memories to surface, but, again, I believe that won’t be the most effective.” Cano stops directly in front of me again. “In fact, I believe there is really only one way to get through that impenetrable mask.”
I stare at him calmly, not caring what he chooses to do to me. All that’s important is the mission, so that is all I concentrate on. Still, it’s helpful to frustrate him as a frustrated man is a careless man. So when he moves his hand slowly and the environment changes, I look to see what he has to show me.
The darkness fades away and now, several feet from me, I am beginning to see something that looks like two people form as they fall from the sky. Cano stands directly behind my shoulder and breathes into my ear, “You wanted to know what I did to him.... Witness, and experience, then.”
I am right. Those ARE figures. One breaks off and lands in an easy crouch as the other continues to fall. The plummeting figure screams in pain as it hits the ground forcefully and I can hear the distinct sound of bones fracturing and breaking. A light suddenly shines and I catch my breath without meaning to as I realize who they are.
Duo lies on his stomach, looking roughed up and worn. I feel a pang of anger and sadness in me. The anger I can handle, but the sadness hits me harder than I expect. I wonder what is happening but then it begins to happen right in front of my eyes.^^
With slow horror, he watched as Heero had to witness when Dream-Heero raped Duo. Heero’s innate anger and despair ate intensely at him, twisting him into the world of raging emotions that Heero had experienced.
Suddenly the memory shifted forward and Duo-Heero found himself attacking Cano with fury so deep it was almost blinding.
^^ Cano looks back at me, ready to call up more of his power, but before he can, I rip off the Soul Ruby necklace he showed me earlier. The necklace falls and I land directly on it, finally falling after that long wait in the air. I smash my foot on it, shattering the ruby with my momentum. Cano screams and suddenly the air is less pressured, and my pentagram necklace is a lot stronger.
Cano looks me in the eye as I stare at him evenly, and the fear and panic I see makes me throw my head back and laugh. He looks like he’s about to disappear so I jerk my hand up and grab him around the throat. He squirms and I tighten my grip. I feel his neck muscles tense so I push harder until he’s gasping for breath. Just as he begins to weaken I drop him and kick him squarely in the head. He falls back, dazed. I take that time to jump on him with enough strength to crack some ribs. He yells so I grab his hair and begin bashing his head into the ground. Then I use my knee to dig into his crotch until I’m sure he’s paying attention.
“This is for Duo,” I murmur pleasantly to him. I unwrap the braid from around my waist and swiftly wrap it around his neck.
He struggles but there is little he can do. As I begin to wonder why this is so easy I realize the pentagram necklace is at least doubling my already powerful strength. I look over and see those same ghost-like beings helping me.... Some hold him down, others pass through him, causing him to twitch. One rests directly above his chest, probably making his heart freeze to a stop. I smirk and nod, then tighten the braid even more.
Cano chokes and claws at Duo’s braid, but it’s thick and I will NOT let go. Slowly he stops moving until he’s completely still. I wait a few more minutes to be sure but then the world around me is beginning to shudder. I leap back, still grasping the braid, just in time to see Cano’s body disintegrate.
I smile pleasedly but suddenly there is a pressure around my heart. I feel myself starting to fall to the ground as the pressure continues. I look up and see what looks like an apparition of Canowicakte. I start to struggle but there’s nothing I can do. I look down, wondering why the necklace isn’t protecting me, and that’s when I see that it disappeared at some point.
My vision is turning blurry and I begin to wonder if it’s such a bad thing to die. Maybe I’ll meet Duo in whatever afterlife there is. Hopefully we go to the same place.
Just as I begin to accept my fate I feel a lightening of the pressure. I open my eyes and see the other ghosts pulling on Cano who is struggling to keep me in his grip. But as I watch the other ghosts overpower him and pull him away. They begin to rip at him, his apparition slowly being shredded by the otherworldly ghosts that helped me win.
I collapse to the ground, gasping for breath, holding Duo’s braid tight to my cheek. It still smells like him. My God... Duo… Why didn’t I realize earlier how important he was? Why didn’t I realize that I lo....
A sudden flash of me raping Duo appears behind my eyes and I can’t hold them in any longer.
Duo would laugh or tease me right now. He would say something like “Are those Perfect Tears for the Perfect Soldier?”
I can’t believe I have tears going down my face. I thought I was beyond this. But I can’t stop them. I can’t stop thinking about...
Duo.
I’m barely able to understand what’s happening anymore. I guess lucky for me those ghosts are though. I find the world around me shimmering and slowly it disappears until I’m lying on the ground in that room where I first saw Cano. ^^
The memory faded at that point but Duo barely noticed. He was staring in absolute disbelief at the darkness. Finally, Duo had to admit it. Heero wasn’t just trying to humor him. There was no way he could love Relena—
Because he loved Duo.
Only Duo.
Tears threatened to spill from Duo’s eyes, though from what—helpless happiness, pain, relief, or possibly something even he hadn’t discovered yet—that was entirely uncertain. ~ (1)
/Love so strong whatever the weather
~ Heero turned in a slow arc, wary eyes adjusting to the emptiness.
With a sigh, he relinquished himself to the pull of the dream. When Bakari had told him he had been blocking the worst of Duo’s memories for the last year, he was shocked to say the least. Apparently Duo had occasionally come close to unearthing the dark past on his own, his will was so strong, but Bakari worked as diligently as he could blocking the pain and later erasing the worst of the memories. He had confessed at how draining the activity was, but that it was completely necessary. He wanted Heero to know because he was afraid Duo would be unresponsive to his attempts to bring him back to happiness.
Heero sighed heavily. Bakari was right about that—everytime Heero felt like he was getting somewhere, Duo had to fucking blame himself AGAIN! It was really starting to piss Heero off—mostly because he was frightened deep down.
He felt completely helpless.
He couldn’t help Duo at all....
Heero realized the dream-memory was beginning to spread around him as he a horrendous noise spread from the very edges of his awareness to a slowly burning shriek. He set his mouth in a thin, determined line.
He was NOT looking forward to this in the least. Bakari told him if he needed to use this last resort of exchanging memories, it would automatically make each other relive something that would help in the immediate situation.
In other words, Duo was subconsciously scared to death he was going to be raped, and Heero was subconsciously scared shitless that he was inadvertently going to lose Duo to his inability to express his understanding and feelings.
Suddenly Heero had no more time to think as a heart-breaking sound shattered through his control. He looked up swiftly, surprised to see pure whiteness surrounding him. With a sinking feeling, Heero realized he was going to be deeply immersed in Duo’s memories momentarily. He steeled his willpower, and gave himself over to the dream.
Duo was caught in what looked like the middle of running, his pants barely on, with a smoldering Heero posed behind him as if in chase. As Heero looked at Duo he felt himself get sucked into the memory and soon he WAS Duo... trying to understand... looking behind himself desperately as he tried to locate what frightening entity was chasing him....
^^ The world around me had always been white since that song started playing in the background and I touched that thing that made me appear in Heero’s arms. But now, behind me, a wave of pure black, churning and burning shadows was practically flying it was coming so fast. I swallowed and glanced at Heero out of panic. It would hit him first! I couldn’t let the darkness get him....
I started trying to move. I used all the energy I had—from mental to physical—but I was still stuck. Heero was staring intently at me, which only made me more nervous, but it didn’t change anything. I loved Heero. As stupid as it sounds, I had fallen in love with that dream Heero and also the real Heero somewhere along the line. And even though this was just a figment of my imagination I couldn’t let Heero get engulfed in that blackness. I –couldn’t-!
As I was struggling to get free I slowly became aware of a sound coming from the white world around me. It was very quiet, but in this world where suddenly there was no sound save the distant roar of a fast-approaching storm, it echoed deceivingly.
/ Ooh dream weaver
The song made me stop. Before, the song had just been strange. Now, it sounded more like a funeral song than anything else. Panicking, I started yanking at my invisible hold, pushing even more energy into it.
/ Though the dawn may be coming soon
Suddenly I heard a noise, I mean, a different noise. Like glass shattering, or maybe even a thousand tiny little guns going off at once. I looked around to see the white world around me ... crystallizing, I guess. Like ice forming even as I watched. The song was still playing but it got quieter and suddenly cut off as if someone had closed some invisible door.
I remember looking back at Heero in fear, but he wasn’t where he had been.
Now he was directly behind me.
And his eyes shined with an unearthly red as he smirked smolderingly at me.
I swallowed and went limp, but you’d never’ve known looking at me since I was still trapped in that invisible hold. The storm was almost on top of us... all I could see was a malignant wall of ... well, it felt like death... coming straight at me. All I could hear was the sound of the wind as it billowed across the white world around me. Thunder drowned out my heart, which was beating in overdrive by the way, and my other senses were blanketed by a feeling of such fear I thought I was going to faint.
Suddenly I realized the storm wasn’t only thundering... it was screaming.
No, really. I heard ... shit, I heard what sounded like little kids and elderly and everyone in between, female and male, and even some animals... all screaming... crying... sobbing and shouting... like... like someone was running a red hot poker directly over their souls as they were forced to watch everyone they had ever loved get massacred in front of them.
Soul screams, I thought at the time.
I had no idea how right I was.
I looked back at Heero to see if he had gotten any closer, and suddenly ‘the shit hit the fan’ so to speak. The storm reached us and I was engulfed in a mad swirl of blackened soul-shattering screams and flaming hot shadows that scoured me all over but didn’t leave a mark. I closed my eyes, but not in time. At the same moment the storm hit, I saw out of the corner of my eye Heero moving at me with lightning speed. Immediately after Heero moved and the storm hit, I heard, above the shrieks, what sounded like the death cry of a mourning woman who had just lost all her children by her own hand. My heart wrenched as the woman’s death cry and the soul screams merged for an instant into one pure, desperate, all-encompassing wail that made my very soul shudder in mourning and fear. I felt something inside me shift... I can’t even describe it... as if what I had been could no longer exist as it had. Suddenly I felt lighter and yet... weaker. So much weaker. Like I hadn’t slept for decades, and all I had been doing is running in that time. Like I hadn’t eaten for years, or laughed or smiled in a century. I felt lighter, yet weaker. And, I felt... heavier. I guess... it was like I suddenly had less substance, and that very thought made my soul cry leaden tears which made my very existence heavier.^^
Heero gasped as he personally lived what he had already seen happen to Duo. The fall, the razoring bones, the immense self-loathing for dreaming of a Heero who would do this, and the pain—oh God, the pain!
The memory pressed on, passing through while the Dream-Heero tortured Duo mercilessly. The whole time, while Heero relived the memory firsthand, he heard Duo’s voice relating the events in an echoing voice around him.
^^ Let me get something straight. It wasn’t too fun what was happening to me, but remember when I said that just by even touching Heero I felt like I was raping him? Yeah... well everything he did to me... I felt like I was doing it 5 times worse to him by imagining a Heero who would do this. So while Heero raped me, I raped and fucked and defiled him. The shame of being raped was nothing compared to the shame of raping someone else at the same time. I got both ends of the shit pile.
I was hoping Heero would stop early but he didn’t. He shoved into me once more (I felt like I shoved into him even harder), drew his fingernail all along my cock (I felt like I was scratching at his cock and laughing at his look of shock as I degraded him) then pulled out abruptly.
I was lying perfectly still, visions of Heero raping me and me raping him overlapping until all I could see was Heero getting defiled over and over again and it was always me, always me....^^
Heero shuddered deeply, thankful as the memory started to fade and his consciousness was pulled back to reality.
What happened after that in Duo’s memories, Heero didn’t know. He wasn’t going to relive it now and he had made Cano stop showing him Duo’s memories at that same point. And, while he wanted to share every pain with Duo, he couldn’t handle anymore of the anguish right then.
How was Duo still living with all this guilt and self-hatred?
How was he still smiling?
How could he laugh when inside he was falling into the deepest black hole Heero had ever seen?
And, most importantly, how could he still stand by Heero after living through that—that TORTURE—seemingly at his own hands...?!
Heero was never more grateful in his life as when the feelings of reality began to creep in.
He was thoroughly disgusted, but why Duo kept bringing events on his own conscience was beginning to make more and more sense. Still...
Heero gritted his teeth in fury. What had Duo ever done to deserve that treatment??
Nothing, was the answer. Nothing so horrible that he should be subjected to something like that—by his best—
Heero stopped suddenly, eyes widening as he felt himself being pulled out of the dream haze for good.
Duo had said he loved him.
Cressida had told Heero already but it was entirely different having a seeming stranger assure you, and hearing it in the very voice of the person you love, retelling a story that he never thought another living soul would hear, let alone Heero himself. A weightlessness grew from within to spread completely throughout Heero’s body.
Duo cared about him.
And Heero, of course, care about Duo in return.
All he wanted to do was hold Duo...
Forever. ~ (2)
/It’s you and me, babe, forever and ever
Duo’s and Heero’s eyes snapped open at the same time, their foreheads pressed together. Heero’s hands were digging painfully into Duo’s upper arms, but Duo didn’t seem to notice as he himself had grasped Heero’s waist with a death grip.
For one long moment neither could think of anything relevant to say. Heero was still trying to bring the remnants of self-loathing under control and Duo was struggling to keep from breaking down.
The quiet didn’t last for long.
“Gods, Heero,” Duo whispered throatily, trembling.
Heero took one look at the vulnerable hope in Duo’s shuddering eyes and could hold back no longer. He immediately let go of Duo’s upper arms, instead wrapping him in a tight embrace that almost squeezed the breath from them both.
“Don’t ever leave me,” Heero whispered through a tear-soaked voice, “Please, Duo, please, don’t ever leave me again. It’s not your fault... it’s not your fault... it’s not your fault it’s not your fault....”
Duo shuddered from very deep within. “I’m such a fucking idiot!” he breathed, “You went through so much! You DID so much! I’ve been so selfish! Heero I’m so sorry I didn’t understand... I’m so sorry I haven’t—“
His self-incriminations were cut off by Heero strengthening his hold on his trembling friend. With a start, Heero realized he was trembling as well. “No more I’m sorries,” Heero whispered shakily, “It’s not your fault... it’s NOT your fault....!”
The two started rocking back and forth, clutching each other as if any moment Fate would suddenly tear them apart. Heero’s hand reached for Duo’s braid to grasp in his blind panic and it took one long moment for him to remember that it was no longer there. Biting his lip he buried his face in Duo’s spiky hair.
Duo gripped Heero’s shirt helplessly, his arms under Heero’s, holding the Japanese teen tightly against him by his upper back. He pulled Heero closer and closer, crushing their chests together, their pounding hearts beating in a similar frenzy, becoming one heartbeat, one choked unvoiced sob, one desperate cry of the soul.
/One.../
They both tried to pull themselves together. Heero was pulling Duo so close he was plastered against his rocking chest. There was no room for anything but mutual love between their trembling bodies. No room for anything but anguished tears.
Their holds on each other were strong as hardened ice, yet gentle and soft as a weeping willow’s branches moving in lukewarm summer wind. Still, they tried to move closer, closer, ever closer.
Almost as if they could become one person if they tried hard enough....
/One.../
Moments passed, or maybe entire eternities, as the two clutched at each other desperately, helplessly, longingly.
Words became unnecessary for that span of time, however long it was, as all the pain and anger and helplessness of the past few years slowly drained away. Slowly, gently, there was nothing left but hope.
Hope, and a love so deep it not only needed no words, it HAD no words to describe. Only a breathless rocking hug and trembling, shimmering eyes.
The world moved on around them but neither cared. Together they were wrapped up in their own personal eternity.
An eternity that held only the two teenagers, whimpering inwardly as one.
/One.../
Eventually the fear of losing each other began to fade and confidence crept into their movements. Slowly, at the same moment, they pulled apart, still clutching desperately at each others’ arms as if that minute hold alone could keep them centered in the suddenly twirling universe.
Duo’s eyes widened as he saw silver tears tracking down Heero’s cheeks, but he was even more surprised to realize that he himself was crying as well. A helpless half-sob, half-laugh escaped his mouth and he threw himself at Heero again, burying his face in his warm, safe chest.
Heero breathed in Duo’s scent deeply, pressing his cheek onto the top of Duo’s head, holding him looser than before but still very securely.
For a few moments longer, they needed no words as their breathing and heartbeats slowed to one soothing rhythm.
/One..../
Duo was the first to pull back. He looked past Heero’s shoulder and suddenly gasped, eyes widening. Heero looked behind himself and let out a soft breath of relief when he realized there was nothing wrong. He was pretty sure he knew what had surprised Duo.
Looking nervously back at Duo, he searched the amethyst depths for anger or rejection but all he saw was teary surprise and, overwhelmingly, truly touched happiness that someone would care. “You—you kept my braid,” Duo whispered in wonderment, his eyes straying briefly to the wall opposite the headboard again.
Heero glanced away in embarrassment. “No one has been in this room except you and me.... Sometimes I would think that people would find it strange to see a braid tacked up as decoration.... I wonder what they would say....”
Duo laughed helplessly, a slight tinge of hysteria bleeding into the mirth. He threw himself at Heero again, pressing his face right above Heero’s heart, breathing in his unique scent. “Gods, Heero—I—I lo—there aren’t even words—“ he began weakly, trying desperately to convey his feelings but finding it impossible to find the right words. Even as he formed the words ‘I love you,’ blind panic flashed through his entire being, forcing him to stop from speaking what he wanted to aloud.
“Shh,” Heero whispered soothingly, running soft hands up and down Duo’s back, “I know, Duo. I know. Forever. Me too. I... you are....” He growled lightly in frustration but finally nodded, repeating resolutely, “Me too....”
Duo whimpered as more tears coursed silently down his cheeks, but he nodded into Heero’s chest. “Always,” he murmured, muffled, “Always my Heero.”
/Suddenly all time and space
Duo pulled back to say something to Heero but when their eyes met, they each caught their breath at the exact same moment.
...And words became beyond unnecessary.
Mutually, they moved forward until their lips grazed gently, brushing across each other like it was the first time. They moved forward again, mouths moving over each others’, hands slowly touching the piece of heaven resting in their arms. Heero ran his fingers through Duo’s silky hair while the American lightly traced Heero’s spine, flicking his tongue out in gentle questioning. Heero closed his eyes and relaxed his jaw, allowing for the soft entrance of Duo’s tongue.
The kiss was slow, but not taunting. There was nothing but comfortable, mutual agreement in the way they pressed their bodies softly against each other, the way their eyes closed and tears disappeared on usually dry cheeks.
Slowly, Heero’s hands grasped Duo’s shirt. He lifted the material from his lithe body, tossing it aside where it became just another part of their surroundings. Finally able to run his hands lightly along Duo’s heated skin, he paused briefly.
He didn’t want to scare Duo.
And after living through what Duo had just lived through, he wasn’t sure if, were he were Duo, even HE would want this to continue....
But Duo lightly caught Heero’s wrists and pressed the golden hands against his pale chest firmly. He looked up through chestnut bangs, encouraging, pleading amethyst meeting doubtful Prussian.
‘Please,’ Duo’s body seemed to whisper, ‘Please show me the right way. Please help me forget....’
Heero stared intently at Duo a moment, gauging his sincerity.
Slowly, nodding gravely but with a soft promise of gentleness, Heero trailed white hot fire up and down Duo’s silky skin. Heero moved his face down, breathing hotly on where Duo’s shoulder met his neck, nuzzling the juncture affectionately.
Duo arched into the touch, the softest of whimpers of pleasure escaping his quiet throat. Somberly he paused their explorations long enough to pull Heero’s shirt from his golden body. Once the fabric was completely free from both of their torsos, Heero went back to kissing Duo’s shoulders while Duo ran tantalizingly light circles and geometric patterns up and down Heero’s back. Heero let out a soft, content sigh, burying his face even deeper in Duo’s skin.
This... this was not even Heaven...
This was home....
/And I’m wrapped up in Heaven’s grace
Gently, Heero gathered Duo in his arms and pulled them lower on the bed. Duo complied, taking the opportunity to place several feather-light kisses all along Heero’s upper chest and shoulders. Heero shivered at the sensation, waiting until they were positioned again to bend down and capture Duo’s mouth with his own.
Again, the kiss was slow, mutually comfortable, and filled with much more intimate love than need or passion. Though both yearned for the touch of the other, this was to be a coupling of the soul, not the body.
Heero gently pushed Duo on his back as the kiss continued, holding himself above his lover’s body carefully so as not to put any unnecessary pressure on him yet. Duo moaned very softly as Heero’s hands alighted tracks of fire along his glistening skin. He ran his own fingers deftly up and down Heero’s sides, pausing at his pants. He opened his eyes slowly as Heero pulled away from the kiss, their soft pants echoing comfortably in the silent, waiting air. Heero smiled agreement, placing his hands encouragingly over Duo’s, guiding them to his zipper.
This was to be Duo’s first move, to be sure he was ready for this.
Duo paused, memories trying to overcome his confidence, trying to break down his willpower and send him running blindly away. Narrowing his amethyst eyes to glittering, determined, and almost mischievous jeweled slits, Duo smile-smirked and slowly, slowly popped open the button then unzipped Heero’s pants. Heero helped him pull the annoying fabric out of the way. The pants tried to catch at Heero’s feet for some reason but he shoved them off, tossing them to the side to disappear from their minds. Now Duo pulled on Heero’s briefs, glancing up one more time to get approval. Heero was watching him with such blatant tenderness and devotion Duo blushed a deep crimson, looking studiously at Heero’s flat stomach for a moment before he could move on. Heero smile-smirked with half his mouth in amusement and pressed his hands over Duo’s, sliding the material off his skin to be tossed aside like the rest of their clothing. Heero paused, balanced precariously over Duo’s still half-clothed body, his golden skin flashing in the soft light of the room as he let Duo get accustomed to his nakedness.
Duo stared in appreciation at the angel before him for a moment before he let his rapt gaze move tantalizingly up Heero’s rigid stomach, over his muscled torso, past his smooth neck and soft lips, up to his captivating Prussian eyes. Duo’s breath caught for a moment at the unsullied adoration shining down at him, completely free of Heero’s emotional restraints, pure and full, encompassing him in a moment of sweet forever. Tears came unbidden to his eyes and threatened to fall even more when Heero leaned down with eternal grace, pressing warm lips softly to the corner of his eyes, kissing away the silver salt that shimmered across the amethyst. Duo let out a soft almost-sob, his heart swelling almost painfully as he realized Heero was even more perfect than he ever imagined, that this sweet surrender of independence was more important than anything either his Dream-Heero, Nightmare-Heero, or even previous Perfect Soldier-Heero could ever have done.
Heero caught the whimper of the painful loss of loneliness within Duo with his mouth, pressing his lips a little firmer against Duo’s, moving slightly stronger as if to tell Duo silently that he would always be there for him, that he could always believe in his strength when he faltered.
/One..../
Duo pressed back firmly, needily, arching his back to create as much contact between him and Heero as possible. Heero left out a soft, content sigh-moan as their bodies pressed close, no more fabric withholding the intimate heat of the other’s torso. Duo dropped to the bed again, making the mattress bounce slightly. He reached up, pulling one of Heero’s hands to rest along the waist of his pants. Heero nodded in understanding, searching Duo’s eyes one last time, getting permission. Duo smiled coyly and tugged at his own pants. Heero smirked slightly, his eyes softening considerably.
His hands brushed the contained bulge of Duo’s arousal as his fingers worked at Duo’s tight pants, unzipping and slowly unpeeling the clothing from Duo’s glistening skin. He couldn’t help a soft smile at the crimson and black boxers Duo wore beneath. This time, without asking for permission, he pulled the boxers down too, until Duo was as naked as Heero. The pants caught at Duo’s feet and for a moment, both paused in confusion. Duo glanced down the length of their bodies and began to laugh quietly, though the sound quickly grew in volume.
Duo’s mirth bounced the bed slightly, making Heero smile fondly. He lowered his face, looking to see what amused Duo so much.
For the first time he realized they both were still wearing their socks and shoes.
Heero began to laugh softly too. Duo rolled onto his side, clutching a pillow to his face as he continued to snicker into it. Suddenly the controlled snicker turned into full blown laughter again. Heero grinned as he sat back, deftly kicking his shoes off and pulling off the socks in the same movement. He pushed Duo’s pants and boxers back up his legs long enough to work at Duo’s shoes and socks.
He didn’t want to break the silence yet his amusement was too great. “Should’ve figured you’d be the kind to have sex with your shoes on,” Duo chuckled wickedly, pulling his face out of the smothering pillow long enough to speak.
Heero looked so adorably startled as he paused in the middle of pulling the last of Duo’s confining fabric off his feet that Duo started laughing even harder, hugging the pillow against his chest as he stared down at the blushing Japanese teen.
Duo tried to resist but found he couldn’t. “So,” he laughed, “what mood were you trying to set there? ‘Let’s get it on—but always be ready for immediate flight’?” Duo laughed even harder, “Or maybe ‘Sex is nice, sex is sweet—especially when we do it with socks on our feet’?” Duo continued to laugh, barely able to keep his eyes open enough to watch Heero, who blushed and ducked his head as he felt a giddy grin cross his face.
Duo’s laughter was ambrosia... he had almost been afraid he would never hear it again....
Reaching over, Heero grabbed a pillow and threw it lightly at Duo. “Baaaaka,” he admonished playfully.
Duo laughed even harder, allowing the pillow to hit home against his face. His laughter was muffled for a moment beneath the white fluffiness before he pushed himself up, a huge grin on his face, his violet eyes dancing with lively fire.
For a moment, their eyes locked, and the world stopped moving.
/One.../
Duo pushed himself to his hands and knees, pressing his lips a little more urgently than previously into Heero’s. “Help me fly, Heero,” he whispered softly after he pulled away from the quick intimacy, “And I’ll carry you with.”
Heero smiled, running his fingers through Duo’s sunset hair. “You don’t need help, my Duo. You never did.”
Duo leaned forward more, kneeling and encircling Heero in a loving embrace. He placed his chin on Heero’s shoulder, tipping his head as he whispered into his ear, “Then show me what it’s like when you’re there, lifting me up, supporting me on your wings.”
Heero smiled slightly, his eyes softening as he wrapped his left arm around Duo’s upper back, his right snaking around the American’s body as well, his hand lightly pressing Duo’s head against his neck. “Always,” he murmured, holding Duo close for a moment.
Finally, after another of their own, personal eternities, Heero pulled back, searching Duo’s eyes for any sign of doubt. He knew before there had been none, and most likely there still wouldn’t be any, but he had to be certain.
He had to know he wasn’t using Duo in any sense of the word.
Guileless violet stared back, smiling in a shimmering way. Heero’s Prussian eyes softened to the color of the ocean in the late rays of the evening sun—bottomless, dark, and deep as space with the same twinkling glints like stars. Duo smiled with his mouth now, his face flowing into a beam of happiness. “Heero,” he whispered contentedly, leaning against Heero’s chest, “Heero, Heero, Heero... I don’t ever want to lose you again....”
Heero shook his head. “You won’t.”
Duo tensed suddenly, gripping Heero harder. “Yes,” he choked out, “Yes I will....” He bit his lip to distract himself with physical pain instead of the mental anguish at the thought that he finally allowed to surface.
Heero frowned. “No. You won’t.”
Duo buried his face directly above Heero’s calmly beating heart. “But I will,” he whispered hopelessly, “Because I’m practically immortal... and you... are....” He couldn’t say it. Even though it was the truth, he just... he couldn’t....
“Too,” Heero said quietly, almost in amusement.
Duo blinked, pulling back to peer at Heero’s face. “What?” he asked, unsure of which ‘to’ he meant, too afraid to let his hopes rise unnecessarily.
Heero smirked. “Bakari and I spoke. Don’t worry—I may not be a strange mix like you, but I _am_ at least partially Nightwalker.”
Duo boggled, his jaw dropping open. “But—how—??”
Heero’s smirk grew as he observed the endearing expression plastered on Duo’s face. “Later, Duo,” he murmured huskily as he leaned in, “For now—let’s just live with each other and forget the world.”
Duo slowly smiled, his eyes smoldering as he nodded. “Sure thing, Hee-chan,” he teased, closing the distance again between their mouths.
/One.../
This time as they moved body to body there was more passion, more urgency. Heero pressed Duo onto his back, slipping his tongue into Duo’s compliant mouth, their moans breathing into each other at the beautiful friction of bare skin to bare skin.
Heero’s delicious, soothing heat was slowly driving Duo insane. He grasped frantically at his shoulders, pulling him away long enough to gasp for breath before yanking the startled Japanese ex-pilot down for a passionate, urgent, needy french kiss. Their tongues danced against each other in the moist caverns, Heero eventually taking over control long enough to lay claim to Duo’s entire mouth.
“I want you,” Duo breathed the moment they parted, almost too soft to be heard.
“I need you,” Heero replied immediately, capturing Duo’s mouth, unable to stay away from the sweet oblivion of Duo’s skin against his.
Duo smirked into Heero’s mouth, pulling him even closer, their entire bodies flush against each other as the kiss deepened even more. Heero’s hands were pressed lightly against Duo’s cheeks, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles over Duo’s temples. The American let his hands trail all over Heero’s body, slowly moving lower and lower until Heero was shivering in anticipation.
When Duo’s hands rested lightly on Heero’s lower back, Heero suddenly pressed upwards and forwards, their erections abruptly brushing against each other. They broke the kiss, Heero hissing and Duo closing his eyes with a mewling groan.
Heero propped himself up on his elbows, smiling fondly but slightly wickedly down at Duo as he watched how sexy Duo was when he was caught by a wave of pleasure. #Hmmm...# Heero murmured thoughtfully in his mind, #Wonder what he looks like if I...#
Slowly, Heero’s fingers brushed a trail of sensuous fire down Duo’s chest, pausing to tease his nipples then meanderingly circle his belly button. Duo moaned loudly, arching up into the touch. Heero smirked, watching in amusement as Duo’s arousal became more and more prominent. Suddenly feeling mischievous, he trailed his hand lower and lower, circling Duo’s center of need with torturous sluggishness. Duo arched even more, growling softly through his pleading moans.
Inspiration suddenly hit Heero. He grinned wickedly, staring up at Duo until the violet-eyed teen finally returned the gaze. Keeping the eye contact, Heero slowly lowered his head until he was hovering precariously over Duo’s erection, deftly avoiding premature touch each time Duo thrust upwards in frustration.
Duo growled helplessly, “Heeeeero!”
Heero smirked then bobbed his head down, bringing Duo into his mouth in one movement. Duo threw his head back with a long drawn out moan, his eyes closed in ecstasy as Heero moved up and down slowly, running an expert tongue directly against him.
Time and memory lost its meaning again as Duo immersed himself in the feeling of being engulfed in Heero’s warmth, lost to his security, sheltered in his promise of protection. With each movement his pleasure grew more and more intense, building until he felt pressure growing behind his very eyelids, a delicious heaviness increasing in intensity throughout his entire body, centered within his stomach. “H’ro—I—gon’—” Duo panted helplessly, suddenly clenching his jaw shut when Heero smirked and teased the erection with an especially sensuous twist of his tongue.
The pressure was beginning to white out his concentration, burning his world away to nothing but Heero and his everlasting heat. Duo ground his teeth together viciously, unable to do more than squeeze his eyes shut, arch his back into Heero’s welcomed touch, and grip the sheets with wild abandon.
/One.../
Heero brought Duo farther into his mouth, his throat muscles tickling the end of Duo’s arousal. The velvety friction threw Duo over the edge of control and into the intoxicating world of passion as his seed flew almost violently from his body, spilling down Heero’s willing throat. Duo’s muted scream of ecstasy drifted through the room comfortably, trailing softly into silence save Duo’s pants and the sound of Heero moving on the bed.
Duo blinked widely, pushing himself up on his elbows as he stared in awe at Heero. “Have you DONE this before?” he asked in wonder as Heero rolled and grabbed something from under the bed.
Heero looked over his shoulder with a smirk. “I’m a fast learner,” he responded silkily.
Duo’s jaw dropped. “I’d fucking say so!” he murmured, dropping weakly back onto the pillows. Heero muttered something softly under his breath as his weight shifted the mattress. “Huh?” Duo asked softly, absently, staring at the ceiling and thinking how beautiful it was simply because it was Heero’s.
Heero’s face appeared in his line of sight suddenly as the Japanese teenager hovered over the American. His Prussian eyes were bright with a light that Duo had never seen before, yet still smoldering with a burning desire. Duo’s eyes widened as he immediately swallowed, looking slowly down Heero’s body to see his patiently waiting arousal.
“Uhhh...” Duo said stupidly.
Heero’s smirk only made the fire ignite across his entire expression. “I said, ‘That’s not the only fucking right now’.”
Duo’s eyes widened and he shook his head slightly. “Uh—sorry—dunno why I didn’t thin—AII!!” His line of thought was cut off with a startled yelp when Heero pressed one slick finger into Duo’s entrance.
The intrusion was slightly painful at first, but mostly just unexpected and disappointingly cold with the oil covering the finger. Heero paused, staring intently into Duo’s slowly clouding eyes. When he was satisfied that Duo wasn’t hurting any more than expected or necessary, he removed his finger. Duo made a low half pathetic whimper, half impatient growl deep within his throat. Heero smiled softly in amusement, then slowly pressed two fingers at once into Duo.
The amethyst eyes opened wider, his cheeks flushed with excitement and possibly embarrassment. Heero scrutinized every expression that flashed through the now misted violet gaze as he gently separated his fingers, preparing Duo for what was to come. A soft whimper fell from his lips as Heero removed his fingers again, waiting to be sure it was safe to continue.
Hazy amethyst watched Heero through a desperate half-lidded plead, begging for more. Heero nodded softly, carefully entering Duo with three fingers. Duo’s eyes widened but he closed them immediately, breathing heavily as he gripped the sheets tighter. Heero withdrew his fingers for the last time, steadying himself with a light grip on Duo’s hips. “Daijoubu?” he murmured, letting his concern wash over his voice and soften its naturally cold, rough edge.
Duo nodded, relaxing slightly as he peeked one eye open. “I’m ready... I just... I still think of....” His voice trailed off but the implications hung in the air. Nightmare-Heero. Serafim, or, rather, Canowicakte (even though Duo hadn’t told Heero about that yet)....
Heero nodded his understanding. “We can wait if you—”
“NO!” Duo shouted, his eyes shooting open, sitting half way up as he gripped at Heero’s shoulders blindly. “Please! Please, Heero, I need YOU!” His stare was disturbingly wild and panicked, turning his usually cheerful heart-shaped face into an expression of unknown fear.
Heero’s eyes widened in surprise but he immediately recovered. “Shh, Duo, ok, I will....” He gently pushed Duo onto his back again, positioning himself carefully. His intense Prussian gaze fell on Duo’s tense expression as he paused just before entering his lover’s body.
Duo fought the urge to push Heero off him as he suddenly relived when Nightmare-Heero raped him, followed closely by a wave of self-loathing as he remembered how he let the man who had raped and murdered his mother sleep with him night in and night out, never questioning the act nor caring that there was no love involved.
Just as Duo was about to ask Heero to wait a few moments a light warmth brushed the tip of his nose. He blinked his eyes open, surprised to see Heero’s quietly smiling face hovering inches from his own. “I won’t if you don’t want me to,” he said softly, “but I would never purposefully hurt you, Duo... _my_ Duo.”
Duo blinked rapidly, enraptured by the sincerity shining in Heero’s Prussian eyes. Suddenly all the tension left Duo as he melted into the comfortable bedding beneath him. “I’ll be ok,” Duo reassured him with a smile, “I’m sorry....”
Heero immediately leaned down, pressing his lips firmly onto Duo’s as he erased the words from his mouth. “No,” Heero breathed when he pulled away, positioning himself again as he stared at Duo to be sure he still had permission, “Don’t be sorry, Duo. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
Duo smiled, his vision swimming with tears that shined but refused to be shed. “I—thank you, Heero,” he said warmly, lying his head down on the pillows as he stared down his body at Heero. “Thank you,” he repeated almost too softly to be heard.
Heero nodded acknowledgment then slowly pressed against Duo’s entrance, careful not to harm anymore than absolutely necessary. As he pushed himself past the tight ring into the velvet heat beyond, both teens let out a soft groan—one of adjusting to a mixture of pain and pleasure, and the other of increasing anticipation.
Heero continued to push until he was completely engulfed in Duo’s tense body. He paused, quivering as he forced himself to stay completely still, waiting for Duo to slowly relax. The spiky-haired Nightwalker drew a few long, shuddering breaths before he smiled encouragement at his lover.
Heero nodded, a small comforting smile adorning his usually stoic face before he withdrew slowly then pushed forward, letting the massage oil he’d rubbed on himself create heated friction between their young bodies.
Duo squeezed his eyes shut when Heero first slid inside him, the physical and mental pain forcing him into a panicked stupor. As Heero moved, rejoining their bodies together, Duo grit his teeth at the sudden explosion of pleasure. Heero withdrew to the tip of his arousal then pushed in again, aiming for Duo’s sweet spot. He was rewarded with a strangled moan of contentment, but fear and pain still lingered in Duo’s squinted expression.
Softly, as Heero continued to move in and out of Duo, causing the other to moan louder and louder as the sensations built up, he reached a hand out and brushed the long chestnut bangs from his lover’s closed eyes. Duo suddenly looked up at Heero as the Japanese teen continued the sacred rhythm, trailing a gentle hand down Duo’s flushed cheek. “I...” Heero said breathlessly between soft thrusts and Duo’s moans, “Will... never... hurt... you.... This is... just... you... and me... no one... else....”
Duo bit his lip as Heero’s hand cupped his cheek then trailed down his chest. He peeked one eye open to watch, not even sure when he had closed his eyes again. Heero was watching him intently, honesty and patience practically shimmering off in tangible waves. Duo smiled helplessly, allowing the last vestiges of doubt to fall from his mind. He threw his head back, arching into the contact with Heero, thrusting back swiftly in time with his lover.
Heero groaned and dropped his head at the sight of Duo writhing beneath him. Unconsciously one of his hands wrapped around Duo’s erection, pressing firmly in time with his movements. Duo threw his head back even further, arching completely into Heero’s thrusts as he yelled wordlessly, hoarsely.
The moments passed as Heero moved steadily in and out of his one true love, reveling in the unique feeling of being surrounded by Duo in every sense of the word. He wanted only to crawl into Duo and hold him so tight nothing, not even Fate, could intervene.
/One..../
The seconds passed as two naked bodies moved to an inner beat of freedom and love. Heero felt himself coming close to losing control so he quickened his pace, rubbing delicious friction over Duo’s heated member. Duo tossed his head back and forth, his entire soul seeming to be filled everytime Heero thrust into his sweat-sheened body.
With a wordless, cut off cry, Duo came liquid fire between their stomachs, adding another layer to shine in the dim light. Duo automatically clenched around Heero’s arousal, pushing him beyond control. He thrust a few more times before he, too, spilled his seed deep within his lover.
Exhausted, he collapsed on top of Duo, pressing his face just below his shoulder. Duo shuddered once, from head to toe, before he could regain enough energy to lean forward and kiss Heero on top of his head.
“I love you so much,” Duo whispered hoarsely, finally able to ignore the blind panic that had sporadically engrossed him each time he tried to form the words before. “I love you, Heero, I love you....”
Duo could feel Heero’s content smile press into his chest. “I’ve loved you longer than even I know,” Heero replied, kissing Duo softly over his heart. “You are everything.”
Yawning, Duo grinned, hugging Heero fiercely. “M’tired,” he muttered almost incoherently.
Heero smiled again and nodded.
Soon, the two drifted to the land of dreams, comforted in a peaceful, though temporary, oblivion.
Heero awoke an indefinite amount of time later to Duo clinging to him like a lifeline. He smiled softly, carefully removing himself from his lover before he flipped onto his side. He gently gathered Duo in his arms, pulling him tightly against his entire body as he ran fingers through his soft, spiky hair, trailing down his silky neck and shoulders.
Duo snuggled closer, his chin propped against Heero’s shoulder as he quietly felt their heartbeats slowly attune themselves to one content rhythm.
/One..../
Duo sighed peacefully, staring into memories with a fond smile. Heero glanced down, running hands through Duo’s hair, trailing across his scalp comfortingly. “What?” he breathed softly, as if afraid to break the spell.
Duo’s smile increased. He pulled himself back so he could stare into Heero’s eyes for a few brief moments before he leaned forward, kissing Heero softly but deeply. Heero pressed himself against Duo, tightening his grip on his lover when Duo pulled away to rest once more against his shoulder.
“When they were helping me recover,” Duo began in a subdued voice, no traces of pain staining his tone, “I remember wondering why I was there. What was happening.... I was so confused, because sometimes I’d think there was more to this all. That I had a whole other part of myself that I wasn’t aware of....” Heero listened patiently, curiously, as he rubbed Duo’s neck comfortingly. Duo’s smile weaved its way into his voice. “Sometimes I would feel so depressed because I didn’t understand, and I’d try to talk to Bakari. But every time I approached him he gave me this weird, helpless look, and answered only in riddles or some other stupid way.” Duo grinned. “It pissed me off so much, when I was aware of myself and the lack of –something- within.” Duo paused for a few moments and Heero began to think that he had finished his story. But before he could say anything, Duo continued.
“Over the Greenhouse door there’s this wooden plank with a quote carved into it. Whenever I got upset I’d read the quote, over and over like a mantra, until it comforted me.” Duo completely buried his face in Heero’s shoulder as he softly trailed off, “I never understood until now....”
Heero was quiet a moment but when it became clear that Duo was lost to memory he spoke up. “What was the quote?”
Duo looked up again, his eyes soft and shining as he scooted down to lean his head against Heero’s chest. He closed his eyes, drinking in the warmth and security that only Heero could provide. Lightly kissing Heero, he murmured softly, “’That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.’”(3) Heero was quiet but he tightened his grip on Duo. “I... realize now that I was remembering without reliving the first dreams with you... when I spent eternities just wrapped in your arms....” The slightest hint of liquid on Heero’s chest told him that Duo was withholding tears again.
“Shh, Duo, my Duo,” Heero whispered comfortingly, rubbing his hands up and down his back, “Shh, it’s ok, it’s fine, we’re together....”
Duo pulled Heero closer, digging his arms almost painfully into Heero’s sides in a death grip. “I know I know but I’m afraid please don’t leave me,” Duo mumbled, trying to crawl into Heero’s skin where he could live the rest of his life encompassed by his peace.
Heero smiled and continued to comfort Duo. “I won’t leave you, Duo, I will never leave you. Ever.” Duo nodded, pressed against Heero as he slowly relaxed. Heero’s warmth and security brushed away his fears and loneliness, gently pulling him down to a soft oblivion of sleep again.
As he was drifting to sleep he vaguely heard Heero whisper directly into his ear, “Duo-kun wa watashi no yume desu.” He kissed the top of Duo’s head. “Itsumo, koi, zutto.” (4)
Duo looked up with a smile and said softly, “And you will never lose me again.”
Heero tightened his grip on Duo, clutching him closer as if one of the times he’d finally succeed in pulling them together into one being with one heart and two souls.
/One..../
Duo buried his face in Heero’s chest, letting his heart beat calm his troubled mind. Slowly the rhythm pressed him down to sleep, bringing him closer to internal peace. Heero’s breathing slowed, their bodies moving as one as they gently fell asleep in each other’s arms.
When Duo found himself in the oblivion of the dreams, he felt comforted beyond belief. The darkness pulsed around him, holding him securely almost like a womb. His hair was jumping between being long and staying short and spiky, but strangely the sensation didn’t bother him. As he sped through the deep shadows he saw a flash of light from up ahead. Swimming toward it, he shortly found himself confronted with a large, full-length mirror.
He stopped suddenly, staring at its quicksilver, glinting surface for a few moments. A vivid flash of memory ripped through his consciousness, pulsing behind his eyes as he relived a moment he’d spent after a year of staying with Bakari and Serafim/Canowicakte.
^^ Duo slowly pulled himself out of bed, ignoring the aches and how exhausted he was. His eyes watching his steps closely as he wandered across the room, he slowly looked up into the mirror he knew would be there.
A sickly-looking teenager stared back at him, pale and thin in his nudity. His skin was pale moonlight, his hair a mixture of sunset and midnight. His eyes were twilight and his mouth was the color of the rich dawn sky.
Night.
He looked like a strange embodiment of night, which he frankly had never noticed before.
But beyond that, Duo saw what truly stood there, staring back with glittering amethyst eyes.
Trash.
A cheap murdering whore.
A boy who had to imagine all the loves he ever had, either in his dreams or by thinking of another in reality.
And as Duo stared at his reflection, he was disturbed to realize it still didn’t feel –right-. Like ... he was an imposter.... ^^
Biting his lower lip, Duo forced himself to stare into the mirror patiently waiting for him.
A troubled expression stained his face, and his hair was flashing between thigh-length tresses and the short midnight-sunset spikes that had appeared after his ‘reincarnation.’ His large amethyst eyes were slightly guarded, but they still shined with an inner beauty that made his entire being glow. He noticed he was naked, but somehow he felt different this time.
He no longer felt like trash. He didn’t feel like a whore. He didn’t even feel any guilt during that one extended, sweet moment.
All he felt was Heero’s arms encircling him comfortingly, protectively. He felt his lips kiss the top of his head and a warm cheek nuzzle against his own. He felt soft fingers brush across his heated skin, soothing away the burns of past pain.
And he heard a slightly nasal voice whisper into his ear, “I’ve loved you longer than even I know... You are everything....”
Duo smiled helplessly, giddily, as he wrapped his arms around his chest and hugged himself fiercely. Tears set his already bright eyes to an impossibly brilliant shimmer. “I love you, Heero,” he whispered to himself, “Thank you....”
Suddenly Heero appeared behind him, his hands resting on Duo’s shoulders as they both stared into the mirror.
In the dim lighting, their bodies blurred...
...Almost appearing as one.
/One..../
Duo turned his head, placing a soft kiss against Heero’s shoulder as he pressed himself against his lover’s body.
A few sweet moments passed before Heero brushed a soft hand across Duo’s cheek. “Let’s go, Duo,” Heero said softly directly into Duo’s ear, “Together.”
Duo smiled helplessly and nodded, placing his hand in Heero’s. Together the two left the mirror, walking slowly at first through the comforting oblivion of a shared dreamland. But before they got far, Duo suddenly but gently let go of Heero’s hand and turned to face him. Heero looked over in surprise, his eyes widening when Duo tackled him and kissed him passionately.
Before Heero could respond other than a startled yelp, Duo jumped up with a mischievous grin. “Race ya!” he called playfully, then bolted across the dream oblivion, running as fast as the wind.
Heero narrowed his eyes and jumped up, already sprinting so fast his feet barely touched the ground. “Cheater!” he yelled laughingly, “When I catch you—Omae o korosu!!”
Duo barely spared a glance over his shoulder. “IF you catch me, slow poke!” he called back, sticking his tongue out.
Heero growled good-naturedly and doubled his effort. “’Never lose me’ he says,” he grumbled with a smile to himself, “He has no idea how true that is.”
Together, the two Nightwalkers ran so fast through the endless oblivion of dreams, they almost seemed to be floating, flying through the air, with no care in the world.
And that alone felt like home.
--Todd Faber, the Sandman comics
~Owari~ (2) This is from Dreamweaver part 5. Again, the rape scene,
only from Duo’s (3) Quote from the Sandman comics by Neil Gaiman. Master Li
says it, but I (4) You are my dream. Always, love, forever. (Technically
it says Duo is
Of lovers finding/
There is no unwinding/
Two lives together
One soul deep resounding/
Even apart our souls are together/
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light /
There still may be some time
Fly me away to the bright side of the moon
And meet me on the other side /
Even apart we’re dreaming together/
Loses its meaning when I see your face/
Feeling so safe in your sweet embrace/
~Sometimes you wake up,
Sometimes the fall kills you,
And sometimes,
When you fall,
You fly~
(1) To reread this scene and see in detail what exactly Duo is
experiencing,
check out Enter Sandman part 3. This was where Heero and the
pilots went to
meet Cano but the pilots were caught in their fears and Heero
confronted
Cano head on. Cano threw him into the Dreamworld, and thus the
scene Duo is
living as Heero begins. It starts with Cano commenting that it
really WAS
Cressida who had helped him and goes through the rape scene with
Duo. The
flashback portion of that dream sequence was a direct copy/paste
from ES3.
I didn’t relive the part partially because it takes so much
to rewrite it
and also because I hate the rape scene >_< Only because
it’s so evil... and
it is something that has bothered Heero and Duo so much that they
keep
remembering it... and I’m trying to keep the angst down a
LITTLE in this
last part ^_~ So read it! I urge you to if you want to see what
Duo saw
but otherwise, just try to remember what happened, and it’s
all good.
view this time. Reread if you want to see everything Heero felt.
The
vision fades right before Dream-Heero flipped Duo over and said
“Come to
Daddy.” Again, copy/pastes directly from DW5.
don’t remember which book.
my dream but that’s because they don’t use ‘you’
very often—its more rude
than using the name. At least according to my Japanese teacher
^_^)
