Contradiction
From: Stana Hierspiel <darkannex@yahoo.com>
Date:Thu, 24 Jun 1999 07:33:29 -0700 (PDT)

Oppsie fot T-chan! This should be before her "dream post"

     It was irritating. That was the one word that kept repeating in
her mind. She was irritated that the Healers and the Dreamer and the
servents kept fussing over her. It was irritating that Clip had left
and that the courtiers gaped and crowded in. It was irritating that she
couldn't get back to her room without an escort.
     "Make sure you sleep." the Healer ordered, seeing her to her
quarters.
     Stana did not answer, not stating that she would not desire sleep
for a long time. Sleep...perchance to dream. Or Nightmare.
     She didnt want a part of that. Enough dreaming to last her life.
Enough to become her life. She was sure she was dreaming now. Or going
mad. Perhaps both.
      She glanced in the looking glass, and didnt recognize the harsh,
closed face staring back. A refrain from a song flickered in the back
of her mind like a mocking repeat.
     :: Nothing in the mirror, even illusion is gone. Nothing is the
matter, just lost my soul, is all::
      "Small loss that." she muttered, continuing to examine the face.
Was she there at all? The eyes were the same hazel, but they were
flinty and reflective. The mouth, that was hers, but tight and grim.
The hair, normally so warm, shone like copper. Just as coldly metallic.

        She felt the burning of the medallion against the skin on her
neck. Her hand curled around it, whether to clutch or rip from her she
was never sure.
         Someone knocked on her door.
        She jumped, nearly screamed in fright. Then grabbed the edges
of the nightstand, hard as she steadied herself.
         "Deep breath." she told herself. "Control" Not for nothing,
those long hours among the dead. Not for nothing the chill that wrapped
around her like a sheath.
          Fear was the only thing that could touch her. If she trapped
that out....Then she had to trap herself in... .  There was a brief
dizzying image of her sliding down a mountain.
          It was too late to debate it, the thing was done. She opened
the door and found Teri waiting on the other side. THe girl had her
hair braided in back, and the oversized, plush nightclothes she wore
made her look even younger. Or maybe Stana herself just felt that much
older.
          For a moment there was an eerie silence. Stana had given a
startled half step back, before steeling herself to hold like a soldier
at bay.  The look in her eyes was not overtly friendly.
          "Hi." Teri said, her face breaking to a warm smile. "Care for
some company? I brought some Tea? And whatever they have that passes
for Coffee here..." she looked ready to grumble about that but insead
smiled in feigned amusement and waited. Stana's eyes slid past the
hopeful look on Teri's face.
           There was a split second when Stana felt her hand tightening
around the door. With something akin to shock she realized that she was
ready to slam it in the other girl's face.
           The suddeness of the thought brought the motion to an abrupt
stop, and instead  she swung the door open, stepping aside to let Teri
in.
            She took the Coffee and Tea from the other girl and started
to make them. She kept her face buried in the  steam and preperation so
Teri would not see the angry, set lines furrowing her skin.
            "I couldn't sleep." Teri confessed, perching on a stool.
"The Healers told me to, but after everything- I felt that was the last
thingI needed."
            "I don't think any of us will sleep well, if at all." Stana
agreed, flatly. "Dreams are no longer safe. And we're really  screwed
if "life is but a dream." "
             Teri frowned, getting contradictory signals. The words
sounded ok, but the tone was all wrong.
             "Stana-"
             The girl jumped at the sound,  dropped one cup. The
delicate clay shattering against the ground, a few shards shrapneled to
 cut her hands and cheek. Then Teri was up and around, hands out to
help. Stana was staring numbly at the blood trickling to the floor.
              Teri grabbed a towel, then tried to take the wounded
hand.  With a small, panicked cry, Stana ripped it free.  She kept
looking at the hand.
              "The blood-why did they all bleed so much?" Stana backed
away from Teri, not looking up, clutching the pendant around her neck.
"What's happening? Nothing's right. It's all wrong-Wrong!"
               Teri opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Once again
she sat kneeling, stunned as she looked up at a friend, once again
filled with the other's emotions and filled with her own unidentifiable
regret. She stood, firmly taking Stana's hand though she tried to
snatch it away, and pressed the damp towel to the cut. "I don't know,"
she said quietly, reassuringly. "It does seem as if everything's wrong,
doesn't it?" she started to smile, but stopped, feeling the bitterness
in the expression.  Bitterness was not what Stana needed.  "Come have
something to drink. I'll pour. We can chat, like old times..."
        Stana ripped her hand away again, her eyes, the color of  dried moss,
narrowed in incredulous disgust. "The old times are gone!" she spat.
"Get  out of my room, I don't need your pity!"
               Teri's lips tightened and she felt her face flush.
"Pity?  What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not offering you pity, I'm
offering you--"
              The smash of the teakettle against the far wall stopped
Teri  mid-sentence. She watched, her mouth frozen open, as the tea
dripped down the tapestry to pool with the broken shards on the floor.
Her eyebrows furrowed- she couldn't look away from the curving shard of
clay, the dark reddish brown liquid held cupped in the curve.. where
had she seen that before? It had.. it had been filled with blood.. her
eyes snapped to Stana's hands, where
she stood staring at the new slit in her finger, and the blood welling
up from the cut...
              "Stana.." she breathed.
              The door snapped opened as Clip barreled in, his long
brown hair covering half his face. His look bordered on hostile as he
glared at Teri.
              "What happened?" he demanded.
              Teri bit her lip, trying to keep her voice steady.
              "The cup and the teapot broke, the blood it-"
              "Blood." he murmurred, a flicker in his eyes that might
have been worry.  Then it was gone.  He went to take Stana's arm, but
she pulled away. He persisted, with a suprisingly gentle obstinancy;
and got her seated. He placed his overlarge hand over hers, and
suddenly Teri saw the  room bathed in a dark red wash. Red like arizona
clay. Then silence.
               "Stana?" Teri asked.
                The two looked up, perturbed to find her still there.
It took a few struggled moments for the oher girl to even focus
properly on Teri. The hazel eyes kept trying to look _through_ her.
                Teri frowned, tasting the strange aura around the two.
Too complex, too full of subtle intricasies... But then, like a cold
wash, the disorientation was covered by a wall of impentrable
_nothingness_. It was so sudden and complete that Teri thought for a
moment she had focused instead on Clip...
                 Looking at the Unicorns' set face gave her the opinion
otherwise.
                 "I think you should leave Teri." the other girl said.
                She shot a look at the Unicorn, searching the all too
human features for a sign of emotion. Did he agree? Couldn't he see
that something was wrong, here? Pushing her away wouldn't help-  Clip
snatched his gaze away from hers and looked instead at Stana's blank
face.
        "She has asked you to leave," he said. There was no  mistaking his
tone.  Teri squared her shoulders sharply.
        "Until the celebration then," she said, her voice  heated and
dangerous. If they were at all able to pick up on it, she tried to
convey her warning. They were making a mistake. With whatever dignity
she could muster, she removed herself from Stana's chambers. And left
the dishes for them to have cleaned.