title: accountability
author: stana
Date: Tue, 4 Jan 2000 23:45:36 EST

     Clip settled himself uncomfortably on the floor, watching the mortal
girl as she sat unmoving at the windowsill.  The windows were open, sending a
slightly chilly breeze playfully through her hair.
    He yawned then, catching his body up in a luxiosous stretch that felt
good despite the human body he was now trapped in.
    "Why don't you get some sleep?" he finally asked. "We leave in the
morning, and the ride will be hard enough without you falling asleep astride."
    "I'd rather not try." she said. "I'll be ok, I was the queen of
all-nighters in College." she knew that he wouldn't have a clue to what she
had just said, and repeated "I'm ok with little sleep."
    Clip sighed, banishing thoughts of a peaceful evening rom his mind, and
rose again, moving over to the sill. For a while they both said nothing,
watching the sky outside.
    "Perhaps " Clip began "Teri is right in her attitude of your situation.
You do little good brooding over this."
    "I can't pretend to be happy Clip." she answered "I don't want to be
here."
    "And yet you are here-and there is nothing you can do about that yet.
You do yourself more harm pining for things that are beyond your grasp. You
are trying to eat grass that is not there."
    "Right from the horse's mouth." she murmurred, without real humor. "Now
you sound like Teri, AND Sullam..."
    "The mortal was...wise for his kind." The Unicorn admitted. "If you
respect his opinion, then you'd do well to heed what I say."
    "I respected him." she agree "Out of all the people I met, he was the
first one to look at me, and see a human there. It's a good thing he's not
around...what a mess." She lapsed into quiet again, searching the skies above
ceaselessly for-what? A little brown and blue planet? a familiar
constellation? A heaven sent sign? She wasn't sure what she was looking for
anymore. Perhaps in that darkness above she saw a reflection of her friend's
eyes. Her best friend Henry's eyes were black like that-dark and fathomless
with the overblown angst he carried with him. And her other friends? Cristi
and Lisa? Ismael? What about them? She was sure they thought her dead...and
that thought brought tears to her eyes. She was still not sure she wasn't.
    "I can't pretend." she said again, resting her head against her knees
"and half the time, I don't even know what I'm doing, or feeling--half the
time it's like Im walking through some lonely void, nothing around but the
depths of myself."
    "You can't give up." he stated.
    "I'm sure I could." she replied "easily...only, it won't let me." she
didn't need to gesture to the pendant, the red scarmarks tingled in her
palms. "There is the bottom line. I'm going on because I have to--because
that's the only way I may get home. Teri and Emily might think its great to
be here, with their new abilities and people fawning over them--I don't."
    "I think you do them injustice."
    "I think you really don't care."
    "True enough." Clip admitted "yet the truth is there."
    "It must be so easy for you." she said "us poor mortals and our short
little lives...this is all nothing but a dream for you, is it?" she didn't
wait for him to answer "I feel sorry for you--or I would, if I could get the
energy for it. Go to sleep Clip, I think I want to be left alone."
    "I thought you didnt want to be alone."
    "You'll be in the room, that's enough." Her voice had slipped into a
familiar coldness. He didn't give her the satisfaction of letting it rattle
him. Nodding stiffly he went back to his spot on the floor and rolled over on
his side. Soon he was snoring quietly.
    "So much for legends." she said, listening to the sound "I thought your
kind didn't sleep..." She folded her hands quietly in front of her and stared
out of the window. She saw a quick flicker of light in the woods beyond. She
blinked, looking closer, but there was no repeat.
    "Good god." she said in disgust "this place probably has fairies that
dance in the moonlight in a magic circle." She stood up, moving to the bed,
and gazed at it uncertainly. Then she walked past it and got her backpack,
pulling her herbal book from it. If she couldn't sleep, she could study.
    Clip woke suddenly, the darkness around him was irresolute, and he knew
that while it still looked to be night, the dawn was coming. He noted with
something that may have been the faintest of guilt, that Stana was bent over
her book, appearing to have been there for quite some time.
    She looked up, eyes glassy and bruised from no sleep. She shook her head,
and closed the book with a snap, packing it away and sipping some liquid from
a cup beside her.  Stana saw the accusation in his eyes.
    "It's always the worst before sunrise." she said as explanation "Once the
sun is up, or coming up, I'll start feeling better. Don't worry, I won't fall
off you today."
    He didn't see any point in arguing. "You better get Teri up-"
    "Great." now her voice was slightly annoyed "you want *me* to wake her up
when we both know she's gonna have a hangover."
    Clip didnt mention his own pounding head. He had his pride.
    "Allright." she was finishing, pushing the chair back. "Better to get it
done with now then."
    The Unicorn watched her leave, and then got up unsteadily for the
windows. He needed some air to circulate in here, to cler out the webs in his
mind. His tongue felt furry too...As he reached to open the frame he stopped,
staring at the massed armed division that were even now entering the inn.