Real Men, Roleplayers, Loonies & Munchkins
An updated version of the famous list, geared towards Palladium, White Wolf, AD&D and IMMORTAL (Precedence Games), by Rob Gaebel.
The following opinons are entirely my own, and if they offend, tough!
The Real Man: The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and orders it to leave before it gets hurt
The Roleplayer: The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you all out of prison
The Loonie: The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero
The Munchkin: Need we say more?
PLAYER RELATIONSHIPS
REAL MEN:
Real Men think they're brothers in arms.
Roleplayers hide behind them.
Loonies harass them with stupid questions.
Munchkins say "I'm a Real Man, too!"
ROLEPLAYERS:
Real Men protect them, on the off chance they may come up with something useful.
Roleplayers sigh with relief to know they are not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds.
Loonies come up with incredibly stupid-sounding suggestions for them, which they deliver with a straight face and childlike innocence.
Munchkins say "I'm a Roleplayer, too!"
LOONIES:
Real Men ignore them
Roleplayers sometimes harass them back by taking their stupid suggestion and making it work
Loonies declare a pie fight at 20 paces,... and cheat.
Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat
MUNCHKINS:
Real Men attack them on sight
Roleplayers trick them into being cannon fodder
Loonies make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way
Munchkins query, "What's a Munchkin?"
OVERALL
Favorite Fantasy RPG
Real Men play Dungeons & Dragons
Roleplayers play Earthdawn
Loonies play Toon
Munchkins transfer their HEROS UNLIMITED characters into the Palladium RPG
Favorite SCI-FI RPG
Real Men play Shadowrun
Roleplayers play RIFTS
Loonies play Tale From The Floating Vagabond
Munchkins play Gurps
Favorite Contemporary RPG
Real Men play Beyond The Supernatural
Roleplayers play Ninja & Superspies/Mystic China
Loonies play Changeling blindfolded using round dice
Munchkins play Street Fighter
Favorite Attack Style
Real Men shout their war cry, and wade into battle
Roleplayers parry, counterattack and protect their comrade's backs
Loonies throw their sword at the opponent, then attack with scabbard and a toy dragon; all the while screaming some battlecry they heard on THE TICK
Munchkins leap in and simulateously hit all opponents with a secret, instantly deadly form of long-distance Dim-Mak
Favorite Way to Die
Real Men in battle, with boots on, going down swinging
Roleplayers on deathbed, after a lengthy dramatic farewell speech, and at least 2 curtain calls
Loonies by telling an annoyed dragon that his face looks like an overcooked pumpkin. Alternatively; by asking Mars if he was named after the candy bar.
Munchkins say "Die? You're kidding, right?"
Favorite Superhero
Real Men like Punisher
Roleplayers like Gambit
Loonies like The Mask
Munchkins like Superman ("there's another super-hero?")
Favorite Actor to play James Bond
Real Men like Pierce Brosnan
Roleplayers like Sean Connery
Loonies like Peter Sellers
Munchkins ask, "Who was the last guy?"
PALLADIUM & RIFTS
Favorite Powers (HEROES UNLIMITED)
Real Men like Sonic Speed/Sonic Flight
Roleplayers like Animal Metamorphosis:ALL or Shape Change
Loonies like Alter Physical Structure:ICE (anything that lets you throw snowballs anytime you want is great!)
Munchkins will always have Invulnerability and Extraordinary Physical Strength
Favorite Cybernetics / Bionics
Real Men like Cyber-Armor and Internal Ammo Drum
Roleplayers like Cyber-disguises
Loonies like Extendable Arms and Finger Grenades
Munchkins like whatever gives them the best M.D.C., Bonuses and Damage Potential
Favorite Improvised Bar-Brawl Weapon
Real Men use the Munchkin's character
Roleplayers use pool-cues like quarterstaffs, with lots of showing off
Loonies use soggy pretzels, fountains of beer from their mouths, and each other. At times they have been known to pull tablecloths off, and act like a toreador; pulling away the cloth and screaming "�Ole!" as the Munchkin flies past.
Munchkins open up with their most powerful weapon, and say "That was fun" when the smoke has cleared (and the cops are arriving)
Favorite Martial Art (Ninjas & Superspies/Mystic China)
Real Men use Zanji Shinjinken-Ryu (Samurai Swordsmanship)
Roleplayers use Tai Chi Chu'an (Chi Mastery)
Loonies use Drunken Style and Moo Gi Gong (a.k.a. "W.P. Everything")
Munchkins use whatever one gives them the best bonuses
Favorite OCC or RCC (Rifts)
Real Men play 'Borgs, Power Armor Pilots and Headhunters
Roleplayers play Rogue Scientists, Pirates, Cyber-Knights and Psi-stalkers
Loonies play Crazies, Shapers, Amorphs and "Normal 20th Century Guys Rifted To RIFTS With Nothing But A Pump Pistol And Someone Big to Hide Behind"
Munchkins play Demi-God Mega-Juicer Assassins with Super Powers, armed with a Greatest Rune Weapon
Favorite Skill
Real Men take Boxing (for the extra attack)
Roleplayers take Anthropology, and Find Black Market & Contraband
Loonies take Demolitions and Chemistry (Hey, explosions are funny; just watch The Road Runner and The Coyote!)
Munchkins take every single Physical Skill, so as to get the bonuses
Favorite Weapons
Real Men use Rail Guns and Pulse Rifles
RolePlayers use Phase Weapons and Modern Bows with Hi-Tech Arrows
Loonies use Squirt Guns and Nerf versions of Xena's Chakram. Wrist-Rocket slingshots with India Rubber Balls are also good in an emergency
Munchkins always wear Glitter Boy armor, with a Rapid-Fire Boom Gun in each hand
Favorite Armor
Real Men prefer power armor
Roleplayers wear IA-100 Infiltrator or Naruni Stealth Armor
Loonies wear a Richard Nixon mask with a handwritten sign on it that says "Impenetrable Magic Armor" on it
Munchkins wear indestructible Rune Armor with a 2 000 000 M.D.C. Naruni Force Field with an endless E-Clip.
Favorite Spell
Real Men let others be the spell casters
Roleplayers like Reduce Self: 6 Inches
Loonies use Wisps Of Confusion on themselves. Alternatively, see any of the Clear Magic (cantrips) listed on this page under Chromatic Magic
Munchkins use Fireball and Call Lightning
WHITE WOLF
Favorite Vampires
Real Men play 13th Generation Brujah Rebels
Roleplayers play Toreadors without a lick of Combat skill
Loonies play anything except Malkavians, because that is just what everyone expects them to play (and the Storyteller usually won't let them play a Malkavian because then play them far too well)
Munchkins play Caine, or Samuel Haight
Favorite Werecreatures
Real Men play Mokole (weregators)
Roleplayers play Anasasi (werespiders), or yet another "Last of the Croatan"
Loonies play Get of Fenris in an all Black Fury party
Munchkins play whatever gets them the best bonuses (usually Wendigo Metis Ahrouns)
Favorite Mages
Real Men play Euthanotos
Roleplayers play Virtual Adepts or Verbena
Loonies play Cult of Ecsacy with a vice of Cow Tipping
Munchkins play Hollow Ones since they don't have to deal with Role-playing things like Foci
Favorite Faeries
Real Men play Red Caps
Roleplayers play Sihde(any Seeming)
Loonies play Pooka Childings (big surprise)
Munchkins play whatever will get them the best bonuses, powers and equipment
IMMORTAL: The Invisible War
Usual Prides
Real Men usually wind up Banjax or Peri
Roleplayers usually end up as Arachne or Magdalen
Loonies somehow end up as Anopheles that are afraid of sexual relationships, or Arachne Juvenile Deliquents
Munchkins just don't end up being Immortal, no matter how you bend, fold, or mutilate the rules
Favorite Himsati Forms
Real Men like large felines like Tigers, Lions and Panthers, and Fire
Roleplayers like Insects, Ferrets and Jaguars, and Air
Loonies like Teddy Bears, Pet Rocks and Plasticine
Munchkins like Titanium Man-Eating Polar Bears
Favorite Attentions
Real Men like using Embrace and Endue
Roleplayers like using Charm and Flux & Flow
Loonies like to use Weld to stick the Real Man and the Munchkin together
Munchkins use Ember, Surge and Mistral (and Secret Arrow if they can get it)
Favorite Himsati Natures
Real Men like Blood Drain and Infection
Roleplayers like Beauty and Control Darkness
Loonies like Spew and Startle, or using Terrain w/MONOLITH to raise up a pillar of stone between an oponent's legs
Munchkins use whatever is the most powerful, usually Dulcinea and Spark of Reason simultaneously
