Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1998 23:58:53 EDT
title: stana's awakening
author: stana

                       Sullam nodded over the injured girl and
deliberately avoiding the young man's gaze,tried not to provoke Shinji.
::Humans:: he thought with some amusement.::they're funny creatures.::

                       Anyone who knew Stana at all knew one rule: never
NEVER wake a sleeping Stana. She had a nasty tendancy to hit things when
startled conscious. But this time when she woke with an abrupt, jerking
movement, Stana found that she was held firmly to the ground.
               Panic was the initial reaction, except that she saw
               Shinji sitting comfortably within eyesight. Somewhat
assured she lifted
               her gaze and stared into two of the bluest eyes she
remembered everhaving seen.
                       The man took moment to smile encouragingly then
bent back into a study of concentration. Stana tore her attention off of
him and glanced down at her knee.
               There was something in that grin that bothered her-it
               was like he had looked straight into her soul and had
weighed everything there, categorized and shelved the more interesting
neurosis in a back portion of his mind for further analysis later.
                       She felt transparent.
                       "Ummm...." Stana attempted, congratulating
herself on being so witty.
               "Excuse me but what are you doing?"
                       "That's a pretty apparent statement don't you
think?" he answered absently.
                       "I mean-well-WHY are you doing what I think
youare doing...if you are."
                       He smiled and gave a short laugh."You're always
this assured of  yourself?"
                "Only in situations I am obviously out of my depth in,
yes."
                "The injury is an old one, never fully healed. What was
the catalyst?"
                "A Cystic outbreak." It never crossed her mind to not
answer. "It WON'T
               heal 'cause I need that part of my body to move, and when
I move I rip itopen again."
                He nodded at a foregone conclusion and Stana bit her
tongue.
                "Stand up." he said, getting to his feet in one fluid
motion.
                Tentatively she jiggled her knee and winced
               against the pain.
                "It hurts."
                "You can walk if you have to. Look at me." he urged
"Stana focus on my voice and look here."
                She forced her eys up and fought the urge to take his
outstretched hand.
               If she had to do this she would do it. She did lock on
his gaze, tryingto see past the blue in his eyes. She moved herself
deliberately, but once in motion was afraid to stop. She pushed herself
against the ground,swinging both her knees around in one painful motion.
A small grunt of effort betrayed her,  then she got to her feet in a
wobbling one leg jimmy.
                 "Look here." he repeated, and she realized she had
dropped her eyes.
               She brought them back up and saw a slight grin of
approval. She replied  with her own tentative smirk.
                 "Keep your eyes on my face and walk towards me. Don't
concentrate on what you think you might feel, the pain is what it is.
And you haven't felt it yet." She bit her lip and tried to obey,making
her body move despite what she was sure was going to hurt. It did. She
cried out and would have fallen, except she jerked herself back and
braced on her good leg. Shinji had leapt to his feet but Sullam had not
moved.
                 "Pain is irrelevent." he said calmly as she glared. His
look wasn't smug but intense and focused "it isn't THERE, until you let
it be. Look past it, think around it-your mind processes pain and
therefore has the ability to control it. Look at me, focus on my voice
and step forward. You won't do it until you take that step."
                 She tried again, and nearly sobbed at the jolting
stabbing rip she  felt.
                 "Good, again." he urged, bringing the full force of his
personality on her. She felt everything around her darkening, blacking
out, but she took another  step, and another.

____________

The old lady took her time kneeling next to Clip. She stared for a
moment at the bandage wrapped around his forehead and sighed. Then with
a touch as gentle as an autumn wind she placed her fingers against his
cheek.

Clip started, his every muscle jerking into a full out lunge that was
for a body no longer his own.

"Mother?" he murmurred, for one moment looking totally open and lost.
Then his eyes fell on his outstretched hand and on the crone before him
and a thin layer of ice froze over his expression. His brow remained
furrowed, uncertain in his coldness.

The lady gazed at him calmly, apparently unmoved by his scorn. Her eyes
were bright and bird sharp despite the wrinkled skin around them. Clip
began to squirm without realizing it.

"You are ill?" she inquired mildly.

"Fine." he answered shortly "never better"

"You look human, smell mostly like one and now you lie like one." she
shook her head.

Clips hands tightened convulsively and his borwn eyes grew rounder in
surprise.
"What-what did you mean by that comment woman?" he asked, his voice
oddly quiet and subdued.
"I meant what the words stated." she answered tartly. "You lie poorly,
which is a scant comfort you can cling to."

She pushed back her hair and revealed a small scar that was almost
buried in the layers of skin. Clip grew very still, barely a breath
disturbing his stilness. Then in almost a whisper, he said, "what are you
talking about?"

Rashka looked closely at him. "You don't remember?"

".... remember what?"

***

Stana frowned in concetration as Sullam moved easily around the room,
moving through the shelves and taking what he needed. She barely
remembered making it to the cot she was now in a semi recline on.

"Even when you're sitting there you're bitter." he commented, not
looking over his shoulder.

"Excuse me?" she answered startled.

He shook his head and looked at her finally. "Why not just ask me what
the hell I'm talking about?" he grinned and dug through some more
supplies. "What's the difference really between that and "excuse me?" "

"It happens to be more polite I think." Stana responded stiffly.

"Wrong. It just shows that you are really asking me what the hell I am
saying but don't have the guts to just say that. Ah here we go." he
pulled out the wrappings he was looking for and walked over. "What would
you do for this?" he asked in a change of topic, nodding at her knee.

"Put the person out of their misery." she explained ruefully.
"Realistically I have no idea."

"We found evidence of some rudimentary healing skills in your group.
Basic survival level. I located the herbs used in your bag. Apparently
you have some idea of what was going on-or the book you used did."

"You looked through my things?"

"We didn't know who you were, and it's my job to protect Rashka..the old
lady. Do you remember what attacked you?"

"No. And I don't want to."

He shrugged "Memories can't hurt. You like to terrorize yourself."

"Look dude." Stana snapped, not liking being read like a book at all "I
appreciate the help-"

"Don't DO that." he said with surprising vehemence.

"DO WHAT?!" she growled in frustration.

"Try to loosen me up with praise prior to telling me to keep my
observations to myself." he looked at her evenly. "That was the intent
right?"

She wanted to hit this guy.