title Disciplined Breakdown 2
date 9/18/99
author" Stana, Spiffy

The General struggled with the stubborn mare, fighting her heavy mouth,
and reigning her tightly to prevent her from throwing her head back. It
was too low in here to rear, but this inbred mount might not know the
difference.  Despite the regret of losing two steed in one  day, he
rested easier knowing that Agni would serve Teri well.

Just as he was. In the end it was a soldiers' pride to serve his leader
well. The position of General had always been answerable to the Queen
and the Chosen, and no other. It made for a good escape from political
fallout, but also made for entrapped loyalties and a feeling of
incompleteness. By fulfilling his duties, he could, at least
temporarily, banish such longings.

The dappled finally fell back in step with the Syl bred, which
obligingly moved aside to give them enough room to continue their
dominance struggle. He cast a favorable glance again to the sedate mare
besides them and remembered what she had looked like in the light of
the courtyard. He felt the eyes of the Ambassador on him and covered
his embarrassment with a small cough.

"Like the Syl themselves" he offered gallantly "even the beasts of your
race carry a tint of magic with them."

She accepted the complement easily, her composure admirable,
attractiveness not dimmed by the lack of brightness around.

"I did not think you approved of Magic General." she replied without
rancor, voice smooth and mellifluous.

"'Tisn't magic I object to at all lady." he responded, confident in his
own grounds of battle "The Jewel of our land is Reiki--as magical and
beautiful as post Rending society has ever been. I object to hostile
mageries employed in battle. One cannot prove ones' skill, or
dedication against a fireball levied at 30 feet away. No. Battles
should be fought with skill and tactics, but within honorable
boundaries."

"That is very...innocent of you general."

"Its very practical as well Lady. Truly the best win in such battles.
In the type of war levied against us--we've no such assurances." he had
dropped his voice below hearing for the benefit of his men. He did not
want to drop morale with a loose tongue. The Ambassador noticed.

"Apparently you did not share these doubt with your men."

"It wont matter." he responded, his voice getting a definite edge. "A
soldiers final duty is to fight and die with honor for his cause. Even
if living were more preferable"

"You are as noble as ever, General."  Was the Syl ever NOT pleasant?
"It is said among the Syl, however, that anyone can die for a cause -
you need only die once.  The hard part is to live for it, and die a
small death with every personal sacrifice."

"'Duty heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather.'"  Lyr
quoted.  "My final act as General may be to die in battle, but I've no
intention of ... relinquishing my many other responsibilities over to
another in such a fashion,
quite yet. As I recall there is an increasingly large mountain of
paperwork that is setting seige to my desk. "

Elainas offered a short, melodious chuckle.  "So little time in court,
and already you grow more eloquent!  Careful, or you may end up as
useless as your late predecessor."

"There's little chance of that, Ambassador." His voice was more than a
little sarcastic.

"Agreed - your sense of duty is too strong for such an occurrence."

Lyr nodded solemnly at this, and they rode in silence for a moment.

"General..."

"Yes?"

"I hope you do not trade your mountain for a feather any time soon.  I
would... appreciate seeing you when next I am in S'kae."

He smiled, taking the promise in the words and holding her to them.

"My pleaseure lady."

Stana heard the last few comments despite the hushed tone. A great
breeze had brought a refreshing blast of cool air to the stifled, musty
passageway. But it had also brought the unwelcome words spoken by
R'Kelnin.

"A soldiers final duty is to fight and die with honor for his cause.
Even
if living were more preferable"

She bit her lip and tried not to shiver at the echoing finality to the
phrase. There was no death more horrible, someone had told her, than
the death of an earnest soldier trying to due his duty. Had it been
Lyr? If so then the General was apparently not concerned that he was
sending his men to such a death. Such a lack of feeling would have been
appalling, save that she felt little more than a whisper of outrage.

It had been such an effort to stand the man down in the corridor. The
weight of his convictions trying to pin her down with his duties and
demands. His entire force of being had nearly brought her to the brink
of tears. But she had pulled back. Again.

And again, and again. She kept teetering on some dark, terrifying
brink. something kept pulling her back. She wasn't sure if she should
be grateful. Sometimes she thought longingly of the release in
releasing all the pent up frustrations and rage washing her out until
she had little energy left. Then she just didn't care.

She found herself caring less and less, trapped in a resigned apathy
that bordered on senselessness half the time. The other half she was so
filled with fury and bitterness that it froze her with its intensity.

All any of these people cared about was their precious prophecy. Not
one of them had asked her if she wanted a part of it. Not one of them
had given her a choice. Not even what passed for a deity here.  She had
long ago stopped looking for her God in this world, He wasn't here.  Or
if he was, then He wasn't listening.

So Stana had ceased talking. Her objections fell on deafened ears, as
she was pushed relentlessly on towards this prophecy. Resignation to
the inevitable followed. She didn't have any other real choice.

Unless she got away from Skae. Perhaps when she got out of these walls,
away from the crowd and the structured confines of the country, maybe
there would be a way out.  Maybe if they found Finn, maybe... .

Or maybe she would just fall again, tottering against the brink, and
not falling over.