Candles and Moonlight
author: Teri
date: 8/3/99  11:45a

Teri was running, the awkward sounds of her heels echoing off the empty
walls as she passed. The sharp sting of her lungs finally slowed her
and
she paused long enough to slip off her shoes before storming to her
corridor. For once, she didn't care how filthy she got.

She was thankful the maids had given up and retired for the night, by
the
time she slammed her chamber door open- it rebounded back and slammed
shut
with a satisfying clap. By this time, she was halfway across the floor,
and she'd hurled her shoes across the room. Not one to throw things- it
felt visciously fulfilling and she looked around the room for something
to
break. The copper and gold washbasin and polished silver mirror were
the
closest to breakable- but not close enough.  She longed for the tea
service stana had smashed.

Sinking down to the floor, she thought these things in silence, her
eyes
drawn tight and her teeth biting into the soft flesh of her cheeks as
her
jaw was locked in frustrated fury.

She was all the more angry for having no choice in the matter-
apparently
neither she, nor what she was coming to believe in, matterred to him.
He was leaving, and she was alone. And the blow to her pride was
something
she was quick to channel into anger.
Anything else would be far worse and less manageable.

She stared at the pale hand that shook against the soft carpeting of
the
room. Pale and white- but to her sight it was tinged with a faint red
film.

She  stood suddenly, and ripped the remains of the banquet dress from
her
body. The gold chain she broke as she pulled it from her hips, and cast
it
aside, ignoring the dull pain of her pinched skin. These things she did
with the desperate need for action- the moment of stillness on the
floor
had overwhelmed her with a hollow lonliness she had known once, and
thought gone from her life.

As she splashed the cold water on her face, she reminded herself
fiercely
that she didn't need him. She had let herself believe that this world
was
a place where people belonged together- Chosen to Guardian, Chosen to
Chosen, friend to friend.  Prophecy or not, people were people. And
people, when you got down to it, sucked.

They were crazy and stupid- all of them. Shinji- how utterly immature
could a guy be? Prancing around without a smile for anyone, blowing her
off when she knew he was lying- she KNEW it! She could feel it! She
couldn't be imagining it-

And stana... Clip had the audacity to ask that she help stana, after
the
shit she'd taken from her? Teri was pretty sure Stana's throw some more
in
her face the moment she tried again to get close. Stana, with her
pining
for home and her rejection of -everything- around her.

With a wrench, she closed her fingers around the chain at her throat,
pulled, snapping it against the back of her neck-  the metallic ring
filled the room as the pendant hit the far wall, and fell glittering to
the carpet... bouncing once... twice.

Teri stared at the thick drop of scarlet agains the paler rug-  the
ruby
winked in the limited light like a knowing, mischevious eye. And
without
knowing it, she was across the room, picking it up from the floor and
feeling the familiar warmth in the cusp of her hand.

Examining the clasp, she was surprised to find it unbroken- and
reclasped
the pendant around her neck. To her- it was only a magnificent piece of
jewelry. Being the Chosen of Flame came from within.

She could be as angry and hurt as she wanted to- it would do no good.
Shinji and stana had a lot to learn. Either they would... or they
wouldn't. Regardless, Teri would go on without them. And if something
died
inside without them... like any death, she would not acknowledge its
passing.

***

A soft sound woke her from her sleep, which had been tentative at best.
Looking up, she saw the bandana tied to the far post of her four-poster
bed, the long ribbons luminescent in the moonlit breeze. Turning her
face
into the pillow, she began to cry.

                          ~*~*~*~
No man is sane who cannot be insane on proper occassions...
                          ~*~*~*~